This is a dating question. I had a friend and we were getting closer and then he wanted to take me out on a formal date. I agreed to go and then the day before I broke the date. It was just going so fast and we catapulted from a friend relationship to this couple. Rather than talking to him about what I was feeling I made the mistake of just being sort of distant. I can see how this was confusing to him and it hurt him that I broke the date. I never meant to hurt him, but my actions did. I have told him I'm sorry and he has told me we are fine and not to worry about it, but I still feel horrible.
I wanted to do a gesture to show my regret. Like a guy would send flowers. So I was thinking about going to the bar that he usually goes to and paying for a few drinks and asking if they would give them to him when he comes and tell him someone sorry sent them. They all know him, so I'm sure the bartender would agree. I want it to be a surprise. I just really want to show him that I am sincerely sorry and do something to show him.
Too cheesey? haha I'm not very good at this whole dating thing!
EDIT: I'm 25 and just getting back into the dating world after being divorced for 5 years... and so far these responses are great on all the things I need to think about. Thanks!
My experience with men, as friends, is that when they say everything is okay, generally it is okay. They really are not like us in this regard.
I would have to ask though do you want to go out with him? The go away, come back, no go, here are some drinks......that drives them nuts and they run.
Jo G and S H have the right idea.
I looked at your profile to see how old you are. No info at all. I was trying to find something to go on.
Back when I was dating, this would have been very confusing. Now it would be very confusing, if I was dating. I only asked my friends or potential friends out on dates. The reason for the date was to get to know them better to see if they would be suitable partners/spouses.
You told him you don't think he is worth knowing better. If you do the bar thing, you will be telling him you do think he is worth knowing better. If you are trying to apologize, you did that. Leave him alone. Don't make him feel he needs to persue you further. Forget the thank you note. Forget the gift card. Forget the Sorry note. Let things alone.
If you met me at my favorite bar and bought me a drink, I'd think you were interested. Leave the poor guy alone. Men look at things differently than women. Leave him alone unless you are trying to establish a dating relationship. But you said you aren't interested. Leave him alone.
(Sorry to be so repetitive. I've had a broken arm, impacted wisdom teeth, broken ankle, broken knee cap and been hit in the face with a high fly ball requiring stitches. None of those was as painful as the times I had a broken heart.)
Good luck to you and yours.
I had a similar situation he is now my husband. We were good friends from 8th grade until we went to different colleges and date other people . He drove by my house and thought of me 5 years after graduation and called to catch up we went out on friend dates and I knew if we went onto kissing and other things we would never be friends again if it did not work out. This made me very scard to move forward and to loss my friend. We ended up having a long talk about how we both felt and made that first kiss and we just had our 11 year anniversary. I guess my advise is to be real with your self and him and try and keep the communication open.
Meet him at the bar instead of having some stranger pour him one 'on the house'. Go buy him a couple of drinks yourself and sit down with him and explain to him why you felt you had to cancel.
good luck
I agree with First Time Mommy..Meet him in person at the bar and pay for the drinks. Guys generally don't like games of "secret sorry admirer."
Personally, I wouldn't do anything to kiss up. You told him you were sorry, now the most you can do is talk about it. If he still has hang ups, then I would be thinking twice about continuing to date him. It would mean he can get controlling and you do not want to fall in the trap of always doing things to "pacify" him.
Men are simple. They do not get as wrapped up in their conflicting feelings like we do. He said you are fine, then you are fine. Are you going out again? Then just go, and don't cancel.
Happen to conveniently have a gift card to his favorite sports bar...That way you happen to pay for the date and not "pay" for the date and if he argues that he is the man and should pay, you just happen to have a gift card. You aren't really paying then...
When I wanted to go dutch/pay for the date I always bought gift cards. That way when the check came I could just happen to help pay, or pay in full.
I think that would be a nice suprise but make sure you follow up with a phone call or something so you guys can Talk! tell him how you feel! Good luck.
I think you need to think about why you broke the date. What are you so afraid of? I see that you are young and divorced and that probably scared you and you are afraid that this new man will hurt you also. Since you are friends, talk to him. Tell him you are a bit scared and want to take it slow, if he is a really good man he will understand.
Oh and men like getting flowers too. You could have some delivered to his home or workplace with a card that asks for a do over.
