Hello, my husband of 4 years laid a big bombshell on me. He just confessed to cheating on me with a "lesbian" (yeah that's what she claimed she was, I even tried to hook her up with a friend of mine). I knew something was going on with someone but I decided to give him the benifit of the doubt and not trust my instincts. He says I haven't been giving him the attention that he needs, but he doesn't understand that with two toddlers running around crazy all day, I just don't have the energy, so anyway he wants a divorce and the kids and I out of the house. what should I do? how do I restart our lives?
I'm so sorry A.. That is terrible. It must be overwhelming. One thing I can say is that if he wants to leave, he should do the leaving. You should stay in the house and he can find himself an apartment and support the children and you.
Unless you have someplace nice to go, I'd tell the cheater that he can leave! The one who has to stay and raise the children should have the house. Get a lawyer fast! He stomped on you emotionally and then is expecting you to move out? If you need help with other services while you are in transition call 211 or go online to 211centraltexas.org. It's a free community helpline to hook people up with food, support groups, government resources, etc.
Take the high road. Don't get angry and freak out. Use your anger wisely and let it fuel you slowly to your place of healing. And keep hugging those babies!
Go today and get a good attorney. Preferably a woman attorney. Demand from him/her that your husband needs to get out, and you want allimony as well as child support.
Now is the time to be tough. Good luck.
That is SO devastating A... I got a huge knot in my stomach reading that. I'm so sorry that is happening to you. I can only imagine what that feels like. The best thing you can do is get a counselor, for one, to sort through this experience because it will probably hurt for a while. I see someone who is amazing and would be glad to give you her info if you're interested. Aside from that, focus on loving your babies and being the best mama you can be to them. It sounds like your husband doesn't have much regard for what he's doing to you and the children, so you are gonna have to be super mommy for those babies. It'll come to you easily with that mama instinct. But I highly recommend seeing a counselor for a while if you haven't already.. it will really help with the anxiety and anger about it so you can be the best possible mama for your kiddos. Lots of love, mama!
And also-- HE should be leaving, not you. You and the kids should stay in the house. That's just a huge blow on top of what he's already done.. that makes me so mad!!
At the very least you should keep the house and HE should go. I'm pretty sure that any court will say the same. Get a lawyer QUICK! I'm sorry about all this for you :-(. There will be someone better for you someday - he doesn't deserve you.
A.,
God bless that you found out ths soon.
Right now it seems like the END of the world. Remembert he has to give you CHILD SUPPORT for your children and you request the max percentage to be collected by the court so you will NOT miss any payments and you will be able to first afford housing with this money and eventually purchase a house. You can also request payment for their EDUCATION and put this in the divorce decree. Also, get a FEMALE lawyer that offers FREE 30 min consultation and have all your questions written down you are do not want to be fubbling in those FREE 30 minutes.
That is always the coup out question - You did not give me enough ATTENTION ? Again, they always put the BLAME ON THE WIFE, when you have been a good wife and mother. Good ridden a WOMANIZER ALWAYS A WOMANIZER BELIEVE ME ! He did it once he will DO IT AGAIN, AGAIN AND AGAIN.
He lost TOTAL RESPECT for you in sleeping with another women and you DESERVE BETTER. You are the LUCKY ONE to get out of this situation NOW.
I went thru the same situation but my children were older and I did not sign the DIVORCE paper until he agreeded to PAY for my children's education though it is NOT REQUIRED LAW to pay. I just held out in NOT SIGNING the divorce papers and he gave in. You might be taking RISK and delay the divorce BUT try it any way.
In the next relationship, just be very causious, look for the RED FLAGS, if there are any DO NOT GO thru with it. Their problems will be there FOREVER and you WILL NEVER change that.
God Bless and GOOD LUCK, do the BEST for your children. Keep those emotions and thinking on track and your will be fine.
Ms. M.
Well, the first thing you do is get a good divorce lawyer -- and talk to the lawyer before YOU move anywhere. Whatever happens immediately will be what the courts take as the baseline for a custody hearing. A good lawyer is going to put you in a MUCH better position. (And it sounds like your husband is selfish enough that you do need one.)
My recommendation is that HE needs to get out of the house. He has a lot of responsibilities to you that he is not living up to. The second most obvious (after the responsibility to be faithful and TALK about problems before it comes to this) is to make sure that you and the kids do have somewhere to live. And another is to help you find your way back towards whatever way you supported yourself before you put it on hold to take care of his children.
Hi A.
First of all, you can do anything you set your mind to; and you have 2 kids to do it for.
I won't speak about your husband because I have no answers for that, but only for you and your kids- YES! ABSOLUTELY , LIFE GOES ON AFTER INFIDELITY.
Do you have friends or family that you can stay with until you get on your feet? I think I would start there. I can't even imagine what you're going through so I won't pretend to know how you feel. I just know you can't give up.
Camille
