Husband Drinking

Hey there,
As a recovering person myself, I know that the only way to get some perspective is for you to go to Al-anon. He might not think he has a drinking problem and once he does realize, he might not ever seek help. But you can get it by going for yourself. Al-anon is for family members and friends of alcoholics and is super beneficial in the way of support for those of us who are intimately involved with addicts and alcoholics. If I were you, I'd do a google search for al-anon meetings in your area. They are everywhere and they even have phone meetings and meetings with childcare.
One thing is forsure, you cannot change him. He has to want to change himself and only then will he seek out help. The only thing you have control over is how you behave in your relationship with him. It sucks to hear that, I know, but there is hope. I'd start looking for meetings now if you can.
I hope that helps. :)
blessings,
J.

I am going to disagree with the call police when he is out driving post. He could find out you called and if he gets mean, angry---he will be very upset with you.
Never let your kids in the car with him alone!

The 2 of you need to find someone to talk to. A pastor, a counselor, etc....My dad had a problem with alcohol when I was real small. I don't remember all the issues and details, but I remember my Grandma coming to watch us every Thursday evening for a few months.

It was a battle for him. He wanted to quit so bad and it really had a grip on him. I remember once when I was 15, he picked me up from work and was drunk. I was scared to death that we were going to crash.
Now I think I have a brother with a drinking dependence, too.

So the suggestion of Al-Anon is a very good one! You will want to know how to talk to/ nurture your children that helps you and helps them. You are correct. His mom, his brothers cannot help. You are going to have to get help for yourself and your children.

I had a very good friend one time who had bulemia---also an addiction. The best thing I did was sit her down one on one and calmly explain how worried I was about her. I pointed out evidence that I had seen / heard to give me good reason to think she had a food problem. The environment was one of caring and concern...it did not get confrontational.
About 4 days after our talk she came and asked me to help her get help.

You are in my prayers.

You cannot be a great dad and an alcoholic. You either choose your child or you choose alcohol, but you can't have both. If you can't make him see it that way then remove him from your children's and your lives now before he causes any more harm. drinking and driving is so dangerous, stupid, selfish and deadly! What if he were to put your children in the car while he is behind the wheel drunk? If you knew he had a history of drinking and driving, and had a history of alcoholism, yet still let him be around your children then you are (not as but will definitely feel) as guilty as he is. Good luck, I hope he can resolve his problems.

Hi Anna,

You're in a tough position, I'm sorry for that.

First and foremost .. he CAN NOT drive with your children in the vehicle when he has been drinking. You will need to stand up to him on this.

And here is where the "second" comes in. Like the other posters have suggested, go to Al-Anon. You need help too. You need to understand what could likely happen in your situation. The Al-Anon support will help you when you need to put your foot down when it comes to his behavior (like driving with the kids).

I come from a VERY alcoholic family .. I've been there and done that :) Remain strong and remain calm .. drunken fights are a waste of YOUR time and emotion. But I would seriously consider looking up a meeting in your area. This WILL help more than you know.

Best of luck, you and your family are in my prayers too.

Anna,
Alcoholism is a disease. You cannot help him. You could not cure cancer, diabetes or asthma. You DO need to go to Alanon meetings as SOON as possible. The meetings will help you learn to live with someone who has the disease of alcoholism, and not be an enabler. Very important concept. He has to want to change, get better and help himself. He is in denial and you need to learn how to deal with that. Please find a meeting in your area asap. www.al-anon.alateen.org
God bless.

Get yourself to AL-Anon. It helped a friend of mine immensely.

Hi Anna, I have been where you are and my husband added illegal drugs to the mix too.. With the help of Al Anon I was able to understand what I needed to do to take care of me. If you work the program it works. Just like another person here said, you can not cure his drinking anymore than you can cure cancer. Good Luck on your journey. God Bless.

Stop talking to him and take action. Protect your kids first. See if u can stay at a relative for a while. U can only change u. He has to want to change. Protect those kids!