How to Help a Friend Get over a Serious Relationship

Updated on December 29, 2010
K.B. asks from West Jordan, UT
4 answers

A friend of mine (she is actually our tenant) is really having a difficult time realizing that the relationship w/her boyfriend/fiance' that has been in her life for 2.5 yrs is over. He stood her up at "the alter" in June 2010 but it still didn't sink in until just this week. There have been a lot of things she has realized over the past 6 mos about this guy. My husband and I have both been there for a listening ear throughout this break-up because she was going to move out this past Summer. Due to a marriage that never happened, she stayed here and I know we've been a support system for her. I think a hard part is he had a daughter as well that she became really attached to and she bought her Christmas gifts this year and put together a photo album because she is into photography. Not anything for him but his house key and she mailed them (even though they live local). I'm kind of sick of hearing the drama-I have to be honest- and she needs to move on and take care of herself and find someone new. However, I don't want her to get in a rebound relationship either because she really is at a point in her life where she is ready to settle down and get married. She is a good catch for someone but really struggles w/self-esteem issues (especially after all this). What more can I do or what have you done to get over past relationships?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Is there any way you two can take a cooking class together? I could have written this nearly verbatum of my best friend (in texas) except he at least called it off before the wedding could take place. She got involved in a local church and started taking cooking classes and singing lessons. She had to do this on her own but I would have figured out how to be there with her if I were still in Tx with her. I suggest going with her b/c it will still show you support her but also support her moving on. Helping her to get going with new things and activities to boost her self esteem and to show her there is more to life than finding a husband she will be over the greiving process and onto Mr RIGHT not Mr Right NOW in a year or so. It does take time and if you are willing to be the friend to help pull her out this may be a good step in the right direction.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.D.

answers from Las Vegas on

What has helped me get over having my heart broken is the support of my girlfriends and keeping myself active with activities that are just for fun, not about picking up or meeting men. Now is a good time for her to start trying out some pursuits that she has always put off because there has been a man in her life, like art or hiking or learning a foreign language. If she gets on with the business of living her life, then eventually she will meet someone who is more suitable for her and hopefully shares some of her same interests. But it does take time to get over a relationship when you were the dumpee, not the dumper.

I'm not a big fan of Dr. Laura but her 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives actually offers some really good advise. Also, the book, He's Really Not That Into You is something that I should have read way back when, before I met my husband. Maybe you can find a way to gently mention the books to her during one of your conversations, it will perk her interest and she'll go out and buy them.

Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

D.M.

answers from Denver on

There is a time at which it's appropriate to suggest she see a counselor. It sounds like she has worn you out. So it's that time.

Good luck to you and to her.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.R.

answers from Glens Falls on

I'm not sure what stage of break up she is in, but if she is still dwelling on thoughts of him and that's keeping her from getting on with life, she needs to stop the thoughts as soon as they start. Seriously, when she realizes that she is thinking about him, about their future, about the way he walks, about his touch, any time those thoughts come into her head, she needs to tell herself - No, I'm not thinking of that...and then go vacuum or clean out the fridge or paint a room. She needs to retrain her mind. Sorry to say it, but she needs to do this about the little girl, too. If she can do this for a couple of months, her perspective will be totally different. Right now, when she's putting together Christmas gifts 6 months after he left her at the altar, she's holding on to a fantasy that her mind is making better all the time. Push the thoughts away. Then sign up for eharmony or match.com - this works. She'll be married within 2 to 3 years.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions