Husband Made a Stupid joke...how Would You Feel?

My friends husband was upset with her because he overheard us talking about hiring a cute pool boy. Neither one of us even have a pool!! It was a joke, don't let it bother you. Life is too short.

What? If that bothers you I can't imagine how you'd get through a day of my life. We're pretty open around here and joke about all manner of silly stuff. Life is short loosen up.

Oh heavens-- I wouldn't have cared at all, just laughed. Who has the time, energy or inclination for an orgy!? Seriously, though-- why would you decide to feel bad about this? He wasn't saying anything negative about you. This wasn't even about you. He's just got a sense of humor. If THIS is what you pick to focus on in the relationship, I can understand why he got mad and annoyed. You are picking on him.

He's allowed to be a human being and to joke with his brother without worrying that you have to feel good about everything he says. I know I certainly wouldn't want my husband to be monitoring the dumb things I say on the phone with my girlfriends-- mainly because it's nobody else's business, right?

Let it go.

Sometimes people make stupid jokes. To be honest I would have thought, 'stupid joke, again,' and then got on with whatever I was doing. Don't over think it. It's nothing.

I would have laughed. Nothing to see here. Move along.
I might have joked back about not inviting me too.
Seriously, it was nothing but a stupid joke.
Would not have bothered me in the least.

I would have laughed. I work with men and have 3 brothers. His comment is the sort most men would make. I suggest your anger is really about something else, perhaps related to this.

I understand why your husband was angry. This was just a joke. I wouldn't even say it was stupid. Men joke this way. Actually so do many women. You over reacted. He can't take back the joke. What do you want him to do? I suggest he was frustrated, not understanding why you were angry and not knowing how to respond.

If the two of you have this sort of exchange often, it's time for counseling.

Life is too short. Lighten up.

Seriously? I wouldn't think much if it.
I know my husband loves me and I would know it was nothing more than a stupid "man joke" --or an attempted joke.
You are certainly entitled to any & all of your feelings, but IMO, life's to short to sweat this kind of "small stuff"!

It is indeed just a stupid joke and by getting angry you are giving it to much weight in my opinion.

I would be surprised if my 45+ year old husband didn't make the joke - I saw it coming a mile off before I finished reading your sentence. DH and I both routinely make these kind of jokes to each other and along with others. For example I might ask him when he plans to be home from work. If he hesitates or doesn't know right away, I'll say - well, text me and let me know later so I can get the UPS guy out of the house before you get home. This is just how we are but I guess I could see how others might not find it funny.

I'm taking your words at face value that you don't have reason to be concerned about such things.

It wouldn't bother me at all since it was clearly a joke. I probably would have joked back, "I didn't know you and your brother were that close!" (Ick!)

I'm sorry it bothered you. You can't always help how you feel, but you can control your actions. It would have been best to say nothing about this non-issue. Are things otherwise doing well in your marriage? If so, let it go and move on. If not, then look for the real problem and set about solving it.

It would not have bothered me at all. It is normal for all humans to have fantasies and to joke about adventures, it does not mean they want those things more then they want you or they would go after them rather then staying with you. I wonder about your self esteem if this joke bothered you so much.

I used to think guys outgrew that type of stuff (joking about it, that it's). I never heard anything like that from my dad.

I have come to realize that, either my dad is very much out of the ordinary on this topic, or he hid it well from me. I'm thinking he just hid it from us kids.

My husband is 49 years old, and they don't grow out of it - ever! This is definitely something he and his best friend would joke about. When his friend is over, I find myself ignoring about half the things they say.

Men!

i wouldn't give it a second thought. in fact i'd probably have added something like 'have fun, and pick up milk on your way home!'
but if it bothers you, it bothers you. sounds to me like an indicator of some deeper insecurities within the marriage. have you guys tried sitting down with a facilitator of some sort, to try and learn how to communicate effectively?
khairete
S.

It's a dumb guy joke. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Meh, that's how some guys talk. I probably would have turned it around on him to make him look dumb. "Ew, you want to do your brother? That's naaaasty." Something of that nature. It's nothing serious I'm sure..don't sweat it girl!

I'd feel the same way I do every time my husband makes a stupid joke, roll my eyes and go on with my day.

My Mom once gave me some advice. She said "Men are idiots, and mentally they never progress beyond puberty".
This quote explains my husband perfectly, and quite possibly explains yours. I personally wouldn't worry about this flippant comment he made to his brother. He was probably just trying to act cool in front of his brother.
I've heard my husband say a lot worse and I agree with the others that it's just a guy thing. Now if he had acted on it then yes, you would have had yourself a situation x

I'll be honest. If I had heard that conversation knowing that one of my brothers or brothers-in-law made a joke like that to my husband and he did NOT respond with the follow up, I would be concerned. Is it a crass joke? Yes. But it's a guy thing.

I see in your SWH that you're recognizing some problems that need to be addressed and that's good. I hope you can talk them out.

If he's not the type that would actually follow through, I would just take it as a joke and leave it at that.

I would have known that it was just a stupid joke AND it would have bugged me. I have heard many guys- my husband included- make stupid comments or jokes. I realize that they are just being guys, but sometimes it does bug me. Not enough to get into a deep discussion about it, but enough to say "that was dumb, keep those to a minimum please."

You have every right to feel upset by it. I'm not telling you to lighten up, but I am saying this is a pretty normal thing for guys to do. If it was a random, seldom thing, let it bug you, but move on. If it happens all the time, well then.... a talk must be had. Good luck!

If it were reversed and it was you, saying the joke etc., well he would not think it was funny. At all.
Men.
Tell him that.
Again, they may joke about stuff like that, but if it were their Wife saying the same thing, they can't handle it.

I probably would have said, " what are you 20 and single? That was a stupid joke." And walked out of the room.

My hubby is a joker, but he would never joke like that. I wouldn't be with a man that talked like that. I'm pensive, and glad to be.

I'm surprised that everyone thinks you need to lighten up. I don't.

It was a joke, and not something I would get my panties in a wad over.

men are always going to talking about one or a combo of several different topics..cars, chicks and ( drumroll please) their dicks! not always in that order and not always in the same combo, but, you get the ideal K.

So, he'd have sex with his brother too... so ridiculous that it really IS nothing. Has he historically talked about women like they're sex objects with his brother? If so, this is just more of the same...

However, the fact that he was annoyed and mad at YOU means that he doesn't like you overhearing him talking this kind of talk. THAT, to me, is your real problem. He shouldn't have reacted like that.

I would have felt bad if he would have asked questions about the girl but it sounds like he didn't. I think it was just a dumb joke after all who would want to be in an orgy with their brother?

He was talking to his brother. As long as he wasn't bad-mouthing you or making plans to join their orgy--which was never your concern, anyway--pretty much nothing is off limits between brothers. Your husband should not say that to your boss and likely not your neighbor. His brother? Yeah, it's all good. It's not up to you to like it or think that his "joke" was funny. He wasn't talking to you; you were not his audience. Did his brother laugh? Did they enjoy each other? Mission accomplished.

I would probably ask my husband to keep his orgy talk out of our son's earshot.

His annoyance with you sounds like you might typically try to monitor his behavior. At least he thinks so. It sounds like, "Man, it's my brother! Leave me alone!" If he feels like he has to be careful at every turn not to offend your sensibilities, then he won't want to be around you.

I wouldn't like it either. There should be some self respect on his part and then some repeat for his wife.

I think you are WAY overreacting. Let him know you didn't like it and that it was gross but drop it.