How to Tell

I had a similar situation and what I learned from it is that if I don't want my infant around sick people I have to ask if anyone there will be sick. If so - I don't go. I can't control other people. You would think common sense would be the guide, but not always.

This time of the year it could very well be allergies. My boys have had runny noses, sneezing, and coughing, circles under their eyes, crabby, etc. I would first ask if they are suffering from allergies most people keep their kids home if they are sick with something worse then the common cold. Do you keep your kids home from the store because people there are sick or do you still do your grocery shopping? You said your oldest is 3 so he/she will be in school soon and believe me people send their kids to school with a lot worse things then a cold. My son got a letter home last fall to inform us that whooping cough, chicken pox, and strep were all going around so its best just to get used to it.

People really should stay home when they are sick, esp. when a one month old will be around, but your 3 year old needs to start being exposed and build up resistance to colds etc as soon pre-school will be starting and they will catch it all and it will be good for them as this is how children build up resistance.
This has nothing to do with dangerous flus tho.

You've had great responses so far. I just really wanted to reiterate what Carey S. stated. I have 4 kids. If I stayed in whenever one of them was coughing, or had a runny nose, I would be in ALL year. Unless there's a more serious illness going on, like the flu, vomiting, or fevers, you're asking too much for them to stay home! Kids get colds. Your kids will be better off for it in the long run if you keep exposing them....

I think you answered your own question in your question: you can't keep them away from all germs. Its not your place to say what other moms do as far as bringing their kids places when sick. Maybe they weren't even sick but had seasonal allergies. But it doesn't really matter, because its not your call. Its your responsibility to keep you own kids well by maintaining their immune system like making sure you do proper hygiene like washing hands, give them healthy foods and make sure they get enough sleep.

I have four kids and I have learned that this is something that you have very little control over. First of all, it really isn't fair to assume that these kids all were sick with something contagious. After all, it is allergy season and the symptoms that you mentioned are also allergy symptoms. Maybe you should have casually mentioned it to their mom or dad. Unfortunately, it really has to be you who protects your one month old. If u are afraid of exposing the baby to germs then it is probably best to stay away from the b-day parties until they are old enough. I do think that you are going to be unpleasantly surprised when your three year old goes to school.
They are exposed to EVERYTHING in school. Sometimes it is because another parent sends their child when they shouldn't and other times a parent sends their child before they are showing symptoms (but they are still already contagious). I have gotten letters home about strep, fifths disease, foot and mouth and everything else. It's horrifying at first, but I just realized that it's life. What can you do??
Just remember though...if one of your children ends up with seasonal allergies and they get a runny nose for two months straight, how would you feel if you were being judged by others for taking them to a birthday party? Your cousin's kids may have already seen a doctor and got the okay to be around others. You never know if you don't ask.

I think that you are asking too much. I support what other people have said that someone with 4 kids (or sometimes even one kid!) would never leave the house if she were waiting for all of them to be completely healthy. My pedi told me that in the first year that kids are out and about in the world (so either daycare or kindergarten or whatever) they have, on average, 10 colds that last 10 days each. That means that some kids are sick more than 100 days/year! I think that the best that you can do is either leave the baby home if there are going to be kids at a function or just be careful not to let anyone else hold her/him. Wash your 3 year old's hands and teach him/her not to put things in his mouth. Of course I think that someone should give you a heads up (and then stay home) if their kid is sick with something either really yucky or really contagious, like conjunctivitis or the flu. I also think it's totally reasonable for you to chose to stay home and miss the event because you want to keep your kids healthy. But I think that it is not fair for you to insist that someone else stay home because of a small cold.

I don't think you can request that other people stay away if it's not your home; however I do believe in full disclosure - it would have been nice if she told you that her kids were sick beforehand and then you could make the decision about whether or not you wanted your children to attend or not. I wouldn't be so worried about the 3 year old, but I certainly wouldn't want a sick one month old! (Although it is a little easier to keep the baby away from the other kids.) Obviously you don't want to throw your kids in the line of fire, BUT a lot of times kids aren't even symptomatic when an illness first starts brewing - so the kids who look perfectly fine could already be spreading germs you're not even aware of. The runny nose and coldish symptoms could have been allergy related, too. Unless someone says "my kids have been diagnosed with swine flu" I don't think I'd worry too much about this and just keep the kids washing those hands! :-)

I asked my pedi what standard procedure was for staying in with colds and his response was that if you stay in with a cold you will be in all year. With four kids it is impossible to have four healthy children all the time. If they don't have fevers or a virus than I think it is totally fine for them to be there. As for you, you have a 1 month old and I would feel cautious about where you go but you can't expect everyone else to stay home if they have a runny nose. Keep in mind that it is allergy season and they might not be sick at all but rather may suffer from seasonal allergies.

I get really mad when I see obviously sick kids at the playground, etc. and this is no exception. The problem is, everyone thinks differently (and has different hygiene standards, unfortunately).
The offending parents should tell people they have a bit of a cold and be on top of the drippy noses, wiping it all the time. Letting that go unnoticed is just plain gross.
I like to use the Wet Ones wipes on my son's hands after outings, if I can't immediately wash his hands. They are a fixture in the car. The pale green (not red) Wet Ones are supposedly safe for babies.

Hi P.,
I feel your pain! This is a pet peeve of mine also. However, my child has seasonal allergies with the same symptoms as a cold and I wonder if what your seeing is sometimes allergies. If you know that the children are sick (i.e. mom is saying "I can't seem to keep them from getting all these viruses" etc.) and its a close friend/relative, you might want to mention your uncomfortable with having your child around and see what they say. In that situation, I just try to keep my child away from the child affected and the toys they are playing with. Even though its a pain for your child to be exposed to viruses and then get sick, it often makes them immune to them in the future. Cheers!

I have to respond because my sister in law lives down stairs from my parent in laws, so whenever we visit she's there and so are her kids.
For awhile everytime we went her kids and she was sick and then my son would get sick. Her son and my son are only 5 months apart so obvisiosly they were sharing toys. Thankfully it was just colds that they had and my son wasn't sick for long but still it's so aggrevating.
There isn't a lot you can do because it is a family get together but when it's more on on one time you can ask is everyone is healthy.
This past year I snapped and made my husband call the day before and ask if everyone was healthy. We made it sound like we were the ones just getting over something and didn't want to sread germs or get sick again. ANd it worked because they actually called once to cancle because they had been sick.
Unfortunately some people see a runny nose as allergies or just a little cold and still drag their kids everywhere and don't think how it looks to others and the best thing you can do is just try to distant yourself from them. I hope things work out better for you but you aren't alone in this problem.

As a mother of now teens I can tell you its a losing battle. You'd be happier picking one you can fight.
Children get colds all year long. If you avoided everyone and anyone with a cold, you'd actually be doing your child a dis-service. Children need to be exposed to germs in order to build up resistance. Now... no one needs a sick 1 month old, If you feel that someone is going to show up ill, you'd be better off keeping your own family home. You have to remember too that people harbor germs and may be coming down with an illness you don't know about. Drs. usually suggest keeping an infant home until after the first round or two of shots.
Good luck!

you might want to ask if the kids are suffering from seasonal allergies (it is that time of year and the symptoms are very similar)
i always tried to keep my little ones away from gatherings if i knew that someone had a fever, but since my youngest (7 yrs) really suffers every spring, i have learned the difference between sick and allergies.
hopefully your kids will just breeze thru springtime, but it is a question worth asking of the grown ups
hope this helps
best
I.

When I was teaching, I remember SO many kids coming in and having a high fever or throwing up within a half hour of arrival - so you KNOW those kids were exhibiting some symptoms at home. It's so frustrating. However, without fever or flu symptoms, it's really hard to stay home all the time. Also, another post noted that people can spread germs when they don't have symptoms. My son is absolutely NEVER sick because I boost his immune system with a top quality supplement. He can be around really sick people and the most he will get is a slight sniffle for a day. He hasn't missed a day of school since he's been doing this supplement. My friend has 4 kids - same thing - not one missed day. Another friend has 2 kids, and the younger one has been on the supplement since birth - healthiest child I've ever seen. So I think you can't keep people home from things especially if it's not your house, although I think you can call ahead and say "I have a newborn and I really need to protect her/him at this early stage in life." I think you just have to control what you can control -- your own distance, the handwashing, and strengthening from inside.

My two little ones have bad seasonal allergies and I feel like I always have to defend bringing them places. If the kids are not feverish and really sick (stomach, etc.) than I see nothing wrong with bringing them. I would keep hand sanitizer ready and not let them near the baby if you are concerned.