Husband's Spirituality

I belong to Won Without a Word, a support group for women who aren't on the same page as their husbands spiritually. It's been a great help with me.
http://www.infowest.com/personal/w/wonwithoutaword/links.htm

My husband and I are very different in our spiritual beliefs. He is Christian and I follow an Earth based path. His cross hangs on the wall right next to my pentacle. We teach our children that ALL religions are correct. That if you are a good person, and do the right thing, whatever is at the end of this road, will be beautiful. Follow your heart, and let him follow his and you will create a team that is unstoppable. I asked my husband once, as his bible tells us that any God other than the one he believes in is false, how he can let me be me and not try to change my path. He told me that he cannot believe in the unforgiving God that some follow. He said this, "Imagine the most perfect "enter any religion other than Christianity here, Buddhist/Hindu/Pagan, whatever" there ever was. One that never killed anything, that always showed and taught kindness and always tried to better the lives of those around him/her. A loving, honest, caring person. Imagine the death of that person and a God that would look at the life this person lead and turn him/her away because he did not worship the "correct" God. I don't want to think my God could be so self centered. So I don't. If you are a good person, my God will welcome you with open arms no matter what path lead you to him." I almost cried. Dang I love my husband. LOL I guess my point is... be a team, support each other, be the best you, you can be and help him be the best him he can be and let your God/Gods do the rest. I wish you the best.

M.

I wholeheartedly agree with Nickie's post; you should definitely continue to practice your relgion in the manner in which you believe. My husband regularly attended church with me when I was pregnant and shortly after the birth of our daughter; she is now 8 and, for the past 6 years has likely been to church services a dozen times! We welcome him when he attends, but do not let it affect our attendance or our outlook. It is very important to me that my daughter be raised in a christian, church-going environment. I am also very careful to never voice anything negative or judgemental regarding his religious (non) choices; rather, I center on the fact that people choose to celebrate their spirituality in many different ways and that we should always respect their choices. I demonstrate this by talking about the different aspects of various religions. This obviously points out the fact that different people/cultures/religions have very different customs/actions and do things differently than we choose to do. I also center on how good we feel when we go to church and do for others; she's never once wanted to stay home with dad!

Hi K.! Religion is something that has to be felt by the individual, not forced. Just let your husband be himself. I am religious and my husband is an atheist. We discussed that when the time came, we would explain to our daughter that mommy and daddy have different beliefs. No one is right or wrong, just different. I take my daughter with me to any religious events and my husband does not come with us. He does work 2 jobs and gets very little sleep. He never misses a family function and that is more important to me than him attending religious ceremonies. I want my daughter to have a religious background and my husband supports that, he just does not have the desire to be a part of it. We will tell our daughter the truth when she is old enough. We will each share our beliefs with her. You are fortunate that your husband is of the same faith. Just ask your husband what is going on and be respectful of his choices. Also, be honest with your children. They will respect you for it. Good Luck!

All very good advice....again, I am in the same situation. I support my spouse 100% including his religious (non) beliefs. He is a very caring and giving person and he personally feels attending regular meetings isn't the only way to show your spirituality. He is very knowledable about several different religions and has found that his beliefs are scattered between various different religions. He volunteers in the community and is very good to help friends and neighbors with any and all needs. He feels closest to the "guy upstairs" when he is in the beauty of God's creations such as the mountains. My two young sons and I attend church regularly for the simple fact that I want them to have the choice. Religion should be just that, a choice. I was married to someone who put on a front at church and was even in the high council. He was a return missionary yet he was abusive, unfaithful and had a gambling problem among other issues. He never missed church though. I truly believe that it should be a choice and to attend for any reason other than wanting to be there isn't the type of relationship you want to have with your church or God. The best example you can set is being true to yourself and educating your children about different religions and different ways people may celebrate their spirtuality. I feel that giving back to the community and helping others is a huge part of my beliefs and it's something I practice daily. It doesn't take a religious setting to feel close to God for everyone including myself. Just be supportive and let him see how happy it makes you and the kids. He may or may not change his mind about attending, but it should be his choice in the end.

Hi,
In response to your post, I came from a home where my mother was very religious but my father wasn't. I was forced to go to church when I was growing up and always asked my mom why my dad didn't have to go. My mom just told me that he preferred to pray in his own way at home. My husband & I are different religions and neither of us go to church on a regular basis. I believe very strongly in God and want my children to do the same but I am not going to force them to go to church if they don't want to. I do let both grandmothers take them to church whenver they want to, so at least they will get the exposure and when they are a little older they can make up their own minds about how they feel about church. I think if you are a good person and believe in God and treat people in a spiritual fashion, that is enough. I think if it is important to you that your children have a religious foundation, you follow through with that and explain to your husband that that is how you feel. Tell him that you respect his decision to not go to church but this is what you would like your children to experience. If he has a problem with that then I think you need to discuss it further maybe with a pastor or a family counselor.
Hope this helps.

Hi Kendra...

Blessing dear one. I had a husband just like yours. He was a strong believer but attended church hardly at all, which was ok too. I went and he would stay home. As a matter of fact, I attended with my son, daughter-in-law and grand kids. Everyone, especially children need to be introduced to GOD. What irritates me is that you attend church and once you leave HIS house, people revert back to the nasty, ugly, individuals they truly are. It is sad and I am sure you have witnessed this too! My husband is now with his GOD. I lost him to cancer but he knew his GOD and walked with him everyday in his career, his life and his way.

We both attended church most of our lives while we were home. He always said it was thrust down his throat to the extreme by his mom...whom he rarely visited, talked to or called. I don't know the full extent of his horrors but what I do know of, they were pretty bad.

I have not been to church in so long. That does not mean I do not read my bibles, pray and actually hold conversations with my maker. IF...people could hear me venting out loud, they would commit me for sure. I am NOT religious! I am more Spiritual. I am a Usui Reiki Master/Teacher as well. I think my "ONE" understands exactly where I am coming from and who I am and what I believe...HE knows it is me! And this pleases HIM to no end.

There is not one religion I have not studied, not one ceremony or church I have not attended. They all hold an interest to me. That is to say, I do not understand nor will I call what they are doing in Iraq...Well, I don't even have words for it! Holy War! Give me a break...

Allow your husband to do his thing knowing that he is where he needs to be at this time. He has NOT turned his back on his GOD, his religion or his family. He knows, as we all do, that there is only ONE, known by many names...

HE is with us always. Talk to you soon and I hope this helped.

K.,

Keep praying for your husband, but don't force him to go. Stay faithful to him and let him know that it's important. My husband hasn't always wanted to go either. However, now he realizes it is very important. He wasn't raised in church and comes from a religious place with many nominal christians, that go because their parents force them. Keep praying for him, you never know the power of a praying wife. See Stormie Omartian's book "The Power of a Praying Wife." It will encourage you alot. I've seen changes in my husband since I began to pray faithfully and not nag. God bless you sister

K. ~
I know what you're going through. My husband does not go to church with our girls and I anymore either. I just keep praying for God to put His hand on my husband's heart and press upon him His will. I pray that God will show my husband the path the He has for him. I pray that God will use me to guide my husband to His will and path. Prayer does work. Sometimes it just takes time. I would like to pray for you and your husband. Please send me a private message if you do not want me to. God Bless.
Your sister in christ ~
S.

K.,
My husband and I were raised in two very different religions. I think the most important thing is not to force him to go if he doesn't want to. Have you asked him what made him stop going? If you can understand a little of what is causing this change, it might help you.

Consider that if it's the specific church that is causing problems, maybe the thing to do is consider a new church that you select together.

Best of luck!

Take the kids and go to church. If your husband doesn't want to go then don't force him. Does the church have a mens group that he might be interested in. I know my husband doesn't like to go because I work in the nursery and he doesn't like to sit by himself. I don't force him to go and the kids understand that he doesn't want to go. They do there Sunday School thing and get out of it what they need to know. Pray for him and when he is ready he will go. Right now he is an Easter Christmas church goer, but at least I can get him to go those days. Good luck and prayers for you and him.

I know this may sound cliched, but prayer and patience have seemed to work best with me. My husband and I are on different spiritual levels too. I grew up in a very strict Nazarene family, and he grew up Catholic. He now says he is agnostic. When I was pregnant with our first son, I explained to him that it is very important to me that we all worship as a family. We went to several different churches (different Protestant religions) before we found one where we were both comfortable. He doesn't sing/read/pray along, but he goes with me and has even gotten involved in our small group. Recently, he missed a Sunday. I still took the kids to church, but I was mad although I tried not to let him know it; I told him I love him and went to church. When we got back, I told him, "My love is not contingent on your church attendance, but it is one of the many things I appreciate about you." He then surprised me by admitting that he could not relax because he felt guilty. My husband feels that our kids need to make their own decision about God. We both want them to hear the stories of Jesus that we learned as children so they never ask why we didn't tell them when their older. Statistics show that when a man attends church, his children are more likely to attend later in life. Maybe that will make him want to go too?? I don't know if any of this helps at all, but I would strongly suggest you (and others) lift him and your family up in prayer and try to be patiend on the times he doesn't attend with you. Whatever you do, don't let that stop you from going with your children. Maybe you and your husband should look at different churches together to find one where he can get involved.

i go thru this alot with my spouse, and am told repeatedly to just go. go to church with the kids, and eventually he'll come around. the kids need that foundation regardless of if your spouse comes or not. i don't always succeed, but when my dh doesn't want to go, i try and make sure the kids go anyway. so go to a real church that teaches them about the bible, and he'll come around once he sees you all continuing to go. good luck! i know its hard, but its worth it!

Although spirituality can be a wonderful thing, it does seem to take over some peoples lives. No matter what your husband chooses regarding attending church, the most important thing is your love and respect for eachother. Showing your children that people can have different views on things and still care deeply for eachother is probably a better lasting lesson that forcing your husband to do what you want. No matter what beliefs you raise your children with, they are individuals who will one day go out into the world a begin learning things for themselves. Loving your husband no matter what will teach your children the importance of understanding. THey will learn by your example.

The first things that come to mind would be to continually pray for your husband. That his heart will be changed and his passion will return. And then be sure that your actions show what a difference your "religion" makes in your life and the children's. Most of all continue to honor your husband. Even though sometimes people can be disappointed in church or the people there, there is still important lessons to be learned. Church provides a time of worship, community, and gives hope to this world. Otherwise you can often feel like you are isolated and in a "dessert". Not being refreshed each week by attending a loving and biblical church. Hope this helps in some way. I will be remembering you.

I went thru this with my ex hubby. HE was very church oriented when we lived in California then we moved to nevada and had a hard time finding a church home. He basically walked away from the church and became a jerk. We finally divorced after a couple of years for some other reasons. Don't know how to help you or what advice to give, just thought I would let you know you are not alone.

K., I think you are doing the right thing to continue going to church. Some questions come to mind though. Have you asked your husband why he don't want to go to church? or if something has happened to change his mind? or would he go if you guys found another church to attend together? I believe everyone is different and can be on different levels of spirituality, and still be ok together.

Good Luck
God Bless
L.

I am a Christian and My husband is Catholic. Our children are baptized Catholic. I am getting back into the church life. I am taking my girls to church with me. My husband wont come because he is Catholic. I except that, and he except my children coming to my christain church. When our chilr]dren are old enough we will allow them to chose their religion. For now my husband and I can aqree all we really want is for them to konw GOD IS LOVE, and he had sacrafic the unltiment. Not any advice for you sorry just an idea at how we cope on such a hard subject.

Dear K.,
Thank you for this topic, I too experiences not being on the same spiritual level with my spouse, we are so completely different, it is truly amazing that we can even be together. I think what works for me is just knowing the beauty of individuality; It is such a gift for me to get to watch my spouse do what makes his heart sing, (what ever that looks like, without judgment) for me to be a support to him in his journey through life, If there is one main thing I want to teach my son, that would be that peoples differences are beautiful, and that there differences don�t have to change who you are, that everyone is going to be different, that you can love and embrace them for their differences and not judge others for not being like you or feel guilt if you need to try something new, for me, god speaks many languages and I just feel strongly that its important to listen to the language you can here, it may be in religion and going to church every Sunday, it may be other people or support groups, it may be in readings, it may be in just sitting alone or going fishing, maybe painting or watching sports, or giving service to the community, or all the above. I�ve even noticed some people need to be angry and/or depressed for a while to find them selves. I want to teach my son that he doesn�t have to be like others, but that he can truly take the time he needs and do what it takes to find and be him self. I congratulate you on the beautiful color, diversity and gifts God adds to your family.

My husband and I are different religions. Since he did not attend his church we are bringing our daughter up in my religion (we are both christians). He attends my church on holidays and special occasions. I still go and when my daughter is older she will come with me. I think it is important to remember that religion and spirituality is very personal and sometimes people go through periods of time when they question their beliefs. And that sometimes pushing someone to attend church will get the opposite effect. I would give him time and encourage him to talk with you when he is ready. Or even your minister or priest if he feels more comfortable with that. But I wouldn't pressure. That will make it worse. Just keep setting a good example for your kids.
Hope that helps!
S.

I wish I had the answers for you. I go through the same thing. My husband is spanish and is religion is catholic, I was baptized as baptist. I took the effort to go to his church and understand what it means to him, but he will not go to mine because they do not believe in the virgin mary. So I go through struggles because I want us to be at church together. Good Luck, B.

K., it sounds like the act of going to church is very important for you in order to feel you are being spiritual, but some people do not feel this way...maybe your husband is one of these people. Personally, I feel most spiritual and true to my religion when I am doing things for others or trying to be the best person possible. Have you talked to him about what his idea of showing spirituality is? Maybe something happened that changed his idea of the importance of "showing face" at church each week. I think that sometimes organized religion can be too much for some people--they feel like others are telling them how they should celebrate their religion, like there is not more than one way. I would tell my children of the endless ways of showing spirituality, and lead by example--your husband can lead in one aspect, and you in another. Kudos to you for being so passionate about your religion, no matter how you choose to show it.