My youngest is such a sweet girl but seems so hard on herself. For instance, if she writes a letter backwards or makes any little mistake like that, she gets SO upset. Not in a tantrum way but cries. I was trying to ask her why it upset her so much (we don't push her academically at all. She's just 5...) She couldn't really say so I tried asking things and when I asked if she thinks it makes her a bad girl when she makes a mistake, she said yes and cried harder. I hope I didn't put words in her mouth or thoughts in her head but I suspect that's somewhat what it is. She wants to be so good. I explained as I have in the past that we all make mistakes, I make mistakes, Daddy makes mistakes (all the time LOL) but I'm not sure if there's more I can do. I asked her if she thinks I'm a bad mommy. She said no. I said but I make mistakes. Doesn't that make me a bad mommy? She said no and that seemed to help but any other suggestions? Will she outgrow this somewhat?
EDIT: yes, I did tell her she wrote it backwards... I hesistate to EVER correct her and many times let things go but at the same time, I can't shelter her forever and she has to learn the correct way to do things - where this is a correct way. I'm not "correcting" her drawings or anything like that. And like I said, sometimes I do let mistakes go, probably more often than not, but I'm not sure that's doing her any favors in the long run.
My 2nd daughter is like that!! She's slooowly growing out of it. Keep up with positive reinforcement. She'll get there :) Writing letters backwards (or capitalized when they shouldn't be) is age appropriate right now :)
My Daughter was like that.
"Perfectionist" kids, can sometimes be that way.
They grow out of it.
My Daughter did.
It is also their age.
They want to do things, but yet cannot always do it as their minds, want to.
Its okay.
Its a learning process.
Just instill in her, the "fun" about things and processes.
Instill, that "trying your best"... is GOOD.
Instill in her, to always be Herself.
Instill in her, her own sense of self and interests.
Instill in her, that everyone is different. That is what makes the world great.
Instill in her, that she is HER and special. As long as she is trying her best... that is a good thing.
Instill in her, that EVERYONE is learning. Even adults. Still. That is what learning is. It is a "process."
Instill in her, to look at 'mistakes' as another way to look at things... that it is wonderful too. Even great artists and Scholars, makes mistakes. THAT is how, great Inventors create things and new ideas.
Instill in her, that there are MANY MANY MANY different ways, to do something. And even SHE can think of DIFFERENT ways, to do something. It shows, that she CAN think, creatively.
Please read this great article on how or how not to talk to kids, so that they do their best:
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
Instill in her, that "practicing" something, is how we ALL, learn. And get good at things.
all the best,
Susan
Assure her that the only "bad" thing is not trying her best.
How does she know she wrote the letter backwards? Did you tell her it was backwards?
You could also mention, lightly, that trying again and again is how people figure things out. Tell her the story of how the "Model T" Ford was the first one that Henry Ford could sell (b/c A through S didn't work out--as the story goes).
I will be interested in the answers you get. I have a 6 year old boy that is the same way. It does seem to have gotten a little better since he started kindergarten, but he still beats himself up and calls himself stupid. He is an excellent student and is reading and adding/subtracting very well already. This drives us crazy and we are looking at ways to discourage him from putting himself down. I just find it hard to punish him more since he already is so down on himself. I was actually like this growing up too, but I didn't have a lot of self confidence and I want to instill in him that he is a smart boy and it is OK to make mistakes and you cannot always be perfect. I wonder if it is a genetic trait? Anyway, just wanted you to know you are not alone:-)
i think it's ok to correct her. She can learn to handle correction. Let her see that it isn't the end of the world. Just like you're already doing, it doesn't mean that she's bad or that you love her any less. Be concious to swap words like "wrong" for "incorrect."
One thing I'm learning is not to tell my children how smart they are. I'm trying to remember to tell them how hard they must've worked or how proud I am for them working so hard at something. That way no pressure to be brilliant, just to keep working and trying. And no fear of failing, just encouragement to keep working at it. I was told I was smart all my life and it made me feel like a huge fraud and failure because I wasn't as smart as everyone thought I was. I had a lot of tearful fits when something didn't come easy to me.
My son had a meltdown last week because his sister picked up hitting the t-ball much faster than he did. He said shes better at it than me, gave up and went to do something else. I said she's not better at it, she just kept trying longer than you did. So, he went back outside and kept at it until he knocked it over the fence!
Some little ones are just more sensitive and hard on themselves. Keep doing what you are doing by talking about how we all make mistakes and it helps us to learn and grow. So many great inventions and new innovations happen through trial and error!! (That is how we become better mamas too!!)
I know that my kids went through a little of this as they entered Kindergarten and they started comparing themselves to others...because testing starts and pressure to do well on tests.
Maybe check out some children's books at the library under this subject. Good luck!
I have a son like your daughter and the least itsy bit of thing that doesn't go "right" upsets him. For instance if he was writing his letters on a piece of paper and his little brother happen to scribble on it, all of a sudden the paper is not "perfect" to write on anymore and he gets upset and wants another clean piece to start ALL over on. It's an anxiety and/or perfectionist attitude and though nothing is wrong with wanting it to be just right, you should continue to encourage her that it is ok and not the end of the world.
If your daughter is like my son, she likes to be organized and anything out of "order" in her little world is unacceptable. So it's not really a bad thing that she gets upset, you just have to let her know there is balance and help her control her actions.
When my son gets upset, I simply tell him "If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again". I also tell him it is OK and THEN don't dwell on the mistake or make a big deal out of it, just help him get it the right the way he wants it in his mind. He usually smiles after he has a chance to do it over again. I believe it will pass or improve if you encourage the good side of that behavior and teach a lesson that not all failure is defeat.
