How Would You Handle This Mom at "Moms Group/mops" =>Sorry, Long

I would ask the group how they feel about the sugary items as a whole. If the majority of the group is ok with it, then go with it, if they aren't then try to offer something else.

I would not trade babysitting or homeschooling with this friend anymore.

I would also look for someone else to help with the group. Isn't there anyone else that can step up?

I think you guys need to put a small article in the next newsletter asking for a new person or several new people to run the group.

It sounds like the two of you are getting to the point of splitting hairs over nonsensical stuff.

And YES thee are a lot of moms out there that would prefer a healthier snack. I'm all for the occasional treat but some moms are more strict on that--and to keep everyone happy, sometimes you need to work to the "lowest common denominator." (for lack of a better term.)

Go look in the mirror, now say NO! Say it again and again and again! Got it? Good, now go say it to your "friend".

Okay, edit here. I realize how harsh I sounded. But I've been there. You are doing everything, she reaps the benefits. Honestly, if you want it to stop then follow the above instructions, trust me, they work.

Stop taking on joint activities with this woman- you don't like spending time with her and have completely different parenting styles!

so your first few years together were good....& now things are festering.

That's life. It doesn't make her a bad person or you a weak person. It simply means that the two of you are approaching life from different angles & are not intersecting any longer. Another way to look at it....is that she is a "user" & you are not. Kudos to you!

When she tried dropping from the group & you insisted/forced her to continue.....I believe that was the beginning to the end. At that point, you'd had a few years together & she was making her move away from you. Let her go.....! In life, we can't always keep what we have! & sometimes, nor do we want to keep it!

If you look honestly at what you've posted, you've had nothing but issues since she tried leaving the group. This is the price you all are paying for an unhealthy relationship. She's making demands, trying to make changes & you're not in agreement with her. This is life, & life is all about negotiations. & as for the "no sugar" thing.....put it on your survey & let the parents decide. Honestly, my vote is for "no sugar" & this is standard for many classrooms....both preschool, public, & parochial! I always prefer healthy snacks over sugar! It should be the group & the gathering that makes life fun, not the donuts!

Thank you for serving others. I really appreciate that your heart is in the right place and you have made many sacrifices.

My church had 3 different women start up an independent moms group.
Finally, after the third set got burnt out, they decided to go with MOPS.
There is training and support and structure. Plus, everyone is invited to help out and the leaders are not stuck doing everything. IF you decided to do this next year, I would affiliate with MOPS and get the support and help you need.

Personally, I would talk to your church about it in a private meeting and see if they would like to start a MOPS or take a break for a year. I would make it clear that you are simply overwhelmed and need to take a break.

Whatever you do STOP babysitting and intermingling with this woman.
It will never get better. I know it is so hard to say no and to walk away because we are "nice" and all that, but you must face reality. This is not working, others can't step up and take the lead as long as you two are doing so, and maybe God has something else in store for you right now.

Again, I am so grateful to moms like you who take on leadership. Although I worked as a professional for years, the thought of dealing with all the drama keeps me from ever taking a leadership role.

Regarding the mom's group - as another mom here mentioned I would put out a notice asking for new leadership as you cannot continue in that capacity going forward (due to current life circumstances). If there is not an interest from other moms to serve, then perhaps the group is best dissolved.

Regarding the friend, it sounds like you have different "styles" and it is not a good fit. Friendships need to be two-way streets imho.

As a homeschooling mom, what I have found is that it is best to not "partner" with other moms unless there is a fantastic "fit" between moms AND kids. I prefer to extend invitations and car pooling on an as-it-can-be-done basis rather than having to constantly rely on other people. If it works out - great - but if not, we are not left dealing with other family's scheduling issues (nor them with ours).

Good luck - hope you get all this sorted out. Don't be afraid to do what works best for your family.

I agree, you need to learn to say "No!". Plus, honestly, you are doing all the work anyway, what do you really need her for? Honestly, stop worrying about hurting her feelings if you disagree with her. She has no regard for yours.

The moms that have such an issue with the sugar shoud NOT come if it bothers them that much. I am sick of the food police wanting to spoil everyone elses fun. It is ONCE a month...what is the big deal And if there is such an issue put out a little bowl of a healthy alternative like pretzels. I will tell you what is going to happen to the kids of these gestapo moms....they are going to have food issues their whole lives. When we teach our kids restriction instead of moderation we put them in the position to binge out once they are able. I have seen it happen too many times with my kids friends.

And you really really need to learn how to say no to this woman. She walks on you and you let her.

And I think it is time that the 2 of you turn the reigns of your group over to another 2 moms. If you are both pregnant there is no reason whey somebody else cannot step up.

I agree with other posters...time to move on. You can break up with friends just like boyfriends. It's time.

I agree with Lucia. Learn how to say no, and drop this woman from your list of babysitters/cohorts.

Honestly, to me running the whole Moms group and trying to please everyone with choices of snacks, etc. AND your relationship with this other group leader seems like a lot of stress. I would step away from the group and from the other leader. It sounds like much, much more grief that benefit at this point. There is nothing wrong with politely stepping back. That is what I would do. You really do not have to do this Moms group or be intertwined with this other woman and her children.

Can you have a meeting with the Moms and see what snacks everyone agrees are ok for their kids? I don't know the kids ages or I would give some suggestions to try to help. Also, I agree you need to learn to say no to this mom. Good luck!

Hey MW, you said in the beginning you bumped heads a few times on different matters, outside looking in it sounds like she may feels as though she can take you or leave you and you are allowing her to do all of the taking. Most of us have had to master JUST SAY NO! and it's time you do that with a smile. Good response in the email to her.

CUT HER OFF. Why have a relationship in your life that you do not HAVE TO HAVE (such as a family member, child's teacher, co-worker or boss) that gives you grief? Any elective relationship such as a friend, collaborator, etc should be one that enhances your life in some way. Time to drop kick this unhealthy situation.

I would seek out someone else to help run things.

Saying no is all well and good but in this case just saying no may not cut it. I think she's clever enough to make you feel bad about saying no. She might come back with some comment that it'll hurt the kids. I say cut that one off at the pass and use that to your advantage. State that the way things are going you believe your children are getting short-changed. Because they are your number one priority you have had to make some tough decisions about their well-being and you feel that the shared activities, as they are currently executed (sitting co-op and home-schooling with or without lunch), are not the best possible arrangement for your children. Then tell her you will be making changes going forward. Do not share what those changes are as she will have something to hook into and argue with you about. Since you are not asking HER to change, she really can't argue with you about the changes either. And cut her loose. As the others have said, if this moms' group was meant to buoy each other up, its not really working for you. Come up with a leader succession plan and move on.

Sometimes a group (like some friends) have run their course and it's time to move on. If you can't manage it anymore and there is no one to take over or help, perhaps it should just end or maybe you could take a year sabatical and start it up when you can handle it again.

From what I see, this is a non-reciprocal relationship. It has less to do with you saying NO than it does with her overall attitude toward you and then extending that to your children (what a jerky thing to do to have little kids standing by the door with their hats in hand - breaks my heart!).
I would sever the relationship. Not the group events, or what you have to do to manage the group, but the homeschool, the trading of sitting, etc. If it can't be done with a cheerful heart on both ends, not worth it.
Maybe you all are spending too much time together??
I also thought it may be time to pass the reigns to another leader of the group to allow you both some distance. If you all started this group as a way to support and uplift one another and it is becoming a point of frustration or a burden to either of you, I think you look at a replacement "leader"
I am not suggesting you leave the group, but just share the responsiblities with other loyal attendees.
This is a layered issue and as others have stated it does start with you knowing when and how to pull away from this person.

She is draining you. You need to either set boundaries or starting doing things without her. I've been in this situation before and usually, I just back away. Good luck!

Reading through all of this I had a few thoughts:

Why do you not have a board of directors and committees to share the work? Why are the two of you doing all the work while others are reaping the benefits?

I am not sure of all the particulars of the group but wouldn't this open the two of you up to a huge liability. If you were under the umbrella of a national organization they would provide you some guidelines to follow as well as insurance.

From your post I am not sure whay you are getting out of this group and why you keep it going.

As for the 'friend' it sounds as if there is some breakdown in communication. Instead of coming out and telling you why she does not want to feed your children she just skirts the issue. This seems to happen with babysitting and everything else for that matter. I think if you see some benefit you need to speak up and open the lines of communication otherwise this whole group and friendship is destined to fail.

As for the food...why do these kids need to be eating there? With allergies and childhood obesity I don't see why these kids need a snack during what is probably an hour long meeting. If you feel snacks are required then why can't it be fruits and or vegetables.