Sometimes I just want to explode! He complains because I make or answer a occisional (sp) call but he can play video games over 90% percent of the time. Just pisses me off! I don't even have any good comebacks for him when he complains or bitches about it. I guess I'm just looking for support and to let off some steam. (Yes, this is a issue we have talked about but i get nowhere with it.)
I don't mind if he plays video games or on computer while we are up or in bed. Just that he doesn't overdo it or whine about me making/getting a phone call (which most of the time is my family.) I don't ignore him or my daughter while making these calls either and he's not coming off as controlling before that becomes a comment.
I don't think a rare call is that much to ask since I am a sahm which does 100% of house things and 90% of things involved with our daughter so for me this is my downtime or me time.
Thank you for all the advice and suggestions ladies. For the very last comment I got from Revered whoever...I was looking for support and advice, not for you to be critical and rude about my situation. I will def be trying some of these things though! :)
He's explained that he would like the time with us and sometimes the calls may cut into that so I try to make the calls and ask that family and friends that call me to call more during the day so we can spend more time together when he's off and he is slowing down with the games to be with our daughter and I more. I am okay with that since he's the one who works outside the home so I can do that. I now just need him to help out more around the house and spend more time with her but we'll get to that. He is in no way controlling ladies. I was in a controlling relationship that was verbally and physically bad so I know what to look for thank you! ;) Really ladies, if we don't have any good advice or support for each other than why even comment?
I recommend you start a big chart or calendar and tick off how many times he plays videos/games. Then tick off how many times you talk on the phone when he is home.....Then tally it all up. See who is ignoring who the most.
I feel your pain. Makes me nuts too.
My little one is too old for this to work, but a friend has used it.
Next time there is a poop diaper, plop the kid in front of him saying "s/he needs a change, I ate something weird earlier and I really have to go to the bathroom." and disappear for a while.
You can also tell him that since you don't play video games, the phone is your way to unwind.
Be strong. :)
You are totally correct. You deserve time to talk on the phone, or do whatever it is that you want to do with your down time. We ALL need down time, and "me time". Try to just ignore him the same way that he ignores you when he continues playing his games excessively. My ex used to do that--it came between us a lot. We used to have so many fights about it. He would get mad at me for talking on the phone too. Even if it was family. I don't know what it is with that--I don't understand it. I think men just think they're supposed to be the center of our worlds ALL of the time, even when they are busy doing something else. It's our "role" as wife to be there at the drop of a hat. If we are busy talking on the phone, they can't tell us to get them a bowl of ice cream, or ask where his other controller is, or ask what the a/c is on, or tell us a funny story that comes to mind..........they are just.........men.
I've had to remind my husband many times that my phone time is really my only socializing, and it's not really all that often, but he never quite gets it and gets a little "strange" as soon as I get on the phone and my attention is not "on everyone". Like he starts "looming" and "looking at me" and "needing stuff" all of a sudden. No solution really, it never really changes, but I just lock myself in a room and ignore him. If we fight afterwards I always win, because like you, I am a SAHM who doesnt' neglect my duties, he always travels, balh blah. He usually doesn't push it when I say, "Really? I never go out and party with friends and I ALSO can't EVER talk on the phone??!!" then he backs off.
I'm not sure you can make him stop. Just hold your ground and be a little firmer. Don't ever back down about it.
make the calls while he's playing video games, surely he cant complain then. this is one of those fights that's not worth fighting over. unless you and he were in the middle of something i dont see why he would feel ignored if you got on the phone. if its glued to your ear and he's not getting any of your attention I could see where THAT could be problem.
Men are ........ from Mars. cant really understand them. I dont think my husband would notice if I spend much time on the phone, is it because he's expected to be a father while your on the phone or is he feeling you've abandoned him while your on the phone? If he's really playing that much video games when is he spending time with your daughter and you?? You could try ignoring the video games and his stupid complaints and just keep asking for him to spend more time with you and your daughter, make him feel loved and needed rather than criticized. My6 hubby stays up late after we are all in bed to get his video and computer time in without criticism!
If you don't want things to be equal in your house, they don't have to be. It's up to you and your husband and what you BOTH feel comfortable with, and what you BOTH agree is the best way to live your lives as spouses and parents.
However, you might want to consider making some moves toward equality, so that he will respect you, your work, your time, and your freedom a bit more.
He goes out of the house to work, right? When he is gone, he is at work. When he is gone, YOU are also at work. When you are both home (presumably, this is evenings and weekends), there is no fair reason for him to be having leisure time while you are still "at work." Why should his job be 50 hours a week (or whatever it actually is), while yours is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
If you discuss this with him, hopefully he is a fair and open-minded guy, and he will see the logic in this. You can discuss what you will both do while you are both at home (ie. you cook dinner and he washes dishes, you do bedtime but he does bathtime, etc.), and you can figure out how you will each get the downtime you need.
Maybe videogames and long phone calls can be done at the same time, after the children are in bed each night?
He just does not want you to be on the phone.
All humans talk on the phone.
Maybe he doesn't get any calls, himself?
Only you?
That is not wrong.
He is just miffed.
Immature.
Talking on the phone is what all people do.
It just is.
He needs to grow up.
He needs to do more things in the home for you and your/his child.
You DESERVE to have any kind of down-time... you need.
My Husband, when we were married in the beginning, use to complain about me talking on the phone too. UGH! I wasn't even ignoring him or talking for a long time.
He was just a bit chauvanistic.
It is not 'wrong'... to be talking on the phone.
Women.... do that. Men do that.
Happy New Year,
Susan
Is it a husband thing? My hubby's the same way. He'd deny it but it's true. I just make my calls while he's gone or I go into my room. I don't talk on the phone very often and usually hate the phone but once in a blue moon I will talk and he hates it. I don't even see the logic in this... I think they are from Mars sometimes...LOL We have a great relationship but he has these quirks that can be quite annoying. I just work around it because it isn't worth fighting about. Plus, I never win battles when I confront him full on. I have to win my battles creatively...LOL Good luck! Hang in there!!
Heaven forbid that you have contact with the outside world, much less caring and supportive relationships.
