My nine yr old son has been overly sensitive lately. He seems to be having issues with his siblings, his classmates, even me. He has always been a little sensitive but within the last few months it has gotten extreme. He is a very social child, he has lots of friends at school and life at home is pretty good but he seems to argue with everyone he crosses paths with. If someone is making a comment about something he assumes they are talking about him (9 times out of ten they are not) and then he gets defensive. If he is playing with friends or siblings he always assumes the other person is cheating or not playing fair. It has really gotten out of control, he walks around thinking everyone is out to do him wrong. I have told him that even if someone says something that he may find offensive he needs to remain calm and sort out the situation. I said he cannot control the way others behave but he CAN control the way he behaves. He says that his teachers and friends say he always overreacts and sadly they are right. How do I tell him this without making him feel bad? He already thinks I am always taking other peoples sides over him so how do I get it across to him that it really is him who is causing most of the issues. His teacher says when he is upset with a classmate over something she will ask the other child what is going on and most of the time the other child is not even aware that there is an issue, my son is usually the one making it out to more than it is. I am worried that he is goong to start losing friends and get anxiety because he stresses so much about everything. What can I do to make him let things roll off his back more often?
What about having him meet with the school counselor or someone else who could help him with coping skills?
Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you but wanted to let you know that you are not alone! My son is 8 1/2 and exactly the same way! It drives us crazy. My favorite is that the video game "cheated" and he starts crying. I've seen my son at parties having a great time then afterwards tells me that "they didn't let him play" or something like that and he gets all upset. I found it definitely happens more when he is tired and it happens more at home than at school. I thought maybe it was just his personality or a way to get more attention. It kind of scares me to think it might be hormones and getting ready for puberty.... they're too young for puberty! I read the book "How to Talk So Kids will Listen" it's really good and I recommend it as well. Good luck with your son. Hopefully we'll figure this out and hope this is just a stage.
Hi R.,
This sounds like a tough situation. Looking at this from your son's point of view, I think everything you say to him needs to convey that you are on his side and you believe his feelings. For example, rather than say no one is mad at you/excluding you maybe say, I can understand that you feel like you are being excluded and that hurts, doesn't it? Why do you think Johnny would exclude you like that?
I would say there is a bigger issue here. Self-confidence maybe? Talking to a counselor as Janine suggested is a good idea. Has he always been like this? You say he's been sensitive lately, has something happened at school? Maybe he really WAS excluded from something and that hurt his feelings and made him scared it would happen again. I hope he can get back to being himself soon.
When he feels himself getting steamed and about to blow, have him stop and count to 15 in his head before he says or does anything. Sometimes this will give just enough of a break to calm things down.
Another thing to try, if the counting doesn't work, is to have him stop and think if things were reversed and he was doing x to his friend, would his friend get upset too?
I would check out a terrific book called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk." It might help with communicating with him more effectively and might even get him thinking about coming up with his own solutions to his problems. My stepson went through a phase like this when he was 11 and for a while he basically ended up alienating all his friends. It didn't last, and once he realized that he had nobody to blame but himself, he came around - it wasn't easy though! I would agree that it could be puberty starting and all those hormones can start making them pretty moody!
Hello, I would try reviewing what had just happened and let him hear it from the other side. He might actually get how different it seems when he is not in the middle of the situation. It might not work, but then again, it might.
Good luck with your precious son.
K. K.
Didn't read the other answers, but my first thought was puberty has arrived. Perhaps he needs counseling to learn how to deal with his thought processes? Good luck!
I think it's a little hormonal. My son is 8, and there are times when he takes things WAY too personally. He, too, has accused the Wii of "cheating"! LOL I like the suggestion about increasing the daddy time.
Your son is 9.
He is a "Tween" now. A Pre-teen.
Tweens are from ages 9-12.
He is going through transition changes. Mentally/emotionally/biologically.
Do a Google Search on "Tween Development" and MANY good articles will come up.
Read it.
Learn about Tweens.
This will help.
At certain age stages and junctures, kids get insecure.
Teach him to be HIMSELF.
And how to be self-aware.
Not what others say or do or think.
Can a school psychologist check him out? It would be free.
Good morning, I think this may be a job for daddy, my first born son was a little like this, my husband spent a lot of one on one with him, fishing, taking him to the Martials Studio where my husband trained, just guy time, stories of when he was young, and it helped my son communicate with dad, on issues, and after a while our son was more confident, emotionally stronger. That's what worked with my son, he is now 27 and he's training to be a UFC fighter. Who would have know when he was 9. J.
