Is it just me or is your husband powerlesss/unhelpful while/during your childs breast feeding stage!? To me it fEels like a cop out when my 7 wk old cries my husband says babe she's hungry, when I JUST fed her! I tell my husband ways to calm her down but he doesnt even seem to try he says he doesn't have boobies so therefore he can't really help! Altho I tell him that doesn't always do the trick! She needs burped, chnged, held etc.. He gets flustered and she seems to get more upset. I am feeling like I am trapped and starting to resent him which is goin to hurt our marriage soon! Am I under a false sense that the husband is to be more helpful?? I am goin to loose my mind and myself if I don't get a "break" soon..he says till she us weaned he can't really help..I want to nurse her as long as I can but I can't keep goin this way for 8 more months I feel I am in this alone! I have expressed this to him and he doesn'tt seem to get it.By the way.. I do pump daily and have about 15 frozen bottles n the freezer, she doesn't love the bottle and won't take it without a fight so my husband chalks it up to "she is a booby baby"..
have you read the book Happiest Baby on the Block?? It may help him learn how to soothe her without you hovering making him feel watched and judged
I breast fed, but would also let the baby have a bottle or 2 each day or at night that daddy could give. This could be formula (which is what I used) or pumped breast milk. It really helped him feel more invovled and connected to the babies to be able to help with the feedings (even if only one or two), and thus started getting more comfortable doing other things like bathing.
Men suck at babies.
That said, you need to force him to do it and get comfortable with it. Letting him cop out just makes you an enabler.
So feed her, and then leave her with him. Even if you get in your car and park around the block! If you're around, he's going to make excuses.
So feed her, and then leave. (Or introduce bottles, but I understand if you don't want to do that.)
Oh for Pete's sake! duznt?! Does not, doesn't! I weep for the next generation. :(
Having had my rant...
Feed the baby, hand her to her dad to burp as you walk out the door to go grocery shopping. Guys don't do well learning "womens" work while the woman is watching, explaining, nagging, insulting....don't figure all those words pertain to you but you get the idea. The beauty is he will come up with things you would never have though of, because he is not you. :) The other thing is because he came up with them on his own, without your (insert word of choice) he will be more confident to try it again when you are actually there.
Duznt, sweet mother....*walks away shaking head*
I am going through the exact same thing with my husband. Our baby is a 5 weeks old and he doesn't get up at night to help me out with at least feeding him a bottle or changing him. (I'm breastfeeding as well). Sometimes the minute the baby cries he gets up and goes to sleep on the couch! His excuse is that he works (I don't) I'm sure there are many husbands who work and wives that don't but the husband still wakes up and helps her out!
I'll also feed the baby and the minute he starts crying he's saying ''Babe, he's hungry!'' Like saying that I'm the one who stops the baby from nursing! When he gets home from work he gets frustrated if he hears the baby get fussy. It's like this is what I deal with when YOUR at work! He hardly changes any diapers. If I do go out and run errands when he gets home he will feed the baby a bottle, but he rarely changes him. So annoying and frustrating! I never knew the stresses a baby could actually put on a marriage, but now I know.
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone!
Many/most men are overwhelmed/confused/intimated by babies.
What your husband is doing is common and normal. And the baby most likely DOES want you more. Your husband will feel more competent when she is older. Don't be offended or let this affect your marriage. It is just really tiring and hard work for moms when they are infants. That's just the reality of it.
Don't be mad at your husband. Nature gave you the boobs for a good reason.
Being a new parent is difficult on both. You do need a break and hubby should help out more. It kind of depends on what type of man he really is. Some men feel babies and household stuff is ALL the woman's responsibility, other men feel this is my child too and I want to be part of everything. I nursed my youngest for over 2 years. My husband is a stay-at-home dad. I went back to work when he was 2.5 months old. Daddy took care of him all day until I came home and then I spent the rest of the day with him.
You have to remind your husband that you are on his side, that you two are a team and need to work together. Pour out your heart to him and let him know you need him to help out more, you are losing it and going to resent him more than you do now. Give him a good heart to heart. Let him know how much you do love him and this is both of your child. There is plenty of things he can do to help you out with the baby.
It will get better, hang in there momma!
Your husband can help... there is swaddling, burping, bathing, soothing, rocking, singing, diapering, putting to sleep... some men just don't 'get it'... but many men do, so breastfeeding should not be an excuse. It ticks me off when people just chalk it up to being a man thing.
My husband was an excellent help and is amazing with babies. I know many men who are. In fact, I had major carpal tunnel and painful hand disability when my child was born and my husband did everything the entire first two months while my wrists healed, even though I breastfed, my husband would bring me the baby and even place him on my lap to prepare to nurse.
With your husband's excuse, in 8 months, he'll just be back to finding another excuse not to help even though baby is weaned onto more solid foods.
Dr. Sears is an expert in this field, and he has several articles on helping dads become more involved and bond with their infants:
http://www.askdrsears.com/gsearch.asp?cx=0161910516017650...
a few good ones:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/1/T010505.asp
I'm guessing this is your first child? I only say that because my husband was EXACTLY the same way when our first daughter was born. At one point he was holding her, she was crying, I was at my limit and was crying too. He said "I just don't know what to do with her! I wanna help, I just don't know what to do!" He had NEVER been around babies before, so it was like learning a foreign language to him.
I had to show him specifically the ways in which he could help. Once I did that he felt a lot more confident with what he was doing.
Just my opinion but I would not "make" my hubby help with the baby if he's not comfortable doing so. Maybe he can pick up the slack on some other things to help you? Like laundry or something. I think as babies get bigger, the dads feel a little more comfortable with them. I think it will get better, he's probably trying to adjust and it doesn't come naturally for him. Good luck.
I stored up lots of milk by pumping. By 7 weeks its safe to give her a bottle of expressed breast milk. Let him feed her. I did this to get breaks. My 5 yr old loved feeding the baby and so did my husband. I never gave the baby a bottle it was daddy or sissies bottle. Specially in the middle of the night if you need a 4 hours of sleep in one shot. Let him know you are going to do this and see what he says. Also i'd make him change all diapers while he is home. Its his kid too, he can help.
Tell him to step it up!! He can rock and bring the baby to you, he can hold her close to his heart, change diapers, bathe her, sing and talk to her... he is being ridiculous saying he can't help with her just because she breastfeeds!! He's using that as a cop out, and you need to make it known it's not ok!
Don't introduce bottles until you HAVE to - as in you need to leave for a full day of work. It will just sabotage your breastfeeding relationship and most likely cause nipple confusion.
The more you praise him (even if he's doing a crappy job), the more likely he'll be to help out. Make the biggest deal out of the smallest things.
Even better, don't give him a choice... pump enough to last her a few hours and disappear :)
Just a big "ditto" for Tedsmommy's answer. That's the way things worked with all 3 of our kids. Try to give him time with her when you're out of the room so he can figure out his way of soothing her - maybe he's feeling a little intimidated, or worried that he'll hurt her, or fail to calm her. Remind him he's her dad starting NOW, not when she begins to eat solids and however he calms her will be the special daddy thing he does for her and she'll respond and they'll work it out - it will be different than how you do it and that's OK. It may even take just handing him to her and walking out the door for a walk around the block!
Plus, a note on where you are - I read in some parenting/baby book that crying and fussing usually peaks around the 6th or 7th week (true with 2 of my 3) so you're probably at the peak and that's making everyone a little cranky and edgy - all of you should start finding your family groove soon so hang in there :-)!
It is a cop-out. It doesn't matter if a baby is breastfed or formula-fed, he is perfectly capable of helping you with the baby. He just doesn't have any confidence in himself and wants to take the easy way out (handing the baby off to you). You need to tell him that you are not a magician and the baby doesn't magically stop crying with you just because you have boobs. Babies cry, and both Mommy and Daddy have to figure out what is wrong and what to do to comfort her.
One thing that my husband loved doing with our babies is holding them and rocking with them, either by dancing around the living room or sitting in the rocking chair with them. I was finishing my senior year of college after our daughter was born, and almost every time I came home from an evening class, he would be holding her in the rocking chair (or standing with her), she'd be asleep on him, and he'd be watching Survivor or something on TV. :-) My husband also was a stay-at-home dad with our son, and took care of him all day while I was at work (and I breastfed exclusively and pumped at work). He gave him bottles and took care of the baby and our daughter (who was a toddler then). So your husband is perfectly capable of comforting your baby and taking care of her. He just needs to learn how, and have more confidence in himself.
I agree with other posters: pump a bottle of breastmilk for your baby, go out for a few hours, and let him fend for himself. He wil learn how to do it and have more confidence in himself (hopefully) when you aren't there watching him or ready to take the baby back when he gets frustrated. And you need to tell him that if you don't get a break, you will go crazy and he'll have to deal with a hysterical baby AND a hysterical wife. Not a good situation. Good luck; and congratulations on your baby!
he should totally help with other things. I have a four month old, and my husband help;s alot though I am breastfeeding. He bathes, diapers, etc. My grandpa was the same way, didn't have a clue when it came to babies. I hope you can get him to realize you need his help. Parenting is a two parent thing, you can't do it alone
R., I know sometime when you are breastfeeding it feels like you are trapped but actually right now is the perfect time to introduce a bottle- full of breast milk of course and The most awesome part is YOU Can't do it yourself. In fact, it's best if mom is nowhere to be seen! I didn't introduce a bottle soon enough with my oldest daughter and she never took one. My dr told me after 6 weeks is the perfect window!
Can you tell your husband how desperately you need just a few moments to yourslef for your sanity? My sister's babies were all colicky and dad used to swaddle them and bounce on an exercise ball gently while holding them and they loved it, or sometimes babies just need to be walked around. Does he ever see you doing these things? Are there books you can show him or online article about infant care? maybe you can just tell him he has to hold her - you just fed her & changed her and you are going to shower.. & then just go..and take the longest shower you can! Good luck, don't suffer in silence though tell him how you feel and it will get better!!!
Nope you are 100% right. Who cares if you have the boobies. I breastfed my children and hubby did as much work as I did. At night he always got up to get the baby, I fed the baby, then he changed, burped and put baby back to bed. During the day it was the same way. He enjoyed his time with our LO's and wouldn't change any of it. Now my husband can get the kids back to sleep better than what I can. This I don't mind either because it means I get more sleep. ;)
