Husband Getting Sad

All the advice seems great, and giving him the bath time is what I did with my daughter. Another idea is to put a shirt that he's worn that day, in the crib with her at night. That way his scent become more familiar to her as well!

Hi, it would seem that some of the time he can console her, because her problem is not hunger. In those moments, he can sway with her or gently bounce her while swaying, they love this, and will often fall asleep because they really only needed to relax. He could look at the times that he can help her, like when she is happier because she has a dry diaper or when she is dressed after bathing. Soon enough she'll be eating foods that he can help with.

Try wearing one of his shirts, then have him wear that same shirt for a while whenever he needs to hold her. That may work...

This sounds oh so familiar! My youngest daughter did the very same thing with her daddy. I was breast feeding as you are and decided to try pumping into bottles so that he could share in feeding time as well....that way, she still got breast milk and was able to bond with him at the same time. It worked! Good luck to you and your family!

I know this might not be what you want to hear. My suggestion is that you back away from the situation. If you take the baby away from your husbanh everytime the baby crys you will make the situation worse. Fathers do parenting different for mother NOT WRONG just different. I have seen so many mother push the childs fathers away from their children. Let the two of them figure it out. Dont tell him how to hold or to comfort your baby. He is nervous and they baby problably feels it and if you are hovering you are not helping! LEAVE the room! Don't nagg! Tell your husband he will figure out what works for the two of them! He must do this without your help! (we mean well but our advise sounds like critisim, even if that is not what we mean to do!) You cant tell him what will work for them. If you keep taking the baby your husband he WILL withdraw from your child.. I have seen it happen again and again.

This always makes me sad because the mother of the child believes they are helping their childs father. The father, even when he dosen't say so, feels like they cant do childcare right! Next thing you know he will call taking care of you baby "BABYSITTING".

I hope you can let them have time to figure it out themselves. Take a bath with a headset on listening to you favorite music. REMEMBER its just different from the way you do it NOT wrong. STOP HELPING. They will get it together faster if they figure it out together.

Sorry if this is too direct, Your child need two very different loving parents. They will be better for it!

M.

Mine was like that and I think most of them are. He can't take it so personally. There will be a time after breast feeding that the baby will go to him more and he will be able to comfort her better than you. And that will go back and forth for 20 years: you then him, then him then you, then you then him.... etc.

We have a similar situation at my house. My son is a nursing almost 2 month old and he too is unhappy with anyone but mommy at times. One trick I have picked up is my towel. I use a little receiving blanket or prefold cloth diaper when I nurse. It, of course, gets covered in breastmilk and smells just like mommy. I make sure to hand one of these to my husband (or whomever) when they take him. I also lay one n his cradle with him when he is resting and he tends to sleep longer. So far, so good!

As for hubby having the blues, I'm not so sure. It is tough for them to understand the strong bond that breatfeeding can create. That bond is a wonderful, natural and necessary thing, althought that explanation may not quite suffice for him.

Good luck!

Our husbands sound very much alike. When I decided to nurse, I felt he needed to have a time that was exclusively his. He's in charge of bath time. Every night when bath time comes around, it's his time to spend with baby. It seems to really have helped my husband to do this. Your child might not like baths, but maybe find something your husband and daughter can do together while you have mommy time.

Hope this helps.

my husband went through this too with our ist child but it was real bad because he missed almost the first 4 mths because of hurrican katrina ( he was put on active duty) this is something i tried. i would wrap up in a blanket and that way it would smell like me and when tony held blane he would have him in the blanket. one time icame home from the store and tony was wearing a shirt that i had slept in just so blaine would chill out. tell you husband things will get better

I agree with some of the other posters. Try pumping and letting him feed the baby. This will be beneficial for you as the baby gets older also, believe me. I have a friend who did no introduce a bottle to her baby for a very long time, and at 1 year old she still had to make sure she was there for EVERY feeding because he would NOT take a bottle. Eventually, although it may not seem like it now, you are going to want to get away for a few hours without having to worry about nursing schedules.

Secondly try stepping away, out of the room, or out of the house when your child is getting fussy. Let daddy comfort him the best way he knows how. It is all trial and error, he will pick it up and baby will get used to daddy also. Babies have this weird sense and they know when their mommies are around. So if you remove yourself from the picture maybe he will calm down for daddy.

Good Luck!

My husband went through this! He even started to get resentful of our "relationship" and started to hold it against me! !MEN! So I needed to do something PRONTO! After you feed her let him rock her to sleep. Try to just get him involved during happy times and then occupy him with something else when she is fussy. Like "daddy will you please turn the lights down" or "could you please turn the dishwasher on, the noise soothes her when she's like this". That way he is involved in the soothing process even though he isn't holding her.
What no one realizes is that when baby comes along you are going to be raising two kids!!
OH, also remind him that when she gets older she's going to be Daddys Girl. That term was coined because it happens to all good daddys who love their daughters! They are going to have a really special relationship that wont be quite the same with you once she gets older!

Good Luck ad God Bless!

Check out the Happiest Baby on the Block - it can give you some great tips for him to help soothe your little one, some of them they actually say men are better at than women!

HI LS
Well I don't know what to tell you, but I wanted you to know that the same thing goes on at our house. My husband tries so hard our son get into the screaming mode and he walks with him, sings, plays rocks everything and nothing works. I get him and he settles and goes to sleep. Just thought it may help to know you guys are not alone.

What about wrapping the baby in one of his shirts that he has worn enough to get his scent on it or holding the shirt close when you nurse the baby so the baby associates his scent with comfort too? Hope this works!
T.

My husband wore our son in a pack carrier during his house routine to help their bonding. Other friends used slings. He also did Kangaroo Care (laying skin-to-skin chest-to-chest). Just reassure your husband that it takes time. My son is ~18m and he strongly prefers his dad over me now (and we're still nursing!).

What about pumping & letting him feed the baby a bottle. Maybe even drape one of your dirty shirts so she smells your scent. Beyond that, assure your husband that there WILL come a time when your baby girl will only want her Daddy. As with the rest of her life, "this is only temporary". Good luck.

This happened to us, too, specifically with our daughter (who is one now, and who I breastfed). We formula fed our son (who is almost 3), and he equally went to and was comforted by both my husband and me. But, my daughter has been exclusively breastfed (still is at almost 13 months), and she only wanted me all the time if she was upset ... she was a comfort nurser, and could definitely smell me.

It really bothered my hubby (who is an awesome and involved Dad), especially since he didn't ever have that happen with our first child. When she got to be about 6 months old, we let him start feeding her a nighttime bottle (before she went to bed) ... you could do expressed milk if you only want to breastfeed. That was his time with her, and him feeding her really comforted her and gave them time just the two of them.

To this day, she only wants Daddy to put her to bed (and my son wants me to put him to bed now ... ha ha!). She's a total Daddy's girl now ... she just lights up when he comes home from work and goes to him all the time for hugs, kisses and cuddles!

Tell your hubby not to get discouraged (although I know it can be hard) ... it will change! ;) Our oldest goes back and forth wanting one or the other one of us. He's kind of a Mommy's boy though, and our daughter is now the typical Daddy's girl! Ha ha! ;) Best wishes to you and your new family!

My husband felt the exact same way when our son was that small. He told me when our baby was 3 months old that he was afraid our son didn't love him! At 2 months your baby still focuses on food as the main source of comfort and mama, you've got the goods. Your husband is doing a wonderful job being a good and attentive father, and in the upcoming months he will begin to notice his daughter paying more attention to him and responding to him. Some things that helped us... I would have hubby give the baby a bottle occasionally to help allow him to bond during feeding time. We also had to switch how hubby held our son - I would use the cradle hold when feeding, so when hubby held him in a similar position, our son expected to be fed and would get frustrated and upset when no breast appeared. If DH held him on his shoulder instead our son wasn't nearly so fussy. Hubby spent time a lot of one-on-one time with him after feedings and still is in charge of bathtime - special daddy-baby time. Our son laughed at daddy first, his first real word was DaDa, and took his first steps towards my husband.
The day will come when your baby girl looks at her Daddy with adoring eyes! Our son is now 2, and sobs uncontrollably when daddy leaves for work in the morning and runs to meet him at the door every evening - Daddy is his best friend!

My husbands advice is to use a shirt you've worn or something with your scent on it when he holds her. Our daughter is 25 months old and still prefers me way more than my husband. Your husband should try mimicing how you hold her too. It's only natural and nothing personal to your husband.
His time will come when she will go to him and bypass you...granted that may be when she is a whole lot older. Just be loving to him and acknowledge his hurt!!!

Your husband just needs more practice with soothing her (which means that sometimes you're going to have to step back and give him a chance to practice, too). There are some great suggestions at https://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp

Hope this helps.

This happened with us too! There are times when baby wants mommy and there will also be times when baby wants daddy. Tell him not to worry! She still loves her daddy, but needs a certain comfort she gets from mom. There will be times when she only wants him. My daughter (now almost 2 years old) lights up when she sees her daddy, and mommy doesn't matter! haha

Just try to let him hold her whenever she lets him. May also try having him hold her with you out of the room.

Tell him there is absolutely nothing wrong & he should not be discouraged! :)

This may sound strange but if she is screaming and your husband is holding her, have him put his mouth by her ear and say a sound very low and comforting like a heartbeat. A baby at that age still remembers being in the womb and the heartbeat is comforting to them. It is sort of like tch, tch, tch, tch. Kind of like a clock. It worked with my little one. It took a few tries but she eventually got used to him doing that in here ear and I was always able to get done with whatever preperations I had to do before I could take her. It worked wonders! Try it. Tell your husband not to get discrouraged, the baby doesn't know him yet and she has to 'learn' his scent. It will be her first lesson. Always encoursge him. Don't let him give up.

Good luck

E.

My husband and I had a similiar issue. Laura G's comments are exactly what we did and helped him understand that it is natural and temperary. We read Dr. Sears books and helped in a lot of ways. Our Son is almost a year. When your baby is a little older, he will space out his breastfeeding more. This might enable you to leave your child alone with Dad for a hour here and there. You could also pump a little and let Dad feed the baby from a bottle. I didn't do this, but it was highly recommended by others.

ok, I am going to have to make this quick but I wanted to let you and your husband know that my, now almost 3 yr old daughter, was exactly the same way.

She only wanted me as a baby. Then about 1 - 1 1/2 yrs old she, like overnight, only wanted her daddy. He had to do everything. She demanded only his attention. Even to this day. She'll bump her head or something while he's at work and she crys for him. So cute. I just wish I could do something for her. She loves and wants me too but I am not her daddy. She is a daddy's girl.

So I am sure things will turn around for you dad and mom, just accept it when it happens and enjoy the break.

Hi LS

Glad you wrote in. your husband is not the first to feel this way...we went through this. In fact I was exhausted b/c I was the only one who could comfort our son. Things seem to turn around somewhere between 9 month and a year when the kids get mobile and notice that daddy is gone all day and then comes home. All of a sudden they are daddy's baby! His time will come!!!....talk to him and come up with other things that will make him feel appreciated during this time.
Good Luck
J.

He may not want to here this, but he can try laying one of your shirts across his chest when holding your baby. My daughter was similar to that. She was very partial to me, but she did grow out of it and now most of the time she only wants her daddy. Tell him to hang in there his time will come.

When I first read of your problem, I immediately looked at your initials...because you COULD be MY daughter-in-law. My son and daughter-in-law also have a 2 month old and the same problem existed. The mom, seeing the dads's pain (as you do), began making a small bottle of formula for the dad to feed the baby. It was amazing...the response and the satisfaction for all 3 was immediate! Since then, when I visit, I, too, get to feed this precious child...making our bond even closer. This MAY seem like a small thing to try, but the results are HUGE!!! Good luck to you and may God bless your little family! BR

This is going to sound a little silly, but it works.

He can try placing a clean "pinky" in her mouth (like a pacifier) with the nail toward the tongue so it doesn't scrape the roof of her mouth. I fits perfectly in the palate allowing them to suck for comfort. It even will buy some time if she's ready to nurse, but you aren't available right away!

Why not ask him to drape one of the shirts you wore the day before (not yet washed) over his shoulder when he picks the baby up? If you think it's a scent thing that quiets the baby, rather than a sight/sound thing, then it should work pretty well...then, once the baby becomes more comfortable with him, he can stop using the shirt as a comfort device.

When my daughter was born we had the same problem in the beginning. I didn't produce enough milk at first so the hospital (with my approval) put her on a formula supplement. He was then able to take up part of the feeding responsibility too. If you don't want to put your little one on formula, try pumping and letting him feed her every once in a while. This may help. Him being able to feed her made a difference. Now she's pretty much a daddy's girl, but when she's sick she still wants momma. Good luck and don't let him get too discouraged. It will pass.

L S- It's very normal for a baby to prefer mom at first, just because her needs are so easily satisfied by you. It was the same way for us. (I know you know that already, but maybe it will help your husband to know that it happens to other people too...) But she will go through periods where she prefers daddy too. It may take a while, but it will happen. Our son (now 18 months) has gone through several periods when he wants daddy over me. Also, now that you have breastfeeding well established, have you thought about letting your husband feed her a bottle of expressed milk once or twice a day (maybe at night so you can sleep)? Sometimes it can be nice for you to get a break, and then she can start to associate at least some of the feedings with dad.

LS,
Fathers are unique and special people. Remind him that before you know it she will be all consumed with him (and it has little to do with breastfeeding). Soon she will spend all day watching for him to return and become totally animated only when HE is near.
There are a lot of resources by Dr. William and Martha Sears and a great book called Becoming a Father. (Used copies are available from Amazon for as little as 1 cent)
This book discusses the father's role during childbirth, different ways a father can interact and bond with his child, discipline, balancing the demads of a job with the needs of a family, and more!
Two months is such a short time..... and there are so many more things he can do than change diapers.
This is one thing he can try right away:
Hold the baby snuggled up right under his chin and talk, hmm or sing... Babies LOVE this. There is something about a male voice and the vibrations it causes.
Congratulations on your new baby and take one day at a time!
L. G