Husband Is So Strict!!

You might want to consider family counseling to help with the communication issues. If dad enforces a rule or punishment, you should be able to enforce the same policy. The two of you arguing over what is right and isn't will cause your son to learn how to manipulate one over the other parent. It may also be time for you and dad to sit down and agree on proper punishments, so that discipline is agreeable to everyone. The biggest thing to remember is parenting should be a team effort between the both of you.

Wow, I thought I was strict. Your husband is going way too far with this. Get some counseling, together.

I hate to say it but I've heard this story all too many times before. There's seems to be a pattern with step-fathers being more strict and at times even abusive to their step-children.
Not that that is what is going on here but, I recommend family counseling perhaps your husband has some hidden feelings he is not even aware of and is acting as this over-disciplinarian as a result. Does he seem to treat the 5 month old differently? This could lead to more problems also later on between siblings.

A.,
I agree that there are times when a child needs discipline, but it sounds like things just aren't working out in your home. Our boys play their DS's and would continue until the cows come home if we let them. Our oldest (8yr old) has had it taken away for 1 month for making a bad choice. He is due to get it back this Saturday. All week long he has been asking and nagging about getting it back early, but I just stick to my guns and tell him "no". The rule in our home is who ever takes the toy away is the one who rewards it back. (I'm lucky here. Daddy took it away.) I agree with your husband about not letting him take it to school. I feel that the games are a distraction and a magnet to others.
However, I disagree with your husband about the extra homework. That is just absurd. Your son could find something else to do like read a book, magazine or even comic. He could draw, write a journal or find out if the supervising teacher has something to do that would help them out like correcting papers, sorting, making copies, etc.

In my opinion you are making things worse by being more lenient with your son. He must feel confused. Each parent is from one extreme to the other. You know the good/evil thing.

Family counseling sounds like what your family needs. Your husband may protest, but if he cares about the family, he will go. There may even be something that is bothering your husband that has nothing to do with your son yet he takes it out on him. Men who really care and love their families will go to counseling. Those who protest have some deep personal issues that they are afraid to reveal, even to those they love. (Skeletons in the closet like a childhood trauma)

Talk with someone before you approach your husband and get help for your family.

Be well.