So Im a Closet Smoker.

She knows you smoke. She can smell it on you, and besides, you told her.

You're not in the closet.

I knew it!! I so was telling my coworker yesterday, smell that?? That is Molly out smoking!!! :p

Just tell her. I don't like smoke but I wouldn't hold it against someone. That would be irrational.

She already knows. Trust me I can smell it a mile away and you are not fooling her. Maybe her comments are meant to help you want to quit.

Yeah....never "got" the closet smoker thing.
I've met all kinds of moms that "only smoke" when the planets are lined up. (By this I mean when the kids are at Grandmas, when the kids are off playing at someone's house, I've even seen two moms at a bonfire party, hide behind a shed and smoke. Really?)
I *get* not smoking around your kids. I smoke. Outside. By myself.
But if you're smoking a cigarette or two per day, honestly, who cares?
If your friendship hinges on that little fact, then it's not much of a friendship to begin with, is it?

And WHY was it you wanted to maintain a friendship with someone SOOOO dramatically different from you, and who clearly states over and over that she LOATHES people like you?

Believe it or not, the ENTIRE world has not gone COMPLETELY crazy, Molly (though you might think otherwise spending too much time on THIS site). There ARE regular people still withOUT Sensory issues, withOUT irrational intolerances.

Find them and surround yourself with them.

:)

you did tell her... you told her sometimes.

You don't have one in your mouth 24/7, you don't smoke around people who don't like it, you don't smoke around your kids, I'm sure you don't smoke in the shower or hopefully not in bed.

So most of the time you don't smoke... but sometimes you do. :) I would leave it at that.

You did tell her, you are just holding back from doing it in front of her. She is obviously still speaking to you after having knowledge you smoke.

Smoking is an addiction and is one of the toughest ones to fully quit. Most smokers, like myself in the past have quit and started back. I am prego now and can't so, I am fortunate. I get started back when I get together with girl friends for a few drinks, that kind of thing and it develops as a once and a while thing or "social smoking".

Don't beat yourself up, you will quit when your ready. All smokers know it is a nasty habit and isn't healthy. Most of the people that say "just quit" have never been addicted to them.

What got me this time (prior to me getting pregnant) to make it a point to stop, aside from the cost, is fear that my son would see me or smell me.

Take care

You said you do upon occasion - and really why are you allowing Mrs. Judgy to determine your habit? I quit (e-cigs helped) but I still smoke upon occasion in a social situation (bar/party etc) when I feel like it, but I feel no embarassment by it.

She's not your friend if she can't accept you for who your are. She is not perfect -- you are not perfect -- I am not perfect --no one is perfect.

If someone holds something against you -- smoking, drinking, religion ect and can't be your friend because of it -- they were never your friend to begin with.

How soon is 'soon'? Just quit. It's killing you AND affecting your friendships? It's time. Right now. And I promise she can smell it on you. I'm just like her :)
BTW: I am a former smoker too.

I absolutely hate smoking. The smell.. makes me feel ill.

But my bushiness partner and one of my best friends smoked for years..
She would excuse herself and go and smoke.

Sometimes she would be so stressed out, I would ask her, "are you needing a smoke?" She hated to admit it, but she did.

I would tease her by saying, "You are so pretty, until you have a cigarette in your mouth. "

Or, I would remind her, "we are in the floral business, you do not want to end up like those old fat smoking florist we always see at market. They are so cliche" (I am fat)

"Your skin will look so much younger, if you would stop smoking."

And then finally " I guess I will end up having to train 'David's' new wife, when you die of lung cancer.. "

Yes it was all mean.. But she wanted to stop so bad.. She had tried many times.. Finally acupuncture.. a few sessions" and smoking gum.. finally did it.. We were all so proud of her and she was thrilled.

She died earlier this year.. just had turned 48. Different Cancers.. Lung Cancer being the most aggressive.

The last conversation we had the week she died, she teased me about the "New Wife " comment.. She told me to "be nice to her., 'David' deserves to be happy."

So yes, if she is a good friend be honest, tell her the truth, you hate it, but it is just so hard to quit. And you do not smoke around the children.. it will give her the opportunity to then be honest about how she feels about it. The fact that you care about how she will feel, shows you are not proud of this habit.

You are a smoker...own it! Someone close to me "pretends" she doesn't smoke and it aggravates me more than the smoking. Be yourself.

I am a closet smoker too. I'd like to say if she truly is a friend she'd just say "hey, you know how I feel but it's your business." 9 years ago I started my current job - I never did smoke breaks nor do I smoke on my lunch hour as I no longer wanted the judgement associated w/it. I am a wimp so I'd likely stay in the closet!

molly - ya know I love ya. :)

Do you. These are Other People's Issues - so just do you.

Tell her, don't tell her. But whatever way you decide - OWN IT.

I have bad habits, I have good habits. But they're MINE, and frankly I'm too old to care what other people think about them. No free rent in my head!

I would tell her, and then quit. I mean, unless getting cancer and dying early is you intention, what's the point?? And, why hide it?

If she is that sensitive to smoke (I know I am) I bet she already assumes. I literally can't be friends with people who smoke. (NOT, because I judge their smoking! Because, I can't physically be around them. :( It sits in their hair, seeps in their skin, their shoes, their clothes. I can ALWAYS smell it, and I always feel very ill afterward. (I sometimes wonder if I'm a little allergic...if that's even possible.) Also...it DOES affect your children, even if you don't smoke around them. Smoke is always on you when you've finished. You track it into your house and it seeps into all your fabrics, walls, and carpet. Their lungs are second hand smoking. Just quit.

hey Molly,

as a former smoker, i can be very sensitive to the odors related to it as well. additionally, as a former smoker, i can tell you that quitting was one of the hardest things i ever did. if i were her, i would appreciate your candor. more importantly, i wouldn't mind at all if you smoked, i would just not want you to do so around me or my kid. you are a grown woman and it is not up to me to dictate your decisions. :-)!! hope this helps. S.

You can't really be a closet smoker if she can smell it. However, if she cannot help herself and goes on "rampages" every time she smells it on you, then I would find another bus stop friend.

I am a smoker. (I wouldn't dare smoke in a closet--I really would reek of smoke then :)) I have tried to quit, I don't know how many times. I know, though, that I will quit at some point. And that point will not be because someone tore me down because of my smoking. Tough love does not help--especially if non-smokers are emphasizing the tough part and leaving out the love.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. If she is really a friend she will accept you, smoking and all. I am sure she has something in her closet that she doesn't want brought to light. Who doesn't?

:(

I vote for giving up the bad habit... signed a former smoker.

I would tell her. As long as you don't do it around her or her kids, it shouldn't make a difference. If it does, she is not a person who practices tolerance and acceptance and that would not be someone I would want as a friend.

Probably. I hate secrets and you'll be anxious anytime you go out to smoke now. If you just come clean, she'd probably be really gracious about it and then won't make comments that make you feel uncomfortable.

If you two are friends, it won't matter and it shouldn't. Respect her and don't do it around her and I am sure she will respect you for not "hiding" who you truly are.

She knows you are a smoker unless you make sure you shower and change your clothes before you see her. My old babysitter, while I never saw her smoke and she never spoke to me of it, is a smoker. We non-smokers can smell it a mile away (especially those of us who grew up with a parent who smokes--can't get that smell out of my brain.)

She knows, but is choosing to not direct her anti-smoking comments at you. She still wants to be your friend.

She knows you smoke. Bring it out in the open by talking with her about it so that you can stop feeling like you have to hide it and be anxious about her finding out.

Just quit! And, you may think you're in the closet, but most non-smokers can smell you a mile away--just like you said. Just quit:)

Actually, you already did tell her. You told her sometimes. But, besides that, I too am a closet smoker. I quit for about 2 years and then had a miscarriage and started again. I kick myself all the time for starting again, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I really only smoke when I'm by myself or with my husband or a few friends who also smoke. I NEVER smoke with my children around as I believe they shouldn't have to be around MY bad habit. My parents and my coworkers don't have any idea that I started back up. There are others in the office that smoke so they don't even notice that I smell funny after lunch - they think it's just the other people. If they have noticed, nobody has said anything and they aren't the type to keep quiet. LOL!

My point is, if you like to smoke occasionally when you're alone and don't want to talk about it, just keep it up like you are. You already told her you smoke sometimes - you aren't keeping it a secret, you just aren't doing it around her which since she hates the smell, is really just being respectful of her not wanting to be around it. :)

Have you considered an e-cig? No stinky smells and carcinogens. Then when she asks if you smoke, you can say "No", and not feel like you're hiding something. It's like having your cake and eating it too.