How to Help--addiction and Denial

Updated on November 10, 2011
☆.A. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
4 answers

So...we did some cat sitting for my neighbors while they (man/wife) went to visit his sister, BIL & neice for about 10 days. Across the country. Their vacation quickly turned into a nightmare when the BIL holed up at a crack motel for 3 days and burned through about $1200 from their bank account.
Obviously, this guy has an addiction issue.
My neighbor went to the motel and physically brought him home. He slept for the next 3 days.

Before this, he had been in A/A with a sponsor for about 3 years in another state.
They've been in the new state about 9 mos. No program, no sponsor.
His wife is at the stage where she thinks she can "keep an eye on him" and keep him from using/drinking.
He has been dx'd as bipolar. Refuses lithium and sporadically takes his Zoloft.
My neighbors want to help, but they're now home--across the country.
I suggested that they urge her to attend some Alanon meetings and she urge him to get back into a program asap.
The woman is still in denial about her husband's addiction. That's obvious and no one can "make" him (or her) do anything.

Now, I know this will probably get worse before it gets better. I know he needs to want help before anything can be improved.
They have no health insurance.
Any suggestions?
Thanks in advance!

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So What Happened?

Christine--I realize that. I wonder if she will as well. I already told her that it most likely will get a LOT worse before it gets better. Just hard to watch. I've "been there, done that" too--several family members. Just thinking if she at least attends Alanon she will see his behavior and lies for what they are....?

More Answers

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

check with the state and call some therapists. They may be able to refer to someone who will take a reduced rate. There are lots of drugs (other than lithium) that may be helpful for the bi-polar disorder. In recent years newer drugs have come out with less side affects, but you said it yourself "The woman is still in denial about her husband's addiction. That's obvious and no O. can "make" him (or her) do anything." All you can do is offer the information.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Been there, done that. No O. can help him until he decides that he wants to stay sober more thanhe wants anything else in the world. Unless that happens, she's better off cutting him loose. I had to do it myself, and it was the hardest thing I ever did, but also the only way to maintain my own sanity.

2 moms found this helpful

R.A.

answers from Providence on

Oh, man, This man is dealt with a double blow. A dual diagnosis of being an addict and having a mental illness is not an easy thing to work through. Especially if neither his wife or him are being responsible and responsive at getting him in some kind of treatment. As far as health insurance goes, I know that their are resources out their for people who are struggling like this. However, you cannot help someone who doesn't want it, or someone who is in denial about their loved O.( keep that in mind) The only suggestion is to contact your local Department of Mental Health for information or suggestions on how to pursue. however, since it isn't effecting you personally you may not get very far considering all the HIPPA laws out now. Someone who is bipolar, and using, and off medication ( or takes sporadically) is asking for trouble. It is any day where they wind up totally out of control, and someone gets hurt. The wife should really consider putting him in the hospital for an evaluation, and possible hospitalization for stabilizing him on medication, as well as going through detox/rehab. It's a very sad situation, and your are a wonderful person to offer help and suggestions.

2 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

As sad as this situation is - you nor anyone else can help him until HE WANTS to get clean and sober.

If he does something stupid again - like burn through $1200 in 3 days on crack - she might be able to get a psych hold on him and get him into a state sponsored 30 day in-house treatment program.

Doing this would mean that she needs to accept and acknowledge that he has a problem - not sure if what it will take for her to acknowledge that.

If he can blow through $1200 - sounds like they can afford private health insurance....BC/BS private for a family of 4 is $483 a month in VA...I'm sure there are a lot of state run programs in California (assuming they live in CA)....have her look into the state health programs they have.

She needs to attend meetings - again - if she is in denial - she won't see the use in going. Someone may have to trick her into a meeting - not always the wisest thing to do - but it might give her that light bulb moment that she needs. If not, she'll have to wait until he hits rock bottom, goes through all of their money and they lose it all....that might be what it takes for her to recognize the problem is serious!!!

Sorry!!! Wish I could give better news.

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