Husband's Family - Mobile,AL

I would pretend I was one of those people who don't know FB that well and wouldn't even notice you were deleted. Go to Disney, enjoy, If she is awkward, or cold, then be very humble and apologize for what you think upset her on FB.

Whether you meant to or not, you offended her.
I think you should call her, apologize and move forward. This is family, not a stranger on the street.

My uncle was fairly famous... When he died I got sick. and. tired. of people making stupid comments. Even those that were fairly innocuous, but it was an open and raw wound.

ESP because MOST comments were not neutral.

So even the ones that were neutral, I overreacted to.

Ditto : My divorce.

There was a point not long ago that I went OFF THE HANDLE at people talking about how sad divorce is for kids. Or how parents "need" to work together & provide a united front in coparenting. .

Yeah. I'm sure in general that's true. But not always. Like when one parent is physically abusive, the MARRIAGE is sad, not the divorce, and sure... Lets be united in calling a kid a "fat f***ing faggot", or choking him out, or forcing him to run until his feet are bleeding and he passes out, or any of dozens of other examples will NEVER happen. No earthly force will make me 'validate' my exes "discipline"

It may have been that she lost it because she was sick to death if ignorant comments (like I was over my uncle) even though your comment was totally innocuous....or because it was a site specific gaff (like he killed the other kid to stop him from raping/beating/killing someone else... And killing him was the BEST thing that could have happened, not a sad thing..

Or any of a score of other things. Including being offended you refered to her town as small & other mmm'kay? type things.

Regardless.... You hurt her in some way. You don't understand why or how (and may never), but you hurt her.

And she STILL invited your family out & hooked you guys up.

If she's not over it, then that shows her to be a very big person indeed, and is pretty awesome.

If she is over it, then she still might not like you, but she's not holding some kind of huge grudge/ crazy vendetta/ etc.

Which is also pretty awesome.

So... Any way I look at it... The situation is pretty awesome.

Which demands graciousness, yes?
She may never like you.
You may never like her.
But both if you can be kind to the other.

She may not like you, although the reason seems silly to me. However, I would imagine she gave your family the passes and is allowing your family to stay with her because she loves your husband. So, don't feel like you are taking advantage or anything, she is doing something nice for your hubby, and by extension, his wife and children.
Do your best to be a good house guest and to show your appreciation. I would personally avoid any confrontation with her, just be kind. She may well change her mind about you after she sees that you are actually a nice person. Or, if she is cold, just plaster a smile on your face and spend as much time out of the house as possible, likely you will be anyway. Don;t forget to send her a thank you card from the family once you get home.

I really bet everything will be fine. She just doesn't know you personally.

You should go. Quite frankly, after this nasty slight of hers, she OWES you. You just keep being the person you are. Don't try to change yourself just because she is a nasty person.

Unlike the opinion of some other posters here, I would NOT bring up what happened. There is NOTHING to be gained by doing it. There was nothing wrong with saying that you were sad that someone was shot. Why would you apologize for that? You had every right to say it. I have no idea why she would be angry at you for that - if she disliked the person who died, that would just make her a terrible person - but no matter, she's obviously not a nice person. If you try to talk to her about this, she's just going to get nasty again. So ignore that she's not a nice person and have fun at Disney. When you come in her house, get the kids washed and dressed for bed, put them down, and then retire yourself. Let your husband entertain his aunt.

In order to save money, bring with you or go to the local large shopping center and buy bread for sandwiches, peanut butter, fruits, snacks, and water bottles. Buy cereal and milk for the mornings. Put the water bottles in the freezer the night before, and let them be what keeps the food cold in the soft containers you bring. If you have a smaller kid, bring an umbrella stroller. It's great for using to carry your stuff too. Try to eat breakfast there before you leave early in the morning (have everything ready the night before so that you don't spend much time. (Take paper bowls and plates and forks and spoons and cups so that there are no dishes to wash.) Take out the trash every morning. If you get up and out quickly and don't leave her kitchen in a mess, she will not be able to accuse you of that. Make all the sandwiches and wash the fruit and put it in little ziplock bags the night before. Have them ready to put in your soft bags to carry to Disney. That way, your morning will go quickly.

If you can afford to eat one meal at Disney, make it dinner at the places that you don't have to make a reservation for. That way you won't be eating peanut butter sandwiches all day, and you won't be eating her food. Only if she invites you to come and eat dinner one night, should you do that.

You also need to tell your husband that HE needs to tell her your schedule. And not like "S. says we're doing this" either. He needs to say that HE wants to do "x".

This vacation will be a lot of work for you. Please ask your husband to help you - washing and drying clothes, keeping the bedrooms and bathroom clean. Tell him that it is his job to entertain his aunt and uncle. And make sure that he does it.

Enjoy the vacation and ignore the fact that your aunt is not a nice person.

Dawn

I would be gracious and courteous. She invited the family and she's fond of your husband. Be a good guest.

She may not like you. That's okay. Ignore friend or not on FB. Just support your husband's relationship with her. Everything else is superfluous. Hope you have a wonderful time at Disneyland.

I agree with One and Done. Even though you didn't mean to offend her with your comment, it apparently hit her the wrong way. An apology and some kind words would probably go very far in smoothing things over. And definitely go to Disney! Hopefully by then, you and she will be comfortable with each other.

Best of luck!

Since you know it offended her, call and apologize, tell her how excited you are for the trip. I would go, and be a good guest.....I'd leave a nice gift for her when you leave. Try to get a picture of her with your family.....I'd send it to her with a nice thank you after you get back.

It is so easy, just go forward with your plans. When you get there pull her aside and say I am sorry if I said anything that offended you that was not my intent.

Sounds like she's not the type to hold a grudge, since you said it was after the conversation that your husband planned the Disney trip. If she had a big problem with you, I highly doubt that she'd be inviting to host you and get free passes for you.

Go, be a wonderfully gracious house guest and assume that she is fine with you.

I don't understand why you're uncomfortable or making this so complicated. Clearly, you inadvertently struck a negative cord with your husband's aunt when you made the comment on the news story. She deleted you when she probably intended to hide your comments. It happens. In the heat of anger, she had sent your husband, her nephew, a text about how upset she was. It was more about HER than it was about you and frankly he should simply have allowed her to vent, made an apology to her for you, and never ever shown you or told you about that text.

As it stands now, your aunt has not directly approached you so I would let it go unless she approaches you. Don't make this any bigger of a deal than it needs to be. She's clearly let it go if she's getting free passes for your family and letting your entire family stay in her home. If that's not "she's not holding a grudge" then I don't know what is.

In other words, she let it go and now you should too. This happened MONTHS ago, correct? Thanksgiving was over two months ago now. LET IT GO. She clearly has. So yes, suck it up.

of course you should go. everything else is her problem. why would you and your family miss a fun trip because someone has issues.
see? no rudeness :)

I also have had an incident where someone deleted me after I had commented on something (and not meaning anything by it and/or it wasn't at all offensive). I think a lot of people don't realize that they can just 'hide' us from their stuff --don't have to delete us!!! But, I think my friend wanted to delete me to make a point. I have realized that that is fine... I don't miss her posts, that is!

Disney.... go, and act normal, and see how she responds. Families are funny little worlds. It is amazing to me what can really make some people mad and what others can withstand... such a huge difference between people. Yours was nothing -- absolutely nothing to hold anything against you for. Does your husband know all this? Be sure he does. I have learned with little things like this, they can get bigger b/c of something else 'little' that happens..... and it is not fun. good luck and I hope you have fun at Disney!

Suck it up and go. If this may be your only chance to take the kids, who cares if she likes you or not. You're not going for her; you're going for your kids.

Tune her out and have a great time!

I would go on the trip. Smile from ear to ear when you see her. Sometimes smiles are contagious. Think of this as a test to be nice to somebody you might just win over by the end of the trip. It's worth a try.

Call her a week ahead of time while she is out and leave a message that you are so appreciative that the kids will be able to go to Disney. Ask her if she needs anything that is "packable."

We went to Disney in May. Make sure you see the Electric Parade when you visit the Magic Kingdom! It's beautiful !

When you get back, write a TY card. In the TY, say, I really want to thank you for having us come down and the hospitality...

Go...and just pretend nothing happened. Be pleasant, respectful, helpful,clean up after your kids constantly, and wash and change sheets/towels before leaving. You can never go wrong by Killing hatred with kindness.

We just got back from Disney. So fun but so exhausting and busy. We live in fl and got passes this year. I booked beginning of feb mon-wed hoping to beat weekend crowds. Oh no, it was so busy everywhere and it was supposed to be a slow week.

Have fun and enjoy yourself. Take all her advice on getting around Disney bc it sure helps to know what u are doing. We have been about 6 times in the past 3 yrs and we r finally getting good at beating the lines even when it is busy.

How old are your children? Really? The ONLY time they could go? Please have some confidence in yourself and don't take crumbs from people who think they are better.

They are NOT. If you want better for your children and willing to do what it takes....IT WILL HAPPEN.

Blessings..

I would go and have fun. As far as the comment goes, obviously it was a fleeting moment, because she offered you a place in Florida. Forget it happened and move on.

Personally I would send her another Facebook request. Then see what she does. If she doesn't accept it i would have your husband ask her about it.

You are not in the wrong. We all run our mouth sometimes about things we don't know much about. It is our way to talk it out...cope with things. Your comment on the news feed sounds very benign.

Yes..suck it up and go. Go to Disneyland. You will have a great family trip. Ignore immature,emotional antics from the aunt. If your adorable,doting nephew of a husband is your ticket to a great trip to Disneyland...then hold on tight to your golden ticket.

If she doesn't like you...it is her loss. Just smile and be nice.

Have a happy time..at the happiest place on earth!!

Okay - a tad dramatic - this is not their "ONLY" chance to go to Disney.

Go. IF she gives you the evil eye - when the two of you are alone - tell her you are sorry you offended her. Otherwise, act like nothing happened.

In my opinion, you feel uncomfortable because your gut is telling you you did something wrong -maybe you didn't - however - you made a comment about something you knew nothing about, someone called you on it (well, sort of, she should have said something directly to you instead of texting your husband, but really - neither here nor there).

Yes! It's sad that it happened. However, what made you comment about it? What it part of a feed or is it something you just randomly posted? Maybe she felt you were taking a swipe at her community. Small town people are very protective over their community.

Side note: Don't fake it. People pick up on people who are being fake. So be yourself. Don't be "super nice" as for some? It is perceived as fake or just trying too darned hard and are put off by it.

Good luck and have fun!

ehh who cares your kids happiness is worth a little awkwardness plus maybe you'll bond a little and get over the silly drama?

i'd say if you cancelled a trip over her defriending you oud be J. as petty as her

Say something, but only if you mean it. Apologize -- but how about doing it because you feel you should, and not because it makes a trip to Disney cheaper?

Yeah, you made a comment and had no idea it would anger or hurt her. Not your fault, I agree. You didn't know she had anything to do with the situation. But sometimes we need to take responsibility for the results even if we're not at fault. That's the definition of an accident -- you didn't meant to do it but you did cause the result and own at least partial responsibility. Of course she's responsible for her own feelings and for overreacting big-time --but on your side, you blew the chance just to say, "What a goof I made, I had no idea you knew these folks and I'm sorry. I truly didn't mean to come off as dissing your town."

Simple, direct. But it could have been done before Disney was in the mix. Now it may appear to her that you're only saying sorry because you want something from her. But I'd say it anyway.

This is your husband's aunt. Apparently she loves him and wants to be in his life. That puts her in YOUR life, for good. So. Do you really want to make your stand on this particular hill and let your entire relationship die over something that is this petty on both sides?

Where is your husband in all this? Is he willing to stay with aunt while you and she fume at each other? Fun trip. Maybe he's hoping that you and she will get along better after you spend some time with her.

You say that "I think she only invited us down because she loves and misses" your husband as if that's a bad thing. It isn't. Even if she doesn't like you, you and she need to be adults about your own relationship so that your husband can keep his relationship with her if that's what he wants. She doesn't have to like you and you don't have to like her. But apologizing to her and then dropping it would benefit you both so you're not fuming the whole time.