Around lunch time my husband called and asked me to not look at his bank account until I got my Christmas present. We can't afford much. We struggle to make ends meet every month. I asked him how much was spent and he told me $100 and I thought..ok that's not bad. Then I asked him if it was $100 total and no more and he said no, $100 as a down payment. We can't afford any more monthly payments. I told him that and he said that after seeing it at Christmas if I didn't like it he would take it back but that this was something he wanted to do/get for me.
I am very afraid that it is a very expensive wedding set. I already have one but the other day when we were at Sam's I pointed out a 3 karat, 3band $3,000 ring and told him I would love (but from a different place than Sam's) to have that after we get caught up in debt as we are in so much debt right now.
Advise please? What should I do? I don't want to hurt his feelings but at the same time I don't want to be more in debt and it might not be the ring so I don't know how much more in debt we would be. What would you do in a situation like this? I've told him that what ever it is he should wait until we are out of debt. I also sent him a text message telling him that he needs to reconsider this and that I am pretty sure this was a spur of the moment purchase.
Ladies, What should I do??? I don't want any more debt!! I don't want to hurt his feelings! I'm so confused on what to do. Thanks for any help.
Let me also add that we are not always in debt. We currently are because we recently purchased our first home and all of our credit cards are maxed out from the expensive move and stuff for our new home, savings drained from closing costs, and then we also purchased a used car that we are paying off. I expect to be out of debt realistically in 2-3 years.
**I know it is jewelry of some type because that is what he gets me when he does get me something. I just deep down have the feeling that it is the wedding set. I feel that way because of the way he acted after I showed it to him and him talking to the sales person. There is also a Jared's directly next door from where he works.
He gave it to me yesterday. It is a lovely ring from Jared's. I talked with him this morning and told him how much I appreciated the though and intent. I told him that if I kept it, it would cause me more anxiety and for us to return it and we both will go and pick out a set once we can pay cash for it. He is disappointed and I hate that. I know he wanted to totally knock my socks off with this ring and he did....even the thought that he would buy me such a lovely ring did. He says when we return it he wants me to pick out something for myself but I'm not going to. Thanks for all the advise.
Don't worry about it. My hubby overspent on me as well. If he thinks you guys can deal with the payment then let him worry about it.
Don't say anything until after christmas. Your husband may be a bit impulsive like mine. Thank him for the gift. Let him bask in his efforts to do something wonderful and thoughtful. Then calmly tell him that as beautiful, or a amazing the gift is (whatever it was), that what you really want in the big picture is less stress and adding to debt is only increasing your anxiety. Don't stress about it. He says its returnable and likely, he really struggled to think of something to get you. Say nothing until after christmas. But I agree, $3000 on jewelry when you are in debt is not right.
How about this? When you open your gift, act overjoyed, and tell your husband how much you love it. Thank him so much for loving you and being such a thoughtful husband. But then tell him that as much as you love the ring (or whatever it is that costs way too much), you won't be able to look at it without a reminder of how much debt you have. And then make a deal with him: You two go together to return the jewelry. (So he doesn't feel bad taking it back all by himself.) As soon as you two are out of debt and can pay cash for this item, you will buy it again.
I would feel uncomfortable having such an expensive item, knowing that it is just adding more to our debt. You don't want to hurt your husband's feelings or make him feel like an irresponsible kid for spending too much money. But in all practicality, you probably should return the jewelry and wait until you are in better shape financially. Lucky you for having such a generous husband though!
Let your husband do what your husband wants to do. Trust him. Now, personally, I wouldn't do debt. We don't do debt. Maybe you can get Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover for him for Christmas. Tell him he has to read it now, and you will let him decide what to do about your gift after he reads the book. :) However, be sure to gush and thank him so much for his demonstration of love to you. Make sure he knows that it is him you love, not the gift, whatever it is. I have learned to be extremely careful about what I tell my husband I like. He always buys it for me. I even have to be careful about saying I like houses! He feels like we should sell our house and get me one like whatever it is I said I like that day. I had to explain to him that I love architecture, and that I love our house and wouldn't want to move. I don't like the location of x house, but that I like the color or lines, or whatever. Not more than ours, but it's okay to think things are pretty. He is a gem of a man.
Wait and see what it is. If it's the jewelry you think it is, it can be returned afterward. If you get to that point, you can tell him that while you love the sentiment behind it, every time you look at it you'd be thinking about your debt and it would be much more meaningful to have years from now. Then I would suggest that for now, you let him get you something in your price range ($100 can buy something pretty made of silver and non-precious stones) that you can enjoy wearing and admiring without guilt or anxiety.
But see what it is first!
Well, there isn't much you can do until you see what he gives you. Maybe you're mistaken about the jewelry and you'll get a fancy chain saw.
You'll have to commend him over and over (and over) for his warm, generous heart. Many women wish they had such a husband. But you'll also need to let him know how truly afraid you are of the idea of being in more debt - you must let him know that it would be a tremendous gift to you to know that there won't be so many bills. If your husband is a romantic, don't expect him to respond enthusiastically, but maybe he'll tone down a little. He'll keep that in the back of his mind.
And please, please, DON'T point out more jewelry to him! Not even if it were made just for you! :^)
I understand and sympathize with you. My husband loves to give expensive gifts (usually not ones I asked for, often don't like/want or need). I am absolutely brilliant at being an ungracious gift receiver. Then we learned about love languages and I learned his language of love is giving gifts. Now, I try and accept the intent behind it and he understands that I love the idea behind it but will often not want it. Strange, I know, but just knowing that this is how we work has helped tremendously. And all the times he has way overspent when we had no money somehow manged to work out whether it was through returns or acceptance. Have a good talk and trust. Namaste
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I understand and sympathize with you. My husband loves to give expensive gifts (usually not ones I asked for, often don't like/want or need). I am absolutely brilliant at being an ungracious gift receiver. Then we learned about love languages and I learned his language of love is giving gifts. Now, I try and accept the intent behind it and he understands that I love the idea behind it but will often not want it. Strange, I know, but just knowing that this is how we work has helped tremendously. And all the times he has way overspent when we had no money somehow manged to work out whether it was through returns or acceptance. Have a good talk and trust. Namaste
I believe you can return it to Sams. I would do it no matter where he buys it and beg the manager to take it back. The misery of debt would ruin the joy of the wedding set.
I don't have an answer, my hubby overspends on stuff i don't want, but we do have enough of a cushion we wouldn't be in debt for it. I'm sure my hubby wouldn't take anything back with out being CRUSHED. But on the same hand I've had gifts from him that make me mad/sad/disgusted and ruin any loving feelings. some time i tellhim and sometimes i stuff it way down deep.
What interestes me about the responses you have gotten so far, is that they say to Trust him, that he would know if you guys could handle it or not. I didn't read anything in your question that leads me to believe that he is the one writing out the bills and managing the money, and i know alot of times couples don't know exactly what they owe and are in denial about it, or do very well know and just don't care as much as the other partner.
What ever you end up doing, it sounds like maybe in the future you need to set limits for gifts. or at least try.
Good luck and merry christmas, i hope your new house is lovely!
Just wait to see what it is he got you first. It may be something completely different then your thinking. So be patient and wait and see and deal with accordingly on Sunday. Just remember he's trying to be thoughtful!
