How to Tell My Pre-teen About SEX......

Try getting an age-appropriate book at the library and reading through it with her. When she has questions, answer them honestly and try not to act embarrassed so that she will feel more comfortable coming to you with her questions.

My daughter is 13 and we have an open relationship. When she was younger I bought some American Girl books which helped ease into the subject of her body and what she should expect from growing up. She still refers to these books as well as asking me questions. I find it really important she has someone to ask questions. I have a girl scout troop and have spoken with the parents over the years and have talked with the girls about growing up. They are really curious but also terrified about the unknown. Take the time to talk to your daughter, you don't want her to learn things from "friends" they are almost always wrong. I find it amazing how many parents just avoid these subjects thinking their children are too young. When my daughter did get her period (the day before her best friend!) she knew what to expect and wasn't scared. We made it a special grown-up time for her. I went and got her a special earring and necklace set and took her out for dinner, just the girls. She felt so grown-up and has a wonderful memory for the rest of her life. My mom did the same for me and I still have the set she gave me.

Take a breathe and realize she doesn't need all the information at once, but you do need to start answering her questions. Hope this helped!

My two are way young still but I know Tampa General offers a class called....Growing up, What you and your daughter can expect. I heard it's great!

You could try reading a book to her about it. That's how my mom told me. I was a little younger (10). But, however you do it, you should do it soon, because she's kind of old to just be learning about it, and you don't want her to learn from her peers. She could get wrong info and she could get embarassed about it.

Good luck!

If you have a good relationship with her you go off the vibe of that and let that lead you. I definitely think it should be done b4 she starts middle school because kids are exposed to so much more than when we were kids. My oldest is 17 and my husband and I talk very openly with him and let him know to come to us because his friends know no more than he does. That worked so well he felt comfortable enough to tell me about his first "Dream" and that actually embarassed me a little which is hard to do. But I appreciated the fact that he did.
I am seriously surprised that at 12 she didn't know what sexual intercourse is so you should definitely speak to her because of what she will be feeling if she isn't already as well as what she will get from the other kids if mom doesn't give her the correct info. My mom didn't talk to me either she came to me once when I was 13 and asked if I had started my period yet but that was it. I felt like something was wrong with me for a while because I hadn't started but my friends and my four sisters all did by the time they were 13. But I was very active and didn't start until just before my 16th birthday which I learned later isn't uncommon for girls who are active/athletic.
So get to it I say and see what questions she may have. As for the school discussing it, how could they without your permission? I didn't think it was legal to do those classes without sending home notification to parents and agreement in writing to allow your kid to be enrolled.
So I suggest sitting her down talk to her the way you normally do and see what questions she has and allow that to lead your conversation. Then you correct as needed and fill in any gaps with appropriate information. Hope this helps.

My daughter is 10 and will most likely start early. We went over it last year. I just sat down and explained the menstruation part. The act of sex, not yet! Mommas not ready for that one! But the american girl books are great. and if you can find the ones with pictures, that is better. I also threw in the topic of hygiene and confidence. Those are things that come along with menstruation that are often ignored. Good luck!

There's a set of books out that are geared towards different ages. It's called God's Design for Sex Series. You can look them up at Barnes and Noble's website. I highly recommend them. You could start with the first one or just jump up to the 3rd or 4th. I'd read on each one to see where you think your daughter is at. I would do it soon. I used to teach elementary school and these topics started coming up before middle school. So she may have already heard some.

I got preg at 17 & if my parents would have been honest & open w/me about sex i probally wouldnt have gotten preg at such a young age. Unfortunatly, kids these days hear about sex way before we ever did. The best advise i can give is to be open & honest! As hard as it is to talk about sex, your daughter will hear about it from her friends & its better getting the real truth from you. Make sure she knows she can come to you with any questions or problems or concerns.

Good Morning A.,

While I don't have any girls, I do have 3 wonderful teenage boys with whom my husband and I have had "The Talk" with. I initiated the talk at age 10, I figured I had when my oldest had asked "What does horny for you mean?" I was driving at the time of the question and almost ran the car off the road. Anyway, from that point on it has always been an open and honest relationship with our children. It is an important time to bond and gain each others trust. She must feel free to be able to come to you with anything. I shared with my boys my fears and my hope for their futures. Also told them that I hope that they loved themselves enough to have respect for themselves as well as others. Something my parents had always told my siblings and I (1 sister and 1 brother) is this. For my brother to always treat any young lady/woman in his life like he would want some one to treat his sisters and for my sister and I , the opposite...treat any man in our lives like we would want another woman treating our brother. For my guys, I gave the example of how would they want their father or some other man to treat me. To have all three of the boys come to us and thank us for the advice ,and come back to us for more, we must have given some advice that was worth its weight in gold. We also assured them that while we may not like something problem that they may come to us with, we will certainaly be there to help them through it.

Wishing you the best.
V.

There's a really good book called Changing Bodies, Changing Lives by Ruth Bell who was also involved with Our Bodies, Ourselves. It has interviews and quotes from teens (plus lots of information from the authors) and covers puberty, sex, relationships, plus a host of other issues faced by teenagers. You should be able to find it on Amazon.com. I inherited my step-sister's copy which was published in '81 and really liked it. You could read it together, or take turns, and discuss.

I think just a straightforward sit down talk is the best but that's my personality. It may not work for you. There are books you can get from the local library or book store to help with things that may be awkward for you to say or explain. But please do not hesitate. I have taught middle and high school and I can tell you that there are sexually active 12 year olds in our schools. So please don't hesitate much longer. You may be surprised at the amount of information (accurate or incorrect) that she has already picked up. That's not to say that any of her friends are doing that sort of thing, but you can overhear a lot just in the hallways and lunch room! Good Luck.

Dear A.,

My only advice is to tell her the truth and pray for the best. I am a mother of two grown daughters. If you try and fudge it they will know. You don't need to get into explicit details, but you need to explain the basics. As parents all we can do is give them the information they need to make formative decisions and pray for the best. By being open and truthful about the subject you will retain the closeness with your daughter and she will be more willing to come to you with questions and problems.

C.