S.W.
There are many things and options the two of you can take action on to change your situation. As far as your peace of mind is concerned, well, maybe it's time to stop thinking of him as in the way. If that is how you are thinking and feeling, I'm sure that's not helping his state of mind because even if you don't say that straight out, he knows and he can feel it. With that in mind, that won't help him. If you would like him to feel helpful and not feel like he is in the way, ask him for help. Haven't you ever had those times that you wished this or wished that when it comes to your day with your children? I used to think the house would just fall apart if I left. I found out that this hurt my husband...he felt as though I saw him a incapable and the truth was, I did. It was really a problem with my ego. So I started leaving him with the children more and more. Yes, the house would and still gets terribly messy, for example...but he keeps them alive and breathing and fills in the things that the kids miss with me. The house is messier because he plays with them more than I do...that's actually a good thing. So instead of freaking out over things I think should be done, I focus on the good things that have gotten done (time with the children, a great dad who loves them, playing softball in the backyard with them was just more important than the dirty dishes, etc.) At first, I started to feel guilty that I didn't play with them as much as he did due to keeping the house together, but then I saw the balance the children get from the combination of the two of us and it's a really great thing. Involve him in your daily lives...change is hard...I don't like it, but the more I fight it, the harder life is. The more I try to go with the flow of life, the better I feel. The better he feels, the more energy he will have to look for work and the more confident he will feel which will show at interviews. This isn't for you to fix and it isn't for you to fight. I know it's hard because I sort of get in robot mode. My husband travels a lot and when he gets home we have to go through the change every single time...where it was all me with all the household control, and now it's the two of us. I always go through an initial feeling that he is in the way, but then I get back in the flow of things with him around because I want to...because life is better and more enjoyable when I do that. Good luck to you and your family.