Husband Is Constantly Irritating

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your baby, T. – I can't imagine anything that would be a bigger grief than that.

I find your request really interesting. You seem to indicate contradictory things: that your aren't more touchy than other people, and perhaps can even tolerate more bluntness than other people, but that things that might not bother other people really bother you, including when they try to sugar-coat everything so you won't be offended. The things we hear from others that annoy us the most usually (I would even say ALWAYS) contain some bit of truth we don't like and don't want to consider.

Is it possible that your husband is giving you good information? Could your reactions be strong enough or unpredictable enough that people don't quite know how to talk to you? I'm not there, so I can't know one way or the other, but there are curious contradictions in your request. If you want your relationships with others to change, it might be worth looking at whether you send out mixed messages.

I agree that you can be honest but also polite, which it sounds like you are. It is also unfair to make a judgement of someone's character when they are grieving such a loss. It almost sounds like this Mike person likes the reputation he has for himself and it sounds a little off, but if he figures out you won't play his game, maybe he will act more normally around you.

I am so sorry about the loss of your child - have you had any kind of counseling or therapy to deal with the grief? And the feelings you had because of how your family treated you? Because it is obviously still affecting you and your outlook on people and how you respond to them.

I think you are reading way too much into what your husband said and taking it all too personally. I would just let it go, and realize that we cannot control what others say or how they say it, but we can control how we react to them. It's only an argument if you continue to let it be an argument.

I am so sorry for the loss of your child.

And, I really think that if you were offended by the suggestion that you are reasonably easily offended, there might be some truth to your husband's statement. It's not a bad thing, but you have to appreciate the irony of having a big fight over whether you guys fight easily over little stuff.

Try to give your husband a break. Doesn't sound like there's a lot of ways for him to win here.

Good luck.

You said your Husband is constantly irritating in the title of your post, and then later in your post you said that your family (while you were grieving) were all pretty much dissing you too.
So your Husband disses you and your family, too.
To me, they ALL seem pretty irritating... or have a problem with you or among themselves and they put it on you, or whatever.
So either they all have personality problems.... or, maybe you are sensitive... in certain areas. But to me, so what. No one is made of Teflon.
If something is irritating, then so be it. If something is offending, then so be it.

To me, your Husband and his friend 'Mike".... are pretty much, looking for a reaction. Mike seems to be the type, that likes to offend people. Pretty Juvenile behavior if you ask me. So why let him and your Husband bait you? Its real immature of them.

My Husband has all types of friends, the "Mike" type as well... and to me...they are just over-grown Frat boy types. Nothing amazing. Just looking for attention. Childish. And your Husband's friend "Mike" ... seems to ENJOY irking his friend's Wives. Or to irritate them. Its a game to him. So why play it.

He is creating "drama" already.... and your Husband too.
Geez.

all the best,
Susan

I think you are way overanalyzing. Maybe this is what you do? Do you overanalyze things people say and get offended? Or maybe your husband thinks you are an emo because he is levelheaded. Lots of men think their wives are emotionally whacko and he probably told his family you were. Men are so dumb about women sometimes. Let it go. Your dh is just clueless.

Ughhh I sure wouldn't want to meet Mike after reading this. You are dodging a bullet here...

Let the Mike thing drop. I agree, it's okay to speak your mind, but sometimes you have to have class and know when to keep your mouth shut.

Sounds like Mike is a pill, and he knows it and so does everyone else. I'm thinking you reacted a little too personally here and made an big issue with your husband over a comment that could have been easily dropped. From your comments, it sounds like you probably do this often, and that can effect your relationships with people, and how close they want to get to you.

I'm sorry about your miscarriage, it must be a painful thing to go through. If your family felt you had a bipolar disorder, perhaps you were showing severe ups and downs that had them concerned. Hopefully, everything has leveled out.

You know what book would REALLY help you?
"How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnagie:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp...

It is the number one rated book of helping people to navigate uncomfortable social situations, and helps you achieve making better relationships with not only family, but associates and even strangers.

My husband's side of the family is prone to high stress levels. This makes them irritated. When they are at a high level they NEVER think they are out of kilter. They think they are just fine.

However, for them, taking something like 5-htp really helps get them back on track so that the rest of the world is behaving better. (heh - it's just their perception that has re-balanced.)

If you won't spend money on a good checkup, get "The Mood Cure" from the library and have you and your husband read through it. IMHO I think a medical evaulation is very worth it. Check into a Naturopath. They are medical doctors who rely on natural supplements whenever possible.