So I asked you all your opinion last week about a number I found in my husbands pocket and what do you know the woman calls at 1am in the morning and I aswered the phone and she said nothing but hello and hung up. She kept calling and I kept answering but she wouldnt say anything at all. I confronted him as to who this was calling in the middle of the night and he said he didnt know and she called again and I answered and she said nothing. He proceeded to just out of the tub and come at me to get the phone out of my hand. He tackled me down to the ground and took the phone while saying was going to show my "Childish A@#". So he went up to get dressed and then came back and turned off the computer and that I was working on (I work from home). And so I went up to the bathroom to get a shower and he comes in and takes my jacket from me and demands to have my cell and wedding ring because he is going to "show me". I wouldnt give him the jacket so he grabs me by the neck and drags meto the tub and tries to throw me down in there. While i was trying to get him off My son (whom just had his tonsils out the day before) walks in on us and so he let me go. He got his sleeping children (who were spending the night here and has just gotten here 2hrs before this happened) out of the bed and took them home. And then he came back and packed a bag and left for the night. He returned the next morning and has been here ever since. e are not speaking and I just want to leave. But I dont have a car. Everything is in his name and we have two small children. I work from home and dont make a lot of money and I just feel stuck. He gets ma and he takes my keys and my phone computers you name it. It's a horrible situation.
Well, there was another altercation and just like you guys said it was much worse. So the kids and I left and we r now living with relatives. It's been a week since we left and he hasn't even called the kids. I'm going to try to a PGA order and I've also decided to sign the warrent for his arrest. It's just a really bad situation but that's for all your advice. You guys r great!
You should get the police involved and talk to a lawyer. Remember WE never know how strong we can be until that is the only choice we have. Good luck and remember you are the backbone of the family!
.
Step #1 - Turn off your computer
Step #2 - Call the police
Step #3 - Find a friend or family member nearby and stay with them
Step #4 - Dump this man permanently
K., it sounds like this situation is escalating, and is turning violent, and at this point I think you have two basic choices. One is to lie low and not anger your husband, and start putting money away in a separate account so you can make plans to leave this marriage. The other is to seek out women's shelters in your area and get advice from people who deal with this sort of family upheaval every day.
There is a great deal of information missing from your request: Whether you said or did some specific thing that enraged your husband, whether you were threatening, insulting, throwing things or hitting him. If this is really out-of-the-ordinary behavior for him, that might be one thing, but if he has ever acted out physically toward you or your child in the past, the situation can be headed in an ugly and potentially dangerous direction. It happens every day.
If you believe he's cheating, I can certainly understand being upset about it (been there, done that), but you will not really have anything to gain by being strongly emotional (hysterical, insulting, physical) about it. If anything, that can start a cascade of reaction that may well push you into a corner where you have to make a desperate decision. That may not work in your favor. Play cool, consider your options, and make some wise choices.
Yes, this is a horrible situation. It looks like you need to call and find out where a shelter is, make up if you have to and stash a little money for a cab and get out if that ever happens again. You can't do anything about the past, but you can prepare for the future. He definitely sounds like a very bad person and you need to protect yourself by preparing to get out safely with your two small children. You can do it! Car or no car. Do your homework.There are protective services who will help you. I do not know where in your state but start looking around. Have an innocuous boring looking bag sitting somewhere with things you can take so he isn't getting the idea that you are planning an escape-even if it looks like you are about to do laundry. And I have suggested this to people before and they tell their husbands. This is dangerous (threw you into the tub?) and not something you want repeated. Whatever he is doing, even if it is nothing as far as phone calls go (who knows-just be safe) you need to get away from someone that is abusive. I have a hunch this isn't the first time nor the last. There are a lot of women who have gotten out of this situation. But if you are hanging on for him to change or get better you are not really protecting yourself. If it means putting ten dollars a week away in a sock in your underwear do it. If you have to call the police and it is not really something people want to do, do it. You and your children need to be safe. Good luck!
These ladies have already given you some good advice. I can not really add to what they have said, except to say I hope your situation improves sooner rather than later. I'm really only writing because I wanted to send you a big HUG! I think, if I were you, that's what I'd need most right this second.
Here in Oregon, the police will come right away and take a man away if he is making you afraid, even if he hasn't already hit you. In other words, you don't have to wait til you are injured! I wish someone had told me before so I'm telling you now, call 911 if you ever feel threatened again. Don't wait til he's already grabbed you because you don't know when he will stop.
I'm so sorry you are stuck in this situation. Your husband is an abuser and knows you feel stuck so he is taking advantage of it. This is dangerous, for both you and your children.
Find the number for the domestic violence hotline in your area. Call them. It is dangerous to escape and dangerous to stay, so let them help you plan how best to get out. Do you have friends or family nearby who could accompany you and drive you to a safe place? Maybe one of them could stash some of your clothes and things you will need when you leave. If not, the police may be able to escort you out.
You are in a really tough spot but you are not really stuck. There are resources for women in your situation and there are people who understand and will believe you and help you get free.
the cheating isn't the problem. call her back and BEG her to take him.
you need to get out. take your kids and go. to a shelter, a friend, a family member. go and don't look back.
do it today.
khairete
S.
This post, and ones like it, make me want to cry. I feel physically ill just reading what you have written here.
You need to take your kids, get in the car, and get away wherever you can. Go stay with family if you can. Call the police, file charges, and do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your children. He is very dangerous and next time this happens (and there will be a next time, don't think there won't be), you could end up hospitalized or worse.
Yes, it is a horrible situation, but you cannot just sit here on the computer asking strangers what to do. You need to take action. Get out now.
i agree. my husband knows the minute he ever lays an unkind hand on me on purpose (I bruise easy) he is out the f'ing door I will have the cops there his mother there and the whole thing. I had a bf when I was 16 that used to beat the junk out of me. and throw me over furniture. he was my first bf. I thought this was normal. When i realize it wasnt, after he went off to bootcamp...I had a group of about fifteen behind me. so when he came home there was a baracade around me . He and his buddies paintballed my parents house a few times but I got over the childishness. he went back down to cali thats where he was stationed. I told my self from that point on no man would ever treat me like a rag doll. and to this day i have stood for that. I am raising my sons to know how to respect a girl, person, boy anyone. Some people were never taught that.
Baby get out. Its scary, there are so many that if you reach, theywill pull you up. you are better then this. you and the kids deserve better. I will pary for you.
Blessings and strength,
-Libby
Please get out now before it is to late. Is there some family or church members that can help you out.
Please find a shelter ASAP!! They may have the resources to find you a place, help with protection orders, attorney, support. If it happens again before you make contact, call 911. Good luck and prayers!
Get yourself, your babies, and your stuff and get out!
LBC
Oh, I feel so sick for you. This sounds horrible. I am scared for you and your kids after reading this. Please go stay with family, seek counseling and get out. You need to protect your kids and you!
Kim, I am really sorry for you and your kids. This situations are never easy and they are very scary and sad. This is not a stranger that is attacking you, this is the men you love and that you trusted, and on top of that is the fear and the economic dependence.I am sure you are scare and sad.
Unfortunately, things have escalate out of control, and he has lost respect for you and is something must be done before is too late and you, your kids or even him gets hurt and is no way back.
I agree 100% with the advice that Ephie gave you also Amanda G. is right, you are married and have kids, you both own stuff not just him.
Get your self and your kids in a save position and be smart and cautious.
Unfortunately things like this happen too often but because of this there is a lot of help out there for you. The first steps are the hardest ones but it gets easy later.
Perhaps he can go to counseling after you are away, please, don't go back inmidiately, things like this doesn't get fix in one day, he needs to understand and believe that you are not going to accept this kind of treatment, period.
In my own experience, I think is too hard for a men that hits to change, and once that the respect is lost in so hard to get it back.
However you guys have kids together, and at one point (I mean once you are away, safe and that things settle down) you will have to interact again for your kids, you need to make sure this never happen again for you and for your kids, and for that something needs to be done now.
Send you a hug and best of wishes.
I think things have gotten way out of control. I do not know you or your hubby but from what you have written, I would...
Stay Calm, let things settle down, not instigate anything further (you could get hurt), start stashing $ aside and then when you have enough of a buffer money wise, leave him!
~If things like this happen again....CALL 911!
