How Young Is to Young?

Wow!! What great comments from all you moms, I agree with them all, me and my sister & brothers all worked along side my dad & mom on the farm, yes it was hard work, but I wouldn't trade it for anything, plus it has given me wisdom that you don't get out of books. Also wisdom on training my children which are now grown and families of their own. They also now how to stick to a job until it done and because of their training up, they both have authority positions at their jobs, because they now how to lead and how to get a job done. I also have a job outside the home and I see women at my work who can stay with the job because they are weak minded and no perserverance. So we glad you have a husband/dad that wants his son to work with him. Some dad just don't want to take the time to teach them, or is impatient with a child. Now get him busy in the house learning laundry, cooking, cleaning the bathroom, so he can be a good husband/dad later in life.

I agree with your husband on this one. My husband and I have four boys (13,9,9,and 5) and he believes strongly that it is important to raise well behaved young men who have a lot of skills (he also believes in raising the boys to be productive protectors of their future families and to ALWAYS respect women). When they were younger (age 3-5), I kept thinking, they are too young to vacuum, dust, help move light furniture, load/unload the dishwasher, etc.; he proved me wrong! All of our boys could do this and so much more at age 3! Other people always commented on how industrious and well behaved they were/are! In fact, I "inspired" other mothers to get their youngsters started on chores at younger ages!
I of course love the help!
My hubby also gives the boys frequent breaks and playtime inbetween activities. He does remember that they are kids! His philosophy is that they may not enjoy all of the tasks now, but they will be better men for knowing how to do all of these things and be able to help their future wives.
By all means, let your son and husband work together. They both will learn so much! My sons have helped put up a ceiling, fixed fencing, dug trenches (small ones, not like the military), moved broken up concrete, painted walls, etc. They do not always LOVE the task, but they are becoming such knowledgeable helpful young men and they share a unique bond with their father that would not be there if my hubby was not encouraging them to do so. (If it had been left only up to me, the boys probably still would not know how to do even half of what they know! Thank God for good hubbies!

Good Morning L., Awesome time of bonding that is for sure. Yeah it's a little young to be able to keep interest flowing. Our youngest son is in construction but has been without full time work since March. He has done repairs here and at our neighbors homes. He brings one of the older two kids with him. Austin is 9, Tia 10. they help him with certain things, but he knows they won't be able to keep it up for to long a time. They do go-For things, paint a little on the lower sides, help hold siding to cut or what ever. But they can't do it constantly, and aren't expected to.
They just love going with Dad to work, they went with him when he was the foreman on jobs to do final clean ups, so they helped with yard trash, used the big magnet to pick up nails etc, would sweep the garages out. They got tired quicker and would be able to set down or stop if they wanted too.

They would bring small toys or books for down times, when they ask again if they can help Travis finds them something small to do. So it's really not necessary to come down so hard on the little guy, he should be allowed to take breaks and play a while, not try and keep up with a Much Bigger stronger person in his Daddy. Kids are Kids, times are probably ALOT different from when Dad was young and probably had to work with dad or something.
Dad is law is 87 and he tells stories of all the 11 kids working along side dad and mom all day, even the baby at 2, helped gather eggs. But we don't live in those times for the most part. Small tasks are good for joining in the family fix ups, anything more difficult needs to be shortened versions.

Good Bless you and your family Lori
K. Nana of 5
PS I just read other posts, guess I am the lone wolf on this one. I still feel that kids can help in small ways and not be expected to keep up with the bigger folks. They still learn to help others, they still learn work ethics, and they get to spend time watching dad be a generous, giving Man & father. But it doesn't have to be forced, it can be made into a fun time for them both.
That's my story and I'm Sticking to it......LOL

I know you have several replies and commented yourself...but I wanted to let you know that my husband helped his dad build their house at the age of 7. So 10 is not to young to learn things that could help him in the future. My husband is pretty good at fixing things and when he doesn't know he asks someone who does, his dad doesn't live around here to ask for help. I do agree with the other posts that your son shouldn't be yelled at...one reason is that it will rub off and then he will be the one yelling in that way. Not good. I understand your husband was fustrated but taking it out on his son was not a good idea. Or yelling at him cuz your son wasn't enthusiastic about the project is not good either. You may want to explain to both of them (seperately, of course) that their attitudes need to change for life reasons and then ask them to work on correcting them. I do hope your brother in law gets better and is healed. Good luck and God Bless.

Well I am going to disagree with most of the posters. ( years old is a little young to be cursed and yelled at to keep up and finish an adult job. Yes he can help but should be mostly fetch and carry type of jobs. I have family members that do construction for a living and they would not have a 9 year old helping with anything except clean up and fetch and carry. How would your husband feel if his son was injured because of his expectations. He needs to give his son a break.

I'm with your husband on this one. It's good to teach kids at a young age, a good work ethic. My parents were hard on all of us kids and made us work like that when we were little, and I'm proud to say all of us have never been with out jobs and are always willing to work. In this day and age where people want something for nothing I think it's especially important to teach kids the value of working hard for what you earn. Also, it's great to show how a community can come together and help each other out, instead of waiting around for someone else(usually the gov't) to come along and do it for them.

P.S. I too, am married to a hot, intelligent, much older man who can equally challange me too! :)

You know, I think in the "days of old" we wouldn't have hesitated to have put 9 and 10 yr olds to work...every generation wants something "better" for their kids but I've sat back and watched as my cousins never had to get a job through their teen years and their parents bankrolled them all through college. I don't think they learned a thing about the value of money and what a hard day's work really is.

Having said that, I agree that he should have been helping. No 9/10 yr old (let alone a 37 yr old) is going to be downright excited about replacing windows...yeah, our house needs them...doesn't mean I'm signing up for the job. I believe a strong work ethic should be encouraged but kids still need to remain kids at least until they are closer to being teens. Your husband may have been tired and frustrated but that's no excuse to be yelling at a child (especially one you want help from). His behavior is unacceptable and you should tell him so.

Why not encourage your son to help by offering an allowance for helping to install the windows? Perhaps, it will help in the motivation department. And whenever tempers start flaring it's time for a break. If your husband is a yeller then you need to have a conversation with him about trying to control that or you will raise your children to be the same way (live what you learn).

My 4 & 6 yr olds love to help out around the house and are curious of a nature. I graciously accept their help but realize when they are at their helping limit, thank them and let them go play.

I'm 31, I had jobs around the house...we built a 1000 sq. foot addition to our home, a HUGE deck, rebuilt the barn...you name it--I did it. I wasn't always excited about it...but, I'd get weekend shopping trips to nordstrom without notice or go to a movie with my dad, my choice. My brother got the same rewards, but they weren't dangled in front of us prior to any project. Now, I'm the fix-it person in our household...plumbing, electrical, fans, decks, installing hardwood...I've done it all. My husband hasn't a clue where to start. He was parented the other way...stay outta the way...I'll do it. Now, he wishes he knew how to change the oil or handle changing a disposal. Spending time with my dad always involved some project...which was fun for my brother and I. I was mowing the lawn around 8 or 9. We were home summers (I was 12ish) alone, we did swim team every morning...and wound up cleaning the entire house as a "surprise" to my parents when they came home from work. So, it instilled a sense of ethic, problem solving and logic. Don't sweat it, I think it's great...I don't believe in child-sweat-labor-shops, but being a team member in the family working on the house is not even close to that...if he complains, just remember--he'll thank you in 15 years.

Hi L.,
When my 2 oldest boys were 10 and 12 they were helping their dad hang siding, replace windows and do plumbing and electrical work. We are of a mindset that the work ethic our children have while they are young is what they will hold onto when they are older. My husband and I both encouraged our boys to become young men....not teenagers! When they turned 12 they were to be deciding on what they want to do for life. Then in our homeschooling they are schooled in the direction they chose. My oldest son is now 16 and has his own lawncare business and has been working very hard this summer. The other is 14 now and works for his brother, plus has side jobs. They have both learned to work hard and are reaping the benefits now while they are still young.
This has been my experience so far, I still have many children to go through this stage of life. We have 10 total. I would stand back and let your husband train your son while he's young and moldable.

L.

L.,
I understand how you feel. I remember my dad being rather hard on me when it came to these kinds of things. I've also seen my husband be rather demanding of the kids when he wanted their help. But I have to say that he managed to raise very capable girls that have been able to stand on their own two feet in many ways. I especially feel that a 9/10 year old boy and his father should work together closely. I wouldn't presume to understand the pressure his father feels to raise a future good husband and caretaker for your sons future family. Without being there and seeing how hard he really did come down on him, I guess I can't say if he came down too hard. But I do think that I see far too many people in this world that seem as if they have not been taught how to really make it in this world. I have 3 grown daughters and one more coming up behind them. I can tell you that it never gets easier. I always worry about whether or not I've done enough to prepare them for this life and for a day when they won't have anyone to fall back on. There might be a time when I am unable to step in and help, their father and or I could be gone or we might be old and decrepit and need taken care of. :)

Suzi

While he should always be mindful of your child's lack of experience, and small size, your husband was right to expect the boy to work along side him. It is important for children to learn young that life is not all play. It is very good for their development and character to learn that work is just part of life, and it can rewarding in itself. It is wonderful for him to learn to help out others too, and to do it with a good attitude.

It is good that he can help but wrong of hubby to come down so hard on him, He is young to be excited about something like that dads thinking an his just not on the same wave length.

I just read your post and haven't read the responses yet but wanted to say that actually, I do think that is a pretty big undertaking for kids that age. I'm not sure what exactly he was having them do to help - getting tools or something would be appropriate, of course. But I know for my husband, when we tried to replace our windows ourselves, we ended up making it worse and having to have it done professionally. And let me tell you, I sure wasn't enjoying any of it, and I'm an adult with a strong work ethic. But your added note helped explain, too. Hopefully the kids will understand he was having a tough time and know that while he shouldn't have taken his frustrations out on them, he didn't mean to.

What does your husband expect from a 10 yr old boy,window relacement is a hard job.My husband had to do this growing up as well and he hated because his dad worked in the buisness and built their homes whenever they moved he expected the sons to pitch in and help well thats hard work when your a kid.But now my husband works very hard on his home he has learned alot of skills from his father from starting young in age.