Husband Is Spoiling His Son

Hi J.,
On the dirt bike issue, my son will be 3 in april and he is getting a dirt bike for his birthday. I am scared he may get hurt but thats what he wants to do because daddy goes and rides every weekend and he wants to go too. But if he is already spoiled and he did just get the battery one then I dont think he needs one right now(we skipped the battery operated ones and went straight for the real thing, and we only spent $100). And it is not fair if he gets the bike and the girls dont get something equaly as special(does not have to cost the same but atleast be as special to the girls) I really dont have much to say on the spoiling issue, I try really hard not to spoil my boys but my husbands family spoil's them everyday(my boys are the only boys for this generation and they are the little ones).
so I dont know if I helped at all.
I hope it all works out
A.

Hi J.,
I also have one daughter of my own and two step children. Luckily for me though, my husband sides with me on all issues of the kids. Mine are older though. My daughter is almost 15 and my step daughter is 14 and step son is 16.
I would be pretty upset if he were buying his kids something that expensive (and dangerous) without spending the same for mine.
We both agreed we weren't buying much for any of them this year because of thier behaviour, and at the ages they are now, they know what correct behaviour is and they choose to not act it.
If this were me, I would let my husband know exactly how it is making me feel personally. And then what kind of example is it for the two girls? Are they going to want one in the next few years and is he going to want to spend the equal money on them? Also, in my experience, the more exravagant the gifts when they are younger, the more they expect when they get older. So next Christmas, he'll have to spend over $300.00 on his gift. Hope this helps. Have a good Christmas. S.

Hi J.,

One of the things we do as parents when there's been a divorce is try to "make it up" to the kids by giving them more. I think that's pretty common. While I disagree with the reasoning that he hasn't been "good" enough to have one (I've never thought that was the point of Christmas.) I do think that it should be a family decision (between all 3 of you). So a sit down chat needs to happen. Everyone can talk about their concerns and wants.

Good Luck

one thing dirt bikes are not made for children that young. Its not to hard to help your hubby see this. Go to dirt bike accidents in your search of the web and you will see many many reasons for him not to get one. Copy the articles and send them to hubbys email. And if you really want to get down and dirty and his Mom and Dad are still in your lives let them know what he plans to do. My son is 12 and I would never even consider a dirt bike. So kick him were it hurts. If this doesn't work have your sons Dr. give your hubby a call. Even the sales people will let him know its not age apporiate. I stink at spelling sorry. SAFTY FOR YOUR STEPSON is the way to go with this one. Good luck I hope it works out for you...and the little guy. Kindly B. age 35 Mom of three

Hi J.,
I agree with Angie. The battery-operated one should be just fine for the time being. When taking into consideration the boy's behavior, he is definitely old enough to know the difference between rewards and consequences. I'm not sure if it'll get through to your husband, but you and his ex may want to consider sitting down with your husband (on neutral ground) and express the issues at hand as well as the safety concerns you both have. If your husband buys the dirt bike for your stepson, you and his mother can take it and lock it away as a consequence for bad behavior. Please keep us posted.