We live next door to an apartment building and my kids have made friends with the children within the building. I enjoy having the kids over and letting them play in the house and outside and I am always sure to ask whether the child has informed their parents that they are over, etc.
There is one little girl who is outside on her own A LOT. I am not sure if the mom works or what but she is hardly ever outside when her daughter is. Since my kids are 7 & 5 I am out there so I don't mind keeping an eye on her as she is respectful and listens (most of the time).
My issue is that we just set up a new swingset in our backyard and while we have invited the children to play we are noticing that the little girl is climbing the fence and playing on the swingset when we are not home hence without our permission. My first concern is for her safety and something happening to her when no one is around to help. Second, I think she is lacking boundaries in her life and this is something that can get her into trouble later in life.
My husband and I agree that we need to talk to her but we want to make sure that we don't send the wrong message. Is it as simple as just telling her that she cannot play on the swingset unless we are home and give permission? Do we need to talk to her mom?
Thanks
I would talk to both. In the meantime, or if the problem continues, maybe you can pin the swings up when you aren't using them.
Yeah, I had the next door neighbor boy climbing our privacy fence into our backyard when I first bought this house. While I didn't mind him coming over when we were home, or my son playing out front with him, I drew the line at climbing my fence and hanging out in my backyard without my permission or supervision.
I simply told him, and made it very clear to him, that was unacceptable behavior. I explained that unless our car was in the driveway, and he had knocked and received permission to play at our house, he was not to be on our property. Especially, not climbing our fence. I told him I did not want to have to speak to his Grandfather about it - and that I expected him to be mature and follow the rules. Lo' and behold, it worked.
So, talk to the child, explain the rules, and, if need be, talk to her parents.
You don't need to ban her from playing at your house, but you do need to explain the limits and rules. You will not be sending the wrong message, simply setting boundaries which is a good thing.
Good Luck and God Bless
IT's a sad world but it's a huge liability to let kids play on your swingset without parental paermission or when you are not home.
You should speak to the little girl about it AND to her mom. Be firm.
Definitely talk to the mother as well as the little girl. This is both a chance to protect yourself by putting the parent on notice that the girl doesn't have permission to be there at those times, as well as a chance to do some gentle probing about why the girl is able to be out, alone, climbing over fences.
You could even add that you're worried that the girl could fall and injure herself climbing over a fence, and if you were away from home, no one would be there to see and help her. That might be a wake-up call for the mom, if she's just a "go roam the neighborhood, you'll be fine" parent.
If there is more serious neglect going on, like you discover she's not even in their apartment when you see the child outside but leaves the girl home totally alone at age 7 -- well, that might be reason to get someone official involved. In many places it is against the law to leave a child that young unsupervised by any adult.
Regardless of the swing set question, when you are watching the girl outside and play time is over, I might start telling the girl "We'll walk you home" and knocking on the apartment door to see if an adult is present or if the girl's going home to an empty apartment.
i think it's as simple as that. just let her know that if you aren't home she can't come over. you don't want her getting hurt and no one being there to help her. she's old enough to understand that.
We had the same issue after we put up a swingset for my stepdaughter. The two little girls next door would be on it non-stop- even though they had one (in my opinion, that was a lot cooler than ours). We didn't feel comfortable with them on it when we are not home. So we just asked that if they don't see my husband's truck in the drive to knock on the back door and see if we are home. The only other time we've had to ask them to stay away is when we've had the yard treated. I didn't need to speak to their parents, but their mother and I talk regularly so I just mentioned what we had told them and it was no big deal. They had the same issue with a little girl who had lived down the street playing on theirs.
We had this same issue with our next door neighbor (we have low fences). You need to speak directly to her mother so she is aware of what is going on.
I would talk to her next time you see her. If she doesn't do it again, let it go. If she keeps it up, then I would talk to the mom.
conference with both Mom & child...at the same time.
Definitely talk to the mom...not the kid.
I would talk to the mom first partly to use it as an opportunity to get a sense what's going on as to why her 7 yr old is always playing outside alone. If I was even casually watching a kid frequently, I'd kind of want to know the mom a bit. And I think telling the mom would help from any potential liability issue. Then I'd say something nicely to the child too in case the mother doesn't bother.
Try talking to the little girl. Tell her that you are concerned about her safety and that she is welcome over when you guys are there. Let her know that if she can't follow the rules that she won't be welcome to come and play.
I would tell her she is welcome to use your swingset as long as your outside with your kids. I would also tell the mom how you feel.
There are some moms out there that just want a break and dont seem to care where their kids have gone. Ugh.
Yep it's that simple...I would tell the little girl that she is welcome to play only if your children are outside playing too.
There are parents out there who jsut don't watch their kids the way you do (or I did). I think those kids have extra-special guardian angels becuase they seem to escape danger. I always worry about them though beucae they seem to befriend anyone who is friendly to them. You rmind can go to horrible places.
Do both, tell her that when you're not home she can't play in your yard or on your swingset. just plain - those are the rules in our yard. I'd also tell her mom when you next see her. Either her mom is clueless, has a mental health issue, a substance issue or has a few other kids who are younger and is really stressed out. My DD had a friend whose mother would drop her off at a Nathan's funzone birthday party at age 5 - and tell the birthday parent she'd be back when the party was over. She had 4 older kids and I guess she was more relaxed...
