Husband Getting Distant

First I think you should look into an Alanon meeting for yourself and or a therpist for yourself that is knowledgable about alcoholism. He is probably drinking more than you know that is why he doesn't want to get close because you will know. Something I learned from Alanon meetings is I had to take care of me. I didn't want to deal with it anymore so we divorced I did give him a lot I mean a lot of chances but it just got to be too much. He has to want to change and do what it takes. Even if he only drinks once a year he can still be an alcoholic, but keep in mind not everyone that drinks is one. Anyway if you ever want to vent please don't hesitate to private message me and I will give you my email address. Good Luck and just remember it is him not you. I am sure you are a beautiful person inside and out don't let him get to you.
Kay Megonnell

Watch the movie Fireproof, with or without him. There is a book called the love dare I highly recommend, you don't even have to buy it you can see the basic daily acts from this link ( sometimes you have to click past a day when they posted something in addition to the love dare) http://www.klove.com/BLOG/post/2010/01/06/Day-1-of-The-Lo...

If that doesn't work, I might still consider joint counselling...have you tried just talking to him about your feelings? Or if talking ends in fighting, writing him a heart felt letter, don't focus on what he does, focus on how what he does makes you feel....I hope that makes sense.

All the best, I hope things turn around for you.

OK. Yes you CAN keep going, and you must. As unfair as it is, you cannot make what you do depend on what he does. You are saying, "How can I improve or do stuff if I dont' feel good about myself BECAUSE HE ISN'T BEING NICE TO ME." I get it. And you are totally right. He is being a cad and it is very difficult to keep your self esteem. But don't let him win by breaking you.

Do your best to remain happy during this pregnancy and for the first few months of the baby's life no matter how he acts. Don't even try to address it with him. Leave him alone. If he succeeds in losing his family one day, it is his tragic loss. He may be best served by having that happen to see inside himself. But don't address that in yourself right now. Just get a healthy baby born and be thankful for what little support having him there is.

After that: He can't cut your calories and burn off your weight with a smile and a hug. You have to do it yourself, for yourself. It has nothing to do with him. I know it's VERY HARD. I just lost the weight form my 3rd baby at 40 and it was a year of hard work, but I feel awesome, and my husband hasn't even been home to help, so it's been ENDLESS trips to the gym with all three kids and DVDs at home amidst chaos and eating right even when I'm starving and the kitchen is a wreck and the last thing I want to do is wash and cut veggies. But you know what? I have my body back.

Did my husband say anything when he came home from his tour and I was 4 sizes smaller? While I stood there beaming all proud in a new outfit that wasn't my same old maternity clothes that I wore for 6 months after my daughter's birth? No.

Did he get jealous when we were out a few weeks later and men were hitting on me? Yes. Did he notice the comments form friends and strangers that I look like I never had any kids much less 3? Yes, he also made the comment way later that I look awesome, but he just hadn't thought of mentioning it. Just like a man. So what. I did it for me, not him.

You are already doing everything right by treating him well, and you cannot change his actions. Keep being the best you, for yourself and your kids. Be positive, supportive, and loving. Take care of yourself and your kids. Ignore him instead of acting blue around him. He'll notice the cold shoulder form a confident woman who is busy. And leave it up to him to break things up.

If you want to keep him, the most likely way is to be your best most powerful self. If he's not up to it, you'll be in better shape to move on. Whatever way you dice it, and whatever happens, being the best you is to your advantage. And you are the only one who can do that.

Staying down and asking for respect form him is never going work or make you feel better. If you're depending on his approval, you will continue to be let down. Don't spend time and money in therapy trying to get him to change. Spend it at the gym and on some new clothes and make up and activities for you and the kids. For you.

Bust out your super woman powers and bounce back.
I'm pulling for you, I know it's so hard-he's being a creep. I wish I could tell you a way to change him, but there probably isn't one.
Do it for you!

Also, the drinking issue is serious, and also not something you can change for him. Fortify yourself. It's not good for the kids to have an alcoholic bad dad who is mean to mom, if that's what he decides to be.

I love your post.

This is what I think you should try:

1. Learn to love and appreciate yourself. Every woman should have a full length mirror so you can see the good, the bad and the ugly. We change those things we can change, we accept the things we can't change, and we begin to express to ourselves a love and passion for every inch of our being. Love you first.

2. Stop chasing the man. Men, even married men hate being chased. They like to do the chasing. As you begin the process of learning to love and appreciate yourself, your self worth dialog will change, you will find your clothing selection changing, your personal maintenance routine changing, your diet changing. Why? Because when you really love and dote on yourself you take better care of yourself. You eat the right things instead of the wrong ones, watch your quanties, and exercise because it makes you feel and look good. Don't ignore him but don't chase him. As your confidence in you increases, it will draw him in and not push him away.

3. Grown men hate being told what to do. You are not his mother but his lover. Lovers don't nag. They encourage the positive things about him. So next time you feel like you want to nag him on drinking on the weekends, instead genuinely compliment him on the fact that he doesn't drink during the week or around the kids. Or an even better solution would be to stay away from this topic until after you have engaged in Step 4.

4. Get specific counseling for the family of alcoholics (I think that's Al-Anon ( www.al-anon.alateen.org )). You and your children all need to go. This will help you to stop making excuses for him falling off the wagon. It will give you resources to help your family be healthy and strong even if he stays where he is, gets worse (heaven forbid) or gets better.

Get yourself healthy and strong and this will change your marriage. I really hope this helps.

This is something you need to discuss with him, openly and honestly. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel.....sometimes marriages go through these ebbs, but bounce back. He deserves to know exactly what you think, and vice versa.

Things CAN get better, my husband has had funks that lasted almost a year, because of his own personal issues,and my reactions to them werent progressive. Now we are very happy and honesty is the vehicle that took us there..

If the marriage is worth keeping its worth trying hard to keep.

If you don't want to lose him then you seriously need to quit the nagging about his drinking. Who can respect someone who is always harping on them for doing something "wrong"? He only does it on Friday nights. You were aware of his drinking backround when you married him. Lay off of him a bit and I bet he will change.

My mother was just like this. For some reason she thought the house was all hers to make up every rule in the house and wouldn't allow my father to bring beer home. She said over and over he was an alcoholic. I was 14 the first time I saw my dad drink and that was just one beer(big alcoholic huh?)! By her controlling behavior, all she did was push him away, and needless to say, they divorced.