How to Respond When People Call a 9 Week Old "Fat."

I would react as though they just complimented me. My daughter was under weight for three months...but then took off. When her legs got real chubby I was so thrilled when people would comment about them...even if they didn't mean it as a compliment! In fact...a lot of people LOVE chubby babies so they might be stating it not thinking it is insulting. I wouldn't get upset because you know he is healthy and that is all that matters....a year from now he will probably look like every other baby his age.

"Yes, my doctor is ecstatic of how well I've breastfed him, he never has any concerns!"
Good for you:) And don't let people get to you, I met a 3-month-old who weighed 24 pounds and was LOOOOOOOOOONG, even her pedi. wasn't worried!

I feel your pain! All three of my babies were born bigger than average at 8lbs 5ozs, 8lbs 14ozs and 9lbs 10ozs. All three have been in the 97th percentile and up for weight and height! Perfectly proportionate!

We recently had a WIC appointment where they commented that my nearly 4yr old was on the cusp of being overweight and wanted to enroll her in a weight control program!! I was pretty enraged but kept my calm and reassured them it was winter weight and she'd lose it when she could go outside more. I'm not sure what they use to make these determinations but maybe it should be reviewed. It's unfortunate that our society is so concerned with physical appearances that we're willing to saddle young children and their parents with negative opinions on weight! Do 4yr olds really need to hear that someone thinks they're fat? This is why our sons and daughters grow up with body issues and why some develop eating disorders! Does a parent of a healthy baby need to hear rude people's opinions on their child's weight? Ever hear of baby fat? Children need this extra weight to help them grow! Nearly every child loses this 'baby fat'.

Try to let it roll off your back but if you feel something needs to be said, say it! You've received many good suggestions on polite and not-so-polite comments. Use what feels right and remember, you're raising a healthy baby boy and you should be very proud that the food YOU provide is making each and every one of those cute little rolls to help him grow healthy and strong. Great job!!

Hi N.,
I just had to respond to your post because I had the same issue when my little boy was that age. (He is now 2) I remember specifically being in the grocery store with Matthew at around 9-10 weeks when this elderly stranger walked up to me and said..."Oh my goodness! How much does he weigh???" (She acted like she was disgusted!) Like it was any of her business, I kindly said, "he's perfectly healthy" and walked away. I have to say I was very upset for the rest of the day! I tried not to let it bother me, but truthfully it really did. Why would a stranger walk up to me in the first place and make such a remark? I would never do that to anyone else, so why would they do that to me? Who knows... Anyways, it has been two years now and Matt is still perfectly healthy and his pediatrician says he's right on track. I still look back at those days and wonder why people seem to think it's their business to ask nosey questions. When we have baby #2 and if this happens again, I will be prepared next time for a return comment. I have grown to tell people how it is. It's rude to make such comments and I plan to let the person know it too! I will absolutely tell them it's ridiculously rude to pry and make "fat" comments on precious little babies. Next time, tell them to mind their own business! Good luck N.! We're in this together girl! :) D.

I, for one, love a "fat" baby! Both of my girls are on the top end of the height/weight scale and have always been. More to love, I think. I view it as a compliment. This is the only time in their life when being "fat" is healthy and cute, revel in your ability to provide the food for him that clearly meets his needs!

I have a small baby (13 months old and only 19lbs and 28in). So people are always asking me why is she so small. It gets old fast, doesn't it? People are rude, and they don't realize how much their comments can hurt us. I just say she is perfectly healthy and she is just going to be a small person, that's all. If I were you I would just say something like "a big baby is a healthy baby". Or "yeah, he's our little chunk". Trust me, no matter what you say, it never ends. As they get older people start to comment on different things. Like if they act out in public, people will comment. Once I forgot to put a hat on my daughter and everyone at church said "that baby should be wearing a hat" (it was slightly cold out) and they all looked at me like I was a terrible mother because she didn't have a hat on! For me, one of the hardest parts of being a new mother was putting up with everyone's comments, suggestions and questions. It's kinda like when you are pregnant, and all of a sudden people think it is ok to rub your belly, or ask you about weather you are going to breastfeed. Your belly and breasts would normally never be anyone's business but your own! I guess it is something we just have to get used to. Hard as it may be, try to learn to let it roll off your back. Smile, give a short polite answer and forget about it. Good luck and congrats on being a new mommy. It's a crazy ride, isn't it? Enjoy every minute, he will be a year old before you know it!

I was in your exact same situation. I would smile, look people in the eye and say "yes he is, isn't it wonderful!"

Hi N. ignore your family and who ever says your baby is fat just know that you and your husband are taking 'good care' of your little fella. My babies were 8lbs 3oz, 8 lbs 9 oz, and 7 lbs 14 oz everyone remarked they were to fat who cares they are healthy. Not over weight and now they are grown and they are perfect weight not overweight at all. When your little one starts to crawl and walk he will loose his baby 'fat' and they can growl that he is to skinny :-)

I have to admit you have a larger than what is considered "normal" 9 week old! What did he weigh at birth?My first baby was 5lbs and 10 oza and my second was 4 lbs 8 ozs (but his cord weighed 2 and half pounds and was sent to Mayo's for study). My youngest only weighed 6 lbs 8 ozs.
Society today is hard for me to understand. Most children at his age aren't that large and people don't stop to ask how old he is before making a remark. I know you would prefer to have people say "What a large, healthy, baby you have!" Unfortunately we don't train our children to be polite and think about how something sounds coming out of their mouths, thus you get what you are hearing.

Actually the word "fat" has several meanings which are:
having superflouous flesh or fat, obese; plump; containing much fat or oil; rich or fertile.

What you are hearing is: obese, containing much fat or oil.
What you could not be hearing, but what might be meant is:
plump, rich and fertile; which is not insulting at all.

I would make the following response in the future instead of being offended: "Yes, and his physician and we are so glad he is so healthy and doing so well."

Sort of take the sting out and think of the meaning the meaning plump, rich and fertile and let yourself rejoice in his health and growth!

Oh lord, people are idiots and don't think about what they are saying. Yes you have a big guy there, but let me tell you my friend who has tiny babies (15 months and 18 pounds) get the same ridiculous comments.

You could either ignore it, but you sound past that or say how much it bothers you. I guess it depends on if it is Joe Shmo in the grocery store or someone you see a lot. If you do see the person often, mention calmly that the ped thinks he is growing great and you are happy to have a good eater. Hopefully they will get the point. If not, be a little firmer.

I understand feeling defensive (I would probably attack anyone who insulted my baby boy!), but I hope you don't let this get to you. People seem to think that a baby is community property and commenting on its upbringing is somehow helpful. For example, I struggled with breast-milk supply issues from the moment my son was born. They kept me in the hospital an extra day with a consultant to try to figure out the problem, but after dealing many different doctors, I was forced to supplement with formula to make sure my baby got enough food, and my supply has continued to dwindle even as he has grown and demanded more. People (sometimes complete strangers!) compound my feelings of inadequacy by informing me that "breast is best," and telling me all the ways I am harming my son. I still have guilt, but I also have anger. After all, who do these people think they are? But if I dwell on it for too long, I'll feel bad in all sorts of ways.

I think there are a couple ways of approaching this. If you want to let the person know that you're offended, a very calm, "Yes, he's pretty big," said without a smile, as though you're stating the obvious and have said it many times before, may do the trick. If you would like to be more direct, saying, "Excuse me, did you just call my child fat?" followed by direct eye contact should take care of the problem. If you don't feel like being that abrupt, I would pretend the comment is a compliment and respond with something like, "Thank you! Isn't he beautiful?" or "Thank you! Our doctor is so pleased that he is such a healthy boy!"

Hey N.,

Compared to my son, yours is skinny. :) At 9 weeks old, my son was exclusively breastfed and was 15lbs 14oz and only 24 and 1/4 inches. Now he is a lean (and quickly thinning) and super intelligent 20 month old. You are providing such great and important fat nutrients for your baby's brain. And once he starts toddling around, he will not have time to stop to eat--but you'll have provided a great foundation for him. Yay you! You are a great mom! Keep up the excellent work!

I can totally relate to everything that you mentioned. In fact, a complete stranger shouted to me as he cross the produce section of the grocery and came to tell me how big my son was. My m-i-l told me that I was making my son unhealthy and that I was going to cause him to have a heart attack. And everyone else (and their brother) had a comment about/for me. On occassion, I worried that these people were right. And sometimes their comments kept me up at night. But, in the end, I'm the winner. My son is incredibly healthy and smart. And I am proud of the choices that my husband and I have made for him.

You may know this already, but breastfed babies are typically bigger than formula fed babies. This trend goes on until they are about 9-12 months (I believe). If you haven't considered it already, you might want to go to a breastfeeding support group. The Elizabeth Blackwell Center has a great one as well as some great lactation and parent consultants. There you can feel more "normal" and not feel the need to defend your child's body.

As far as responses go, if you can, try to rest in the knowledge that you are a totally wonderful mother--that you are doing what you know is right for your child. People are going to say things about your child (good and bad), and it hurts, but there is nothing you can do about it. They may or may not change their comments/opinion based on your response. And chances are if they are rude enough to say something, your response isn't really going to change or stop them. For close friends/family, just be honest and tell them that it hurts and ask them not to say anything more. Or you can tell them the pediatrician says it is healthy and normal. Or you can tell them the facts about breastfed babies. Or you can tell them the information about the importance of fat in the development of an infant's brain. Or you can tell them to go fly a kite. hahahaha

Anyway, good luck with mommyhood. Feel free to contact me if you need any other information or if you need a pep talk.

Hi N.,
I feel your pain. My son was exclusively breast fed too. The key here is to realize your child is happier, smarter, healthier, and yes, larger than babies on formula. Every time someone would say something about my son's size, I decided to take it as a compliment because it was all thanks to my choice to breast feed and that extra weight will not stay on. I learned to smile and just say, "Thank you for noticing, that's because he is 100% breast fed." They usually wouldn't say much after that. People that are really well-informed realize that all those rolls will disappear as soon as they start walking. If the baby is that big on formula, that is a different story and that's why people are concerned when they see big babies.

My son is now 14 years old and is normal weight, straight A student and has a great Brad Pitt like jaw-line. (Another benefit of being breast fed and genetics mixed!)
Just remember you are doing the best thing you can for your baby! By the way, I breast fed till he was 3 years old. Later when it was clear his intelligence was above normal, the first thing the doctors and teachers asked was, "Did you breast feed?" That makes all those times when someone said, "Boy you have a fat baby!" so worth it! Be proud and stick with it!

Congrats on a healthy breastfed baby!! My oldest "fat" exclusively breastfed infant is now 10 years old and thin and healthy as can be, (in fact, finding pants that are long enough and narrow enough at the waist is sometimes a challenge!), and above average intelligence. Same for the rest of my kiddos - you ARE NOT causing health problems - you are actually now preventing them with your breastmilk!! Babies fed at the breast cannot over eat. Your doctor's confirmation of his growth being just fine can be your response to those crazy people who feel they are experts on child development - breastfed babies have different growth patterns than formula fed. So enjoy your healthy little guy and laugh to yourself (or out loud) when those folks make themselves look foolish with their comments!! Let them know he is a healthy, breastfed, perfectly sized bundle of joy!!

I also had big babies. Good response - "Yep, his doctor says he's just as healthy as a baby can be and we are so thankful!"

People are, frankly, uneducated. A baby should have fat! This is normal and healthy and the way it should be. Toddlers and preschoolers and older kids and adults should not have excess fat. Babies should. I know one gets weary always spewing out facts but I think this is how you need to respond to people. It is proven that babies with adequate fat grow up to be a healthy weight or at least a large percentage. Ask your pediatrician. I am sure this will be confirmed.

I agree with most of the respones you have, first get comment on things they shouldn't all the time when it comes to young children. Second I like the depends on who it is comment - if it's someone you interact with alot, come up with a standard you are comfortable with and use it "Yes,he grows out of his clothes so fast but the doctor says he's doing wonderful" and for those that are strangers and just plain being nosy find a come back not so explanatory like "Yes, we are trying to raise the next great offensive line backer" and let them stew on it.

I understand what your going through. Both my boys were at or above the 90th percentile for weight and height and I also breastfeed both boys. If its a family member thats offending you just tell them that the doc said that he is correctly proportional for his height. I had a sister-in-law who's son is six months older than my younger son. And compared to my son he is nothing but skin and bones. Now they are having problems because their ped is seriously concerned about his nutrition and lack of eating. He has not grown much in the past year and has only gained 1-2 pounds. At least if God forbid your son would get sick the extra weight will help him fight it a little easier. If a stranger says something just tell them that the doc says he's perfectly healthy. Doctors are not too concerned with weight and neither should you be until your child is almost 2. A got extremely offended when someone at preschool said that 40 pounds is too heavy for a 2 year old. At 2 my son is again at 95th for height and 90th for weight. I told her to look at my son and tell me he's fat. She did and agreed that he wasn't in fact he is perfectly proportional for his size. She was shocked to learn one that he was only 2 and secondly that he weighed over 40 pounds. My two year old is as tall as the average 5 year old. So don't worry and let the ignorant people be.

Tell people proudly, "my son is such a good nurser!"

I hope you can let it roll off your back, because you are doing a great job for your son, and your doctor is not concerned, so just let people say what they will. It might be a good opportunity to inform people about the wonders of breastfeeding!

I know my babe's cheeks were and are v. chubby, and that is because of all the breastfeeding. It's a great thing. Take care and congrats for having such a healthy baby!

Or you could respond something along the lines of
"Well thank you. I must be producing only creme!" The best thing for you to do is keep the humor. It only gets worse. It could be worse. AT least they aren't call him a her.
R.

N.,

I'm with you! My baby, who was healthy and also exclusively breastfed, had similar comments. But, get this, he was 90% for height and 60% for weight, and the checkout clerk at Babies R Us exclaimed, "What a fat baby!" and definitely *not* in the "ooh, so cute" tone of voice. I emphatically told her that he was NOT fat, and that breastfed babies may give the impression of fatness, but in fact they are healthier than their formula-fed peers. She didn't even apologize.

All I can say is congratulations for your healthy baby, breastfeeding, and finding a polite way to endure strangers' offbase comments!

Best wishes,
K.

Hey N.!
I bet your little guy is as cute as can be. He sure does sound like it to me anyways! I know it's hard not to get mad at these people but I would just laugh it off and say "I know isn't just too cute and squishy!" Two of mine (also exclusively breastfed) were very squishable! Well, the one still is (she's just 3 months and just about 20 pounds). Plus cloth diapers make them look even more so and I just love it! Don't sweat it though, I always get weird responses and faces when I tell people my kids names. I just chuckle to myself.

Hi N.! My mother-in-law told my husband that my boys were too fat. I know how you feel. At least they tell you to your face my m-i-l tells my husband. I think as long as the Dr. says your baby is fine just look at those people and tell them your baby is healthy and the Dr. says that he is fine. Hope things get better.