So I am a divorced mom of two. A five yo girl and 3 yo boy. My boyfriend of a year and I recently found out we are expecting in July. This pregnancy was a big surprise for us both! Now I have no idea how/when to tell my children about this new sibling or how to field all the questions I know they are going to ask. My biggest concern is that they are going to not understand why the baby lives with me all the time but they only live with me half the time. Yikes. I just don't know where to start! Any advice would be great!!
First off, don't refer to the new baby as a "half" anything. It's a whole baby and deserves to be recognized as such.
Don't bring worries on yourself. Don't over-explain things, they are too young. You are looking at the situation from an adult's point of view. Deep breath. I like the shirt idea. Don't do the "half" thing. They are siblings even if biology isn't 100%. I have a sister who is a step, but she is more my sister than my bio-sister. It's love that makes family as much as, and sometimes more than, biology.
And they live with you half the time because mommy and daddy live in different places. This baby's mommy and daddy live in the same place.
when you start to show tell them that they will be having a new brother or sister coming. they will think its the norm to have the baby stay with you. if they ask questions you just tell them that the baby needs to stay with mommy and his/her daddy.
Be honest. All my kids are 1/2 sibling's, but really, they're not raised as such. They're brothers and sisters, and they'll tell you so much. Just be honest! Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. No one has the traditional mom-dad-brother-sister stamped out family anymore. This is what's 'normal' to your kids. CONGRATS on the pregnancy!
If you ever have a tough time answering their questions, PM me. I could write the book on this, LOL!!
I agree to wait till you are really showing. And then just be honest that they are going to be big sister and brother. It really feel like it is forever at that age. My mom said she told me she was going to have a baby and I was constantly asking when?.. how much longer?
And since they have 2 houses they get to go and see their dad and the baby will stay with you and the new babies dad. This is their life and they will not see or think it is strange. this will be their normal.
I would address each thing as it comes up. Maybe get them shirts that say "Best big sister/brother" or something (Zazzle them) and when DD asks why her brother has one, too, say, "We're having a baby!" Little kids need just the facts and the more simple the better.
First, it's too early to tell them anything. Time goes on forever at that age. They'll keep expecting this baby way before it's due. I suggest telling them when you're showing and they ask.
I doubt that they'll have many questions. At 5 and 3 they don't have the knowledge and experience of an adult. Keep it simple. Answer just the question in ways that they will understand.
Later, when you do tell them, say in May or so, read some books to them about being a big sister, big brother. You can find them at the library or a book store.
I think you'll be pleased at how this will just work it's self out.
Well, first - congrats on your pregnancy.
I think you tell them when you start telling others who you think might tell them first, or they might overhear. You don't want them to hear this from anyone but you. But remember - kids don't really have a concept of time, so if you tell them too early.... it will be an eternity for them to wait for their new sibling.
As far as why the baby lives with you all the time.... why wouldn't they understand? That should be easy. "You and your brother go visit your daddy, but your (sister/brother's) daddy is (Steve) and he lives here, so she doesn't go anywhere to see him".
I agree don't refer to the sibling as 1/2 anything. You want to build a bond between all three kids. The same as if their dad has another baby. It is their sibling. especially if they are being 'raised' together. They will understand that they don't share the same parents..... but families come in all different shapes and sizes.
