How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving That I Don't Know Well...

I think taking over a freezer friendly meal, and a thoughtful card will be perfect.

Maybe in a few weeks ask her out for a cup of coffee?

Pay her a visit, express what you expressed here, and offer your support in the form of your presence. When my dad died, nothing meant more to me than just to have someone listen, a shoulder to cry on, someone who could also give a hug. Different people grieve in different ways, so sometimes it's best to ask how you might be of support to her. You are wonderful for wanting to do that for someone you haven't known much. This is the time you can take to be there for her in small ways.

Just send her a card/note, and in it write that if she needs any help/shoulder to vent on, she can call you.

You don't know her well, so she may not reach out to you.
But just the gesture, is helpful. And will be appreciated.

Some people don't want visitors at times likes this.
So being you don't know her well, there is no way to tell, what she needs. Nor for her family.

I'd do two things. First, I'd write her a note letting her know that she has my sympathy and I'd be glad to help her when she needs it. Send it with cookies or bread.

The other thing would be not to forget. People who have a death in the family have friends and neighbors with them at first, but then the other folks have to go on with their own lives and one can feel forgotten. You neighbor may need you in a few weeks or months. Are you willing to stop by every week to ask how she's doing?

All you can really do is check in with her and see how you can help. Right now will be tough for them and am sure she is not concerned with building relationships with anyone when she is greiving. I think taking a meal over is a great idea, just create some dialogue with her and see what you can pick up on.

There's not much more you can do, except let them know you are there and willing to help with what you can. Right now, they are probably overwhelmed with guests and need the support in making sure everyone is fed and has something to drink. Otherwise, her family will console her at this point.

Once everyone leaves, may be the time to stop by and check on her. She will likely go through a depression from grieving and may need someone to sit and just talk, or just listen.

In any event, it is wonderful of you to reach out to her.

This is a really hard time for a family. Sometimes the best thing you can do is give them some time. Especially if you don't know them well.
I had someone very, very close to me die and his mother confided in me, "God....I just wish people would leave me alone."
The phone was ringing off the hook, the door bell rang constantly with people bringing food and having flowers delivered and it's not that she didn't appreciate them. She just felt she didn't have a minute to herself to get arrangements made and get an emotional grip on what had just happened.
She had SO many well meaning people that she was overwhelmed.
Now that the funeral is over, it might be a good idea to just let them have some time.
You can always send a card offering your further condolences and anything you can possibly do if needed. Then just leave it at that.
Don't be offended if you don't hear back from her.

I think it's wonderful that you feel such compassion for her and her family and I'm sure she appreciates all you've already done to help out.
I sat down and sent thank you notes to every single person who attended the service for my mother in law, brought food, sent flowers or contributions to charities in her name. It was exhausting and emotional even though some time had passed and life for us had somewhat settled down.

Give a little time and then try reaching out as a neighbor and a woman who'd like to be her friend as opposed to someone who wants to do more because her son passed away.

That's just my personal opinion.
You sound like a very loving and caring gal.

Best wishes.

Perhaps you could invite her over for a cup of tea and just to talk.

There are 2 questions that I've used when talking to people who have lost someone. The first is "Tell me about (your loved one).

The other question is "How is your grieving going?" Remember, it takes a long time. When they no longer need this question they'll let you know that they're doing fine.

My stepmothers daughter died in a terrible accident a few years ago. In the beginning she did not know what she wanted. She did appreciate all of the cards.. there was a lot of food in the beginning, but then it tapered off after a couple of months.

Some of the neighbors did her lawn while she was at work. Another mom would send her an email the night before she was going to the store to offer to pick up things for her.

Also for every special holiday after the death, she had friends that sent her a card. Easter, 4th of July etc.. just to let her know they were still thinking of her and to remind her they still wanted to be of any help needed..
You sound like a comapshonat person. Send her a not with your email, and phone number and let her know if she needs anything you would love to help. Laundry, getting her car inspected etc.. Let her know you do not expect any conversation if she is not up to it, but would be happy to help.

I agree with the idea of a card...with a personal note written in it that you know her heart must be breaking and you want to do anything that you can to be of help. Give her your phone number and suggest that she call you, or if you see her outside...stop by and ask her if she would like to go for a walk...or invite her over for coffee.
Just be natural...do what you would do with any neighbor that you felt like you wanted to get to know.
Let her guide the conversation as far as her son is concerned....some people want to talk and reminisce...some people find that makes the pain to raw and too real.
It is so good of you to want to reach out and be there for her!!!

My family suffered through the longest ordeal in finding out my oldest brother passed away (in nov '05, buried in jan '06). The Circle of Friends is an AWESOME support group for parents & siblings. Bringing over meals will be a great gesture as would be a card letting them know your condolences and that you want to help when they are ready. Try to suggest TCF.

This is the time to bust out your favorite cookie in a jar type gift (where all dry ing are included/layerd and the directions for wet and cooking.

http://allrecipes.com//Recipes/desserts/cookies/cookie-mi...

Bring something that is ready to bake or put in the freezer it is easier when you do not have to cook much. I would also share with her your intentions of forming a friendship before the inncident and let her know that when she is ready to do something, even if it is just lunch at McDonalds you are avail.

You have some good suggestions but I wanted to expound upon what Mary said....she was right on about people 'forgetting' about your loved one. When you have a loved one die, especially when they are young or it is sudden, you think about that person and want to talk about them all the time, but most people only are there to listen right at the beginning. Usually this isn't b/c people are mean, rude, or insensitive it's usually b/c it doesn't affect them like it affects you and although it's normal, it's kind of lonesome. I would write down the date he passed on your calendar and keep up with her on the anniversaries of his death, one month, six months, etc. I would specifically mention her son and say I know this is a hard day for you, can I take you for coffee or drop off some muffins, or whatever. People don't know what to say on ocassions such as this, but honestly, saying anything and letting her know that you remember will touch her deeply I'm sure.

My husband just went through chemo, not a death I know, but a hard time nonetheless. I had a neighbor that sounds just like you. She emailed me wondering if he was sick and asked what she could do. I let her know the situation and specific things I needed and she was one of the biggest supporters I had. Now we have" happy hours" and have gotten closer. It is one of the few things I thank cancer for. Reach out to her, if you "get to know her better" you will know what she needs.

I know some time as passed and this is when (I have heard from friends who have suffered a loss) it's nice and comforting to know that others are thinking about you, praying for you. The world goes on for everyone else, so it's nice to get a card or flowers letting them know that what they've been going through has not been forgotten.