A few days ago i posted a question about my cousin inviting me to her nephews birthday party (question was titiled Rude or ok?) To make this less confusing lets say my cousin" K" is the one who origionally invited me. Her sister is "J" and nephew (sisters son) is "N". Well 3 days ago J actually texted me and said "youre coming to N's birthday party right? I know K invited you but she never told me if you were coming or not, you should definatley come!"
So at that point all was good and i was going to go. .. until last night that is... K calls me in tears on the verge of a panic attack. Apparently she is the one throwing the party for her nephew. She works at the museum so she got them a 75% discount on the party. She offered to pay for it and it would be her birthday present to N. Well J tells her no dont pay for it because N's father wants to come to the party so im going to make him pay for it (J and her sons father are divorced and pretty dysfunctional) J deciddes to lie to her exhusband and tell him that the party costs double what it really does so she can make money off of it. Well yesterday morning the exhusband calls the museum to ask if they will take his debit card or if he should pay cash and after talking to a manager he found out what the party really costs.
Now apparently J calls up K and tells her shes a horrible sister and aunt and she shouldve known to tell her managers to lie to her ex husband if he called because hes a scum bag and just that shes really upset and how could K do this to her
uhmm... what?? i was shocked at how rediculous this whole situation got!!
apparently j&k's mom even got involved and calld k yelling at her too. but eventually appologized... Now the situation is that J told her exhusband to forget it since hes not paying hes not coming (apparently at first they agreed to split it but since J is bringing her new boyfriend her ex wanted to bring his new girlfriend and she said absolutley not- which is totaly b.s. anyway but typical of J) So the ex still wants to come and J is threatening to call the cops and cause problems if he shows up
K wants me there with or without my daughter for moral support.. she told J i dont care if youre my sister after this party is over i want nothing to do with you!.. she thinks between that and the ex showing up her sister is going to cause a huge scene (keep in mind K works at the museum this is her job and they know the party ios for her nephew) .. you would think that J could just grow the F up for her own son but whatever...
i just dont know.. i absolutley dont wana be in the middle of the drama but at the same time i almost want to just go without my daughter just for K's sake... she and i are only 5 weeks apart in age and even though we are cousins i consider her not only my best friend but my sister and its been that way since before i can even remember.. i dont know i guess this was just more of a vent than anything.. i cant believe a close to 30yr old (J) can act like such a little child.. i sware she loves drama, its like shes 13 again.. she does what ever she wants to to screw her exhusband not even considering how its effecting her son! so messed up!
.. ths more time goes on and the more things i see that she does like this the more im starting to think her ex really isnt such a horrible guy like everyone says he is and maybe shes the "crazy" one like she always said he was..
..
Yep, I'd say J is the crazy O..
I wouldn't come within a mile of that train wreck of a "party"!
Don't you just love it when adults act like children and the kids suffer?
Priceless.
K will be fine without you. Really, what will you being there do?
Stay away.
I feel sorry for the 4 year old. Good luck to him--he's gonna need it with a wingnut mother like that.
The short version is that while you had an invite to this party, the mother of the birthday child got greedy and it blew up in her face. Now she's going all drama on K and K is going all drama on you and if it were ME, I'd say, "I'm not in middle school, you should tell J that she messed up and she should put on her big girl panties and deal with it." Then I would feel sorry for J's kid, but not attend if there was going to be this much drama. My kid doesn't need it. I might even tell K that she shouldn't go, either. I bet she's used to being bullied by J and needs to stand up for herself. I wouldn't go to support K because I don't need to get a babysitter for middle school drama.
Were it MY husband, I'd darned well tell him to pay the vendor directly. Especially with an unstable ex. So HE was going to step up and pay til he realized she lied, so the whole thing is J's fault for not taking the generosity of her friend in the first place.
When someone says their ex is crazy but they like drama, always be suspicious of her version.
I feel bad for her kid.
ETA: If I were K, I'd also back far away from this drama in my workplace. It could come back to bite her if it goes really badly. Sounds like J doesn't fall far from the tree, either.
Just wanted to throw this out there, the letters made it more confusing, for future reference......
Seriously, it seems great in theory but it is actually easier to remember a fake name rather than just a letter. Have no idea why, it always makes me laugh when people do it cause they really think it helps. I just keep trying to plug in variables.....
Mallory has it right. You might not have picked your family, but you don't have to go through this Jerry Springer stuff. Just stay home.
What is wrong with this woman trying to "make money" off of this? She's a cheat, pure and simple.
Dawn
Sorry but I couldn't even finish. These people (ALL of them) sound extremely immature and kind of trashy to be honest. If I were you I would stay away. Seriously...your kid is too young anyhow. I have to say I feel really sorry for the child stuck in the middle of all of these losers.
"Cousin K, I really do feel for you here and I think J is totally in the wrong and behaving immaturely. But I'm not coming to the party and here's why: I don't want to be in the middle when either you and J have it out there, or J and her ex have it out, or the new boyfriend and new girlfriend start circling each other like mad hyenas and have it out. This is turning into major drama and since my kid's only a baby I'm staying home to look after her. I will come and take you out to (dinner, lunch, coffee, whatever) on my dime to let you blow off steam afterward. But I suggest that since this is your workplace, you make sure you have 'work' obligations that keep you out of this party for as much of the time as possible since Nephew will be focused on his friends and his fun. Go back to the party when the focus is entirely on him -- when he's blowing out candles on the cake, when he's opening presents, whatever. But protect yourself and possibly your job by steering as clear of this as you can."
That's what I'd do. Support her but that doesn't mean you have to BE there in person and suck up all this ridiculous, middle-school type drama. If she is looking on your supporting her as meaning you'll physically be there to keep her sister from going ballistic on her -- that is not your job.
Sister J. is a grasping, greedy terror.
Ugh! If you're gonna go, bring some popcorn.
I wonder why you're even paying attention to the drama. Just tell whoever calls that you don't want to hear it and gracefully hang up. If you want to go to the party go. If the party is going to have more drama and you can't stop yourself from getting involved don't go.
It's a kid's birthday party. Why would you go if you don't take your daughter if she's a kid. Seems like you have a baby. Then, yes, don't take the baby.
I think the best way to support the cousin who is paying for the party is by telling you that you would support her if she backs out of the whole deal. It's at her job, for Heaven's sake! Your family might be accustomed to this type of dysfunctionality, but I believe it will take on a whole life of it's own once the drama kicks into high gear at your cousin's WORKPLACE. Leigh's suggestions are probably the happy medium though. If you don't attend, and your cousin steers as clear as possible, it might be best. If you do attend, and the cousin steers clear, the crazy one may try to drum up trouble by dragging you into the drama by complaining about your cousin.
If it were me, I'd stay out of all the drama. Let J and K work it out amongst themselves. K was being nice and throwing the party; she should not have to worry about the drama between J and her ex.
That is nice that J invited you though; I had replied to your original post saying you shouldn't go, but now I think it would be ok based on the text.
Just stay out of the drama of it all.
I thought the letters were tough to follow too.
If I wanted to go to support my cousin ("K"?) then I would probably not take my daughter just in case all heck breaks loose.
This sounds very Jerry Springer-ish. :) But what can you do? You don't pick your family, right?
If I was the sister who works at the museum, I would think that I would cancel the party at my job and reschedule it somewhere else.
That would be a hint for me of the drama to come and I would feel bad for my nephew so to make that up I would search for a fun venue somewhere else and pay half of the cost of that venue and tell my sister to pay the other half because she seems to have an entitlement mentality and I would not continue to let her project her issues on to me.
Good Luck and let us know how this results!
ADDED: Oh yeah outside looking in it is totally the sister who is immature and not the ex......
Yep Leigh R said it best.
I miss the days when a birthday party was just that, a little party for a child and his friends, to sing Happy Birthday, play a few games, eat a piece of cake and open a few presents.
<sigh>
Just call up whichever cousin (sorry, I lost track) is freaking out AFTER the party and offer to take her out for a drink!
If I were you or K, I would not go. If you're not there, perhaps there won't be any drama. K doesn't have to go just because it's her family and her job. Just let her pay in advance and "save the drama for J's mama!"
The only thing I can come up with is some advice for you. DON'T GO to this party. Send a card and go out and have a wonderful day for yourself without all this crazie drama.
I understand how this feels. I have a friend that I work with that has a mean mean mean mean ex husband. He literally takes her paycheck away from her and won't let her have any money. She has to beg him for enough money to pay her bills and gasoline money.
Long story short, she deserves more from him and he treats her like a piece of S**t. I look the other way and will help her in any way I can to make her life a bit more livable.
This situation though, it was a disaster waiting to happen. I would go to this party and have fun then not participate in any of their other activities. AND for goodness sake! Don't even host anything for her yourself!
It's not the kids fault this is going on and they need their friends there to play with and make the day fun.
It sounds to me like J has borderline personality disorder. Not that there is anything to be done about it, but it might help you understand what is going on here. Her unstable relationships, inability to control impulsive behavior and tendancy to see things in black and white are all very typical. I would stand by K. in her time of need. Two are more likely to withstand the crazy well than one all by her lonesome.
