How to Response to My 4 Year Old Daughter About Smoking

There are all kind of bad habits. Some people pick their noses (eww! but it is something she would understand), some people bite their nails, those are two you know, right? Well, adults have bad habits too. Some people smoke, some people say bad words, some people drink alcohol. Unfortunately when people start these bad habits it can be very hard for them to stop so the BEST thing is to never start. =)

Since my dad died from lung cancer (from smoking) I have made it very clear to my 5-year old son that it's a very disgusting habit, can make you very sick and that is what killed his grandpa. I feel it's best to be straight with him and not baby him about this issue. Better they know now the consequences of smoking before they get to the age where they might want to experiment.

Some things I think you should just be upfront with kids about and this is one of them!

I agree about being honest about it - the truth isn't something bad for a 4 year old to know. Smoking is a habit someone starts, has a hard time stopping and can be very dangerous for them and the people around them.

As a cancer survivor (Hodgkins lymphoma, not lung cancer), I don't know what caused the cells to grow out of control and threaten my life. But, I do get upset when the people who work in my building sit right in front of it (some in the airlock between doors) and smoke not giving me the chance of whether or not I want to smell it or walk through it.

Our son (3.5) knows that smoking is bad, and that Mommy and Daddy will be very mad if he ever starts. We have a friend who smokes, and when our son sees him doing it (which is a whole different argument), he tells him, "Mr. Collin, if you smoke, you will die".

We've chosen to take an honest approach to answering all of his questions beginning with my diagnosis the day before his second birthday. I don't want to shelter them from life's curveballs because they have affected us so profoundly.

Good luck.

I don't really think this question is surprising at all. Kids learn by observing their world and asking questions about what they see. She saw someone smoking and asked about it. That doesn't mean she wants to try it or anything.
Just answer the question. Give her the words for it. 'They are smoking cigarettes.' It's important to keep things simple at this age. If she asks more questions, then you can get into more detailed answers, but she really may just be asking because it is something she saw that she was not familiar with, and a simple answer will satisfy her.
When it is time for more detailed info, you can tell her that it is something that is not healthy. Tell her that before doctors found out it was unhealthy it was considered cool so people wanted to do it, but then they found it hard to quit. Like when you eat candy you want more and the idea that you can't ever eat it again seems impossible.
As she gets older you can talk to her about addictions. She'll be more able to understand more complex issues then. For now keep it as simple as possible.

People (adults) have all kinds of bad habits - smoking, drinking, over eating, talking bad about each other, getting too much sun, over spending, and on and on and on. Keep it simple. Unfortunatly, sometimes people make bad choices even if they know it's not good for them. Might be kind of like a sickness, since they can't or choose not to stop.

Yay! Another learning moment! Answer here with a tidbit of science and history that will perk her interest to ask you more. Tell her the brain reacts to the stimulous and becomes addicted. Tell her about the history of tobacco. Tell her about cancer. Four is such a great age!

Im so glad you don't smoke...... that would make it a lot more difficult.

i am a smoker so maybe I can help. I would tell her many years ago this was a cool thing to do. they didnt realize at the time they started how bad it was for them. it is something they can't give up easily. when they try they get real cranky. but now we know how bad it is for them but its like giving up(find something she really likes ex candy forever) and that is really really hard to do. explain to her smokers get more wrinkles around the mouth(which is true) they have a hard time breathing, cant run very far. so it is like (pick a sport she likes that requires running) you cant do this sport anymore because you cant run far enough. also tell her it makes thier breath and clothes stink. that they know it but some just cant quit doing it.Now for all the anti smoking critics when I started there was no warning labels on cigarettes or anything. They didn't know at the time it caused lung cancer and yea I have tried to quit 5 times. with no sucsess. and beating us in to the ground isnt going to change the addiction.

you might explain to her (and this is very true) we get picked on for something we can't quit. people are real mean to us for somthing we tried to quit and couldn't. They blame us for everything making them sick etc. and act like we are satin. They never ask if we tried to quit with no sucsess they would just rather be mean to us. they act like we are lowlifes and they are to good for us because we have a habit we havent been able to quit. this gives you a good start and put it more in a 4 yr old perspective.

tell her never to start the habit cause it is addicting and not allowed anywhere. and why would you want to start doing something which isnt allowed anywhere. Why not just avoid it and then she doesnt have to worry about if she gets a cigarette or when will she be allowed to smoke again. tell her we get a taste in our mouth that doesnt go away until we smoke a cigarette. this should answer her question and deter her at the same time

I personally think at this point, it's no different than a little kid noticing there are thin people and round people, tall people and short people, people in wheelchairs or on crutches. I don't think you have anything to worry about as far as the content of her question in that regard.
I think you answered your daughter just fine and likely satisfied any curiousity she has about seeing someone doing something "different".
Believe me, in school, they begin very early teaching about the dangers of smoking, much to some parents' dismay if they smoke themselves.
Busted!

Anyway,
I wouldn't worry about it.

It's nothing shocking, kids ask about everything they notice and since she isn't accustomed to seeing it in her family (yay!) it's natural that she would notice and be curious. There's no special response, tell her what it is. The adults are smoking, it's something not healthy and it's not something to play or imitate. She may ask why people do it if it's not healthy and you may need to tell her that some people do it anyway. It's hard for kids to understand that, so one thing I'll say that you should tell her is that she is a little girl and they are a grownup and it's not her place to tell them how bad smoking is for them. Kids will do that because they can't comprehend that someone will do something bad for them, they think the adult doesn't understand. We had a hard time getting my daughter to stop trying to lecture my husband's stepfather when she was that age.
Good luck

I would be truthful. I would tell her in simple terms that some people get addicted to smoking, that smoking is not good for people's health and therefore people in your family do not smoke. If she wants to know why it's unhealthy tell her.

I'm not surprised at all. Kids in today's world are exposed to stuff much earlier than even when you were that age. She sees ads on TV and posters. She sees people smoking. It's good that she wants to know about it.

I can think of no subject that has to not be discussed on some level. Start with simple answers. If she wants to know more tell her more.

I think you answered it just fine! It is all she really needs to know right now at her age. Just that it's only for grown ups, it isn't healthy and your family does not do it. More detailed explanations can come later when she is older (like causing cancer, people do it due to peer pressure etc). Good job!

I've told my kids smoking is very addictive and people start young and can't stop. It makes your lungs black and you die of cancer later on. My brother smokes, he smells awful and we have to wipe the nicotine off our lips when he kisses us. Thankfully we have this "model" to show my kids how disgusting smoking is. Just tell your daughter the truth about it. It's gross!

I haven't crossed this as a M., but as a first grade teacher, I tell my students that cigarettes are bad for you. We talk about how cigarettes can hurt your lungs - how lungs are usually pink and healthy, but cigarettes make them black, sick, and yucky. Kids are not allowed to smoke and when they are older, it is an adult choice. I choose not to smoke and I hope they too will make this choice, but again, it is an adult choice that they will need to make. As a child, they have a right to say to someone they love that they don't like cigarettes or they wish the person would stop smoking. But just because someone doesn't stop smoking doesn't mean they don't love you.

You be honest. You tell her that people started smoking before we knew all the dangers and that now people are addicted and have a very hard time stopping. You tell her there is nothing good about it - it smells, it's harmful to your health, it costs a lot of money, it turns your finger tips/nails yellow, it causes bad breath, it turns your teeth yellow,etc. and you tell her that it is a habit that she should never start. You also should explain that some people are addicted and may want to stop, but can't so she shouldn't think negatively about people who smoke.

Just tell her it's a bad habit that kills people. If you guys don't smoke, she probably won't smoke. It's natural for a child to ask about that, it would be hard for a 4 year old to NOT see someone smoking at some time.

Tell her the truth - the earlier the better, that way it's engrained in her mind and she will just grow up with the belief/truth that it's simply not good for you. I've told my 7 & 3 year old and will tell my 6 month old when she is ready! The older kids already hate the smell and know it's not good for your health. Kids are smarter than you think :)

My husband is a smoker and it has been difficult. Our son is 4 and our daughter is 2-1/2. Our son has imitated my husband! I do let me son know that it is a bad habit and is not good to do. My husband knows he needs to quit but I know it is hard. He has tried quite a few times over the years and hasn't lasted longer than two weeks.
I think what you told your daughter was appropriate. I also liked Karen M.'s response.

It just shows how times really have changed. We really have removed smoking from most of our public lives, which whether you are a smoker or not, is a good thing. You don't have to go into a lot of detail. It's something that only grownups are allowed to do, and it's very stinky and can make you very sick. Then just go with her questions. Also, if you have extended family that smoke, you may want to be even more cautious. If you see in a few years that she is still really intrigued by it, you may want to give her more information about how dangerous it is then, right now keep things short and simple.

I had something similar and funny happen...at a friend's mother's house, some of the people were smoking outside. No one in our family (mine or husband's smoke) She had never seen this before. About the same age 4....She went right up to one man that was lingering by himself and said, "What are you doing???" HE told her, well I'm smoking and it's not really a good habit. He got a chuckle out of it and then of course I came on the scene and realized it was just something we'd never discussed??? However, that was that and now that she 's in school and they do discuss this as part of health ed.....she's six now and when she sees people on the street smoking she makes little comments like, "they're going to get cancer " and seems very put off by it. Frankly, I have never mentioned "cancer" to her, but told her it wasnt a healthy thing and I didnt like the smell. I do respect people's choices, but I am H. that she doesnt seem to like it. I believe you will be the role model - those people that I know that smoke or used to, since most people quit, have had parents that smoke.

My 4yr old asked me about this recently too. We have a neighbor that smokes and I'm sure she has seen people out and about. I simply tell her the same thing- it's a bad habit and luckily she has responded she thinks it's "stinky." I am an ex-smoker (thank God I quit!) and if she presses for more info the older she gets I will elaborate more on the subject. But for now- I just tell her it's something some adults do and that it's not the best choice.

I don't think you need to sugar coat anything. I'd be honest, in terms that she can understand. Why do they do it? Different people have different reasons. Some like it. Some don't want to do it but they can't stop because their bodies are so used to it that they feel sick if they stop.

I've been very upfront with my kids about my opinion of smoking (negative) and why I feel that way (extremely unhealthy), and what my expectations and hopes are for them (don't do it). As they've gotten older they've formed their own opinions - mainly, they think cigarette smoke stinks.

Good luck finding the right way to communicate your thoughts to your daughter.