My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 5 and have 2 beautiful children. As our relationship was building the discussion came up over children and we both agreed that two kids is plenty. Our first little girl was a dream child and still is. I really could not have asked for an any easier baby so the ideal of a second child didn't frighten me at all. After the birth of our second child I was secretly hoping for a little hellion. One that would resist sleeping through the night and cry all the time regardless of what was going on, etc. Fortunately for my sanity sake I got another angel child. Unfortunately this left me with a feeling of wanting more kids. My husband feels very different. He just doesn't like the "baby" portion of children. His main complaint is the lack of play and interaction for a while. He's a get-up-and-go type that wants to be moving all the time. We toyed with the ideal of tubal ligation when I was pregnant with the second baby and my doctor wanted me to seriously consider what the implications might be. IWe have insurance but doesn't cover something like an IUD so I'm stuck with pills. I got pregnant while using the NuvaRing so I won't even consider that one again. My husband has made an appointment to have a consult for a vasectormy. We both have careers we love and would like to keep advancing in those careers and we really aren't financially prepared to take on another baby. And to face facts I am not mentally prepared at this time. I still have a niggling feeling that I want more kids and my husband is adamant that we won't have more kids. I have asked him to reconsider but that is the only thing that really causes us any strain in our relationship. I know vasectomies can be reversed but I feel since I'm declining any procedure to prevent pregnancy permanantly that I might harbor some resentment toward his decision. I know I really have no legal say over whether or not he has it done but I'm afraid I am not mentally prepared for this step either. I just need some advice on how to handle these feelings. I want to know if you've been in a similar situation and how you coped with the final decision.
My husband and i are in the same place. so the only advice i can give is to sit down and talk about it. I told my hubby that i couldnt decide if i wanted a third child 5 or 10 yrs down the road. After many talks we decide we would wait a year and talk about it again. He was very understanding about it and this way it gave us both time to come to an answer. good luck and i hope i helped
You don't say how old your children are, but I can tell you that when they are teenagers, you will thank your husband from morning to night for insisting on having only two. It's not a pleasant world in which we live, and you can't control your teens' environment like you can when they are young. Besides the cost of educating (which is probably a big part of your husband's concern) the wear and tear on a marriage can really be tremendous when you are dealing with the teen years. I have 3 that are now grown. I wouldn't go back and redo any part of those years. Had I known what I would have to face, I probably would not have had any children at all! I used to say I wouldn't take a million dollars for one of my children, but I wouldn't pay a nickel for another one! I loved them 24/7, but didn't like them much during those turbulent years. Oh, and I ended up rearing 2 grandchildren, so I really reared 5 instead of 3. Keep that in mind since custodial grandparenting is on the rise today.
I sort of am in a similar situation as you. My husband is fine with two. I love my babies so much I would like a lot more (at least 2 more). I'm trying to find ways to be okay with sticking with 2 kids. Here are some things I have come up with. I HAVE 2 beautiful, healthy, fun children. We don't have the money for more (we barely have enough for these two). That of course means we can do more things for them...better schools, colleges, birthday parties, braces, etc. Already my time is divided 50/ 50 between the two. If I had another then it would be divided like 33.3 % between the three. So, right now my kids get much more of my attention. One last thing, maybe in a few years we will be better off financially and maybe my husband will want numbers 3 & 4...who knows? But yes, the thought of a vasectomy saddens me. It's kind of like giving away some of my kids clothes. However, when I think of the things I listed above it makes me feel a little better. Hope this helps some
people choose puppies that feisty because it's fun to have that kind of character in a dog..... children are not puppies and should not be had for parents amusement.
I wish I had some parting wisdom for you. But I don't. You never know when your kids get into their teenage years, you might just get hellions out of them both.
I wish my husband would willingly go get a vasectomy after we are done having children. But sadly he is adament about NOT doing this. Consider yourself lucky that your husband will do this so you don't have to have major surgery.
Good luck coming to terms with the decision that is ahead.
Hi A.,
The only thing that will help this situation is talking it out with your husband (and prayer if you're a praying woman). A dear friend of mine had her tubes tied because her husband insisted after 4 kids. She only did it to please him. She would have been happy with more. After a couple of years he became convicted that he had made her do something she didn't want to do and through a lot of trouble, she has now had the tubal reversal...and one more child. Don't stress your marriage over this but make sure he knows that you would like more children and this is making you uncomfortable. Whether he takes your feelings into account or not is on his head. If he changes his mind later, it can be fixed if the procedure is done right. Don't lose hope but don't let this become an obstacle in your marriage....
God bless!
M.
Like you, when I was dating my husband, we agreed on two children if the first could be conceived quickly (he has a child from a previous marriage and was pushing 40). It took nearly a year to get pregnant, so we were perfectly fine with one.
When the time came for him to get a vasectomy, I hesitated. Not because I wanted more children, but because I didn't want to give up control.
With my husband's doctor, he required BOTH signatures from a married couple before the procedure could be done. It took me about 1.5 years to be ready to sign that paper, but my husband never pressured me on it. Like I said, it wasn't about having more children. I knew what I had agreed to when I married him (just like you did), it was more about giving up that control.
BTW, from a financial perspective, it's GREAT! It's just a specialty co-pay, which in our case was $35. WAY cheaper than any other form of BC. and it's GREAT not to have to worry about getting, paying, or remembering my own form of BC.
I think as a woman there is always a small part of us that wants to have another child. My husband had a vasectomy years ago, which was after we both discussed the reasons for and against having more children. As with you, I had to face facts, we were both happy with our current situation, we weren't finacially in a good place to have another child, and I new that once finances did improve I would want to give my children more (like college, vacations). I also didn't want to spread myself to thin and have the opportunity to spend quality time with each of my children.
This is a decission that you and your husband need to make together. Discuss how you feel with him. I also suggest that you go to the doctor with him.
