Husband Wants Vascetomy I Dont!

Would you consider getting an IUD? I have one and it's wonderful, because we don't ever have to think about birth control, once it's in it's free, and it's taken the discussion off the table for now. I want more kids, I think my husband's open to the idea but very clearly NOT NOW : ) That might be a temporary compromise until you can get to a place that you can have a rational conversation about it. Good luck!

The reverse of this happened to my friend. She decided she was done having kids and practically forced her j\husband to get clipped. Then her sons got to be teenagers and she wanted another baby. They couldn't change the vasectomy and she ended up divorcing him and getting remarried and having 2 more kids.

I believe families/people should have as many children as they want. They will always find a way to feed and clothe their children. The more there are or the less there are is for the family to decide. You and your husband do need to try and work this through together.

You may not be able to reach the perfect decision. Your husband has ultimate control over his own body. The hope would be that he would wait until the two of you work it out so that you don't harbor any resentments towards him.

Ask him to wait so that you both can think about the decision, but be sure you do not get pregnant as this would give him reason to harbor resentments toward you.

Consider seeing a counselor for a session or two to help you and your husband figure this out.

Do you love your husband? Is he a good husband and father? Does he support and respect you? If so, then do the same for him. You both are entitled to your feelings. Figuring out what to do is a process and all you need to do is respect each other and acknowledge each others feelings. Yes, someone will have to give in, but there is the chance you may end up agreeing on what is actually best for your family, making it easier for the one of you that has to let go of their wants.

If your husband is not a good husband, etc... then you may be tempted to want to ignore his feelings, and vice a versa. In the end that won't be a good option for your marriage.

Either way an objective counselor may just help guide you through this.

If your husband really doesn't want another child, it would be - I think - inappropriate to force him, you have a family and it seems that he is content the way things are right now.

At the same time, if you are not comfortable with your husband's position, maybe you could both agree to give it some time, just to make sure you make the right long-term decision for everyone directly involved (you, your husband, your children).

My husband and I have talked about what to do when we disagree on big issues, and we decided to go for "caution", meaning we choose the solution that is most safe and has a least repercussion. In your situation, this would mean pick the option that doesn't change things permanently until/unless you are both comfortable with it (It is his body, so ultimately he can do what he chooses to do, but at the same time, you are a couple and such a decision should ideally be reached together).

Does this make sense ? I hope it helps a little.

A.

My husband I were the opposite. I wanted him "snipped" and he wanted another child. He got the vasectomy. Why? Because we decided that while happy accidents happen, children shouldnt purposely be conceived unless both parents REALLY want it. My OPINION is that he should want the child just as much as you, not be giving in to make you happy. We only have two, but I wanted my life back, I wanted to try to get my marriage back, I wanted to be done with the craziness and chaos of pregnancy, newborns, little kids, and move on to the next phase of our lives. If I had had the thrid child he wanted I would certainly have loved the baby, but I dont believe I could have looked at that child the same as the two I desperately wanted. Ask your husband why he doesnt want another one. Ask yourself why you DO want another one. Good luck!

Only you and your husband can make that decision - obviously, it's not an easy one.

Will having another child fulfill you differently? Will it put a huge strain on your finances and your relationship? Will enticing him (against his wishes) cause stress down the road?

Vascetomies can be reversed, too - though, it's not ideal. I'd honestly look into all options and really understand the pros and cons. There are risks with just about anything. We have a friend who was the 1/100 male who had a BAD reaction to the vascetomy. I know other women who have had BAD reactions to IUDs, birth control, etc.

I'd recommend sitting down with your husband and really understanding your motivations for each of your current thoughts and see if you can come to an agreement you can both live with.

I think you have to both sit down and agree to calmly discuss it and give each other the chance to explain your feelings. My guess would be your husband is worried about the financial cost of raising another child (including far down the road costs of college, wedding etc.) If your husband is the only one working that could be a lot of pressure on him that he doesn't readily express, versus not 'wanting another child with you' which may be how you are interpreting it. Why do you want another child? It isn't my business and I don't ask that for a reply but for you to explore yourself and answer honestly and then explain with your heart to your husband. Is it because you have all boys or all girls and want to try again for the other sex? Is it because growing up you always wanted 4 kids? Only you can answer the question and there are lots of possibilities. For me, I had one child and my husband had a child from a previous marriage and then when we got married he wanted two more kids (so they would be close in age and play together) and I would have been happy with one. We got pregnant right away and then I miscarried and we tried for over two years. He started talking about wanting a vasectomy because he was approaching 40 and felt that God didn't want us to have any more kids (he wouldn't let me do any fertility treatments other than Clomid). I talked him into waiting until I turned 40 (we are a year apart in age) and a miracle happened and I got pregnant without any drugs and she was born literally three months before I turned 40. We were happy and he agreed to stop our family there and we waited until she was 6 months old to have his operation because that put it in January when we would have new flexible spending money again (we used all for her birth) and two days after his operation I secretly took a home pregnancy test becuase I was going to the bathroom all the time and very fatigued and figured I couldn't be....but I was....so we ended up with 2 girls 14 months apart. Good luck to you and your husband and I hope you can arrive at a position where you can each be at peace.

Good Morning C.!

I have to agree with Katie. Until both of you are 110% sure that you are absolutely done having kids DON'T DO IT!! Find a more temporary form of birth control that both of you can agree on. With a vascetomy, there is no turning back (or if you do turn back, it can be very expensive and very painful for a reversal with no promise of success!)

In my situation, my husband said after 3 kids he was done, finished! So I shared with him that if he knew there was no way he was going to have any more children, then to go and get the "Big V" so that the idea of having any more children couldn't be in my head. A year after he had it done, he came to me and said that he made a big mistake and wished that we could have more children. So we spent thousands of dollars and another procedure reversing the vascetomy.

We were lucky, one side was successfully clear and reconnected. And now we have #4, and are even wondering if we might be blessed with #5 sometime in the future.

There are SO MANY options for birth control. If I could go back in time, I would have definately discouraged the vascetomy more. But we live and learn!!

Good Luck to you! This is definately a decision that requires spouses to be in agreement! Prayer can help :-)
Blessings,
B.

Honey, when someone gives you a good answer to this, let me know! My boyfriend and I have 3 children and he says he is DONE! He says he's too old to keep having kids... he's 37!! I'M 26!! I have PLENTY of time to have babies! I could have like 9 more if I wanted too! (okay, I definately don't want 9 more, but like you, I'd like one more child)... I respect that it's his body and he should be able to do what he wants... but our 3rd child is less than 3 months old. I know you know how it is, once the kids get a little older, and then you start to get 'baby fever' all over again... I just don't want him making a decision he will later regret. GOOD LUCK with this, and definately let us all know how it turns out, since some of us ladies out there (ME...) are in the same boat ;)

I would say you need to think of a more temporary way to avoid until you can come to an agreement. Go get an IUD. It will give you 5 years to make that final decision but you can get it taken out before that if you both decide you do want another child. Just tell him you're not sure and you want to be absolutely sure before a more final decision is made. I don't know how young your youngest is, but I plan on giving at least 5 years after my 2nd to decide if that is the last or not before my husband get's the big "V". :) Good luck! Hopefully a more temporary solution will be enough for him for a while while you both decide FOR SURE.

First of all you should sit back and look at your financial situation? Can you really afford another mouth to feed with todays econmical situtation? I have 2 kids and with the way the goverment is right now I'm doing good to feed the two I have plus myself and husband. You have no idea what tomorrow brings you and God for bid anything happen like your husband looses his job or whatever. How are you going to support your kids? There's probably alot of what if's in his mind. You should discuss your options. Why you want one and he doesn't?
We had both agreed that when our second child was born that we didn't want or need another child. I had my tubes tide right after my last one. I'm glad I did. Don't get me wrong I went threw the whole stage of awww I would to have another child. But, then I look at where my kids are now and were we are financially and I'm glad we made the decision.
You and him should sit down and openly discuss your options and come to some agreement together. I wish you the best of luck.