How to Handle 2 Under 2 Alone?

My boys are now 2 and a half and one and a half, they are exactly one year and two weeks apart. When my second son was born my husband worked 4 days on and 4 days off. Although I had him there for 4 days straight, for 4 days I was alone. You just get through it, with my older child I made it a fun game with him. I would ask him to get the bottle out of the fridge or get me a diaper. The worse part of it was going out, my only advise is go out when it can't be avoided. That was the worst for me, at least at home my second could hang out in the swing or bouncy seat. Also the other thing I did different was my second child stayed in my room much longer than my first one. I wanted him closer so he wouldn't wake up the other one. By the time my second child came my first one was sleeping through the night. Don't worry to much about it, I did and there wasn't much to worry about.

What about hiring a mother's helper, usually a young teen, to come over for an hour or two just to play with your older child but with you still in the house. My 12-year-old daughter has done this and gets $5 per hour, much cheaper than a regular babysitter.

J. (-:

Let me tell you that it can be done. My girls were 10 1/2 mos apart. I lived several states away from my family and friends. I didn't have the support that slot of women seem to have. I learned thats why we have 2 hips. I suggest that you stockpile as many of the baby supplies as possible. That way you cut down on the amount of outtings that you'll have to make. You could also premake as many meals as possble and freeze them. The first year will be a blur but you'll be stronger afterwards. My daughters are now both 12 and are happy and excelling in very aspect of life. Good luck and enjoy.

Dear J. -

I know your situation very well - Back in 1982 I had a 19mo old when I found out I was pregnant with twins - so when the twins were born I had 3 under the age of three! - Where I live is 4 hours from any family of my own and my husband's family was such that I didn't want to rely on them. Don't worry about being able to be up to the task - you have had plenty of practice and training with your first and will probably be more relaxed - once the baby is older they will be following the older sister around - being alone is the hardest - I joined a food coop where most of the women were in a similar situation - small children at home - I also joined the La Leche League - a support group for nursing mothers - both of these groups provided moral support and a place to vent and laugh at myself - if there are any groups near you that you can be a part of and tow the kids with you it is a big help because it makes you get out of the house and you do not feel so alone - you will find that you also have an automatic pilot that gets you thru a lot - keep remembering it is only temporary - they grow up very fast and they will be leading you on a wonderful adventure

L.

I have 2 boys 14 months apart and came down with post partum about 6 months after my second son. I was so scared, but finally went to the doctors and have been good since then. It's not that bad. Everything kind of falls into place. They both will nap, the newborn more that the older one of course. Make sure you nap too. Feedings will start to coincide with normal routines so you can have them both in the kitchen at the same time. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready, something is always bound to happen. Whether the baby spits up or someone has a stinly diaper. Make sure you can get out of the house with the 2 of them, there is nothing worse that being house bound. Even just to walk around at the mall or something. Just remember what its all about. Have fun with them...they grow up so fast. Feel free to e-mail me with more specific questions. I can't think right now. :) Good luck.

S.

J.

Check out your local churches...sometimes they have homeschoolers who have older children that maybe available to come and help you out. Also have you checked into a MOM'S CLUB it is a national organization that is usually available in most areas. Both should be welcoming and love children and more than willing to offer a hand.

I have two kids under two (19 mons and 5 mons) but I don't do it alone. As a matter of fact, my husband has the brunt of the work as he stays home with them all day. I highly recommend having a ton of food precooked in the freezer for yourself. I think the best thing to remember is to pace yourself. I know that I would get myself a bit worked up when my day wouldn't go as planned - but when I took a moment to step back I realized that it wasn't as big of a deal as I had thought. Learn to live with the fact that your house may be messy. Try not to get too stressed out if either of the kids start to cry. Murphy's law dictates that if you're changing the older child's diaper, the younger one will cry as if it's the end of the world.... it's probably not - just breathe and do the best you can. Being the one at home is the hardest job in the world, but it's a blessing for your kids to have you there for them. Take any help you can - no matter how infrequent - during the first 4 months, that way you can take care of yourself too. I wish you all the best.
- H.

My girls are 15 mo apart (now just turned 3 and almost 2. I had the same fears.. how inthe world am I going to handle everything? I ama stay at home mom with a husband who travels (a lot).. and no family near by. (We live in MA, with my family in CA and his in England.. he's english).. I"m not going to pretend like it's been nothing but roses, there have been some major challenges (my youngest had some stomach problems which led to 1-2 hours of screaming each night).. but you get through it. I found it came in waves. it was hard when i first came home from the hospital. My older one didn't know what the heck was going on and why i suddenly couldn't pick her up anymore.. but within a week or two, she got over it. She found her independance and has actually become a great help to me. and within a few months it became nice and easy. My older one who occupy my younger one by just being near her.. then of course a few months later, back to challenges.. the younger one wanted to do what the older did (but of course can't) which led to frustrations...

my point is, there will be some really great moments and moments where you wonder why the heck you didn't wait another year =) But look at me now, i'm almost done ith diapers completely.. my kids play great together .. they are really close 9they have their moments, but you can see there is a real friendship between them). You'll find what routines work best for you and your kids and you'll get on with it and do great!! =) Good luck..

My advice is to make good use of your friends offers to help. Take advantage of the offers!! If no friends are nearby maybe check out local support groups so after the baby is born you will be able to get out with other moms in your situation.
If you are in Maine ( I am!) email me ____@____.com
and we could get together. I have a 3year old and a 6 year old and am well versed in kiddie chaos!
Best to you!
S.

Hi J.. I know this situation all too well. My son just turned 2 and my daughter will be one next week! My husband works 90+ hours a week so we can keep up with our bills etc... so I feel like a single Mom. What helped me the most when my youngest was born was gym mats and all the great new chairs and seats they have out like the Bumbo. I have a gate in their room and the living room so my 14 months old @ the time could roam around and play and still interact with the newborn. At meal times I would make sure the baby sat with us in the dining room in her chair so it became a habit early on and it helped me greatly!! She adjusted easily. My kids have always shared a room and I believe that has helped them learn to play together and that bond is priceless.

It's normal to worry and have these nervous feelings. When I first became pregnant with my oldest I was worried about how I would change stinky diapers and handle getting up in the middle of the night etc... but when he was born it just comes natural. Well, it's the same way with 2 children even if they're close together. It comes naturally and you figure out how to make it work!

I love that my children are so close in age. I wouldn't have it any other way, and you'll discover that! My son was never jealous of her and they are Best Friends!!

Best of Luck!

I had our first two under 15 months. Since our family lives far away as well I was extremely nervous. I also have the added burden of being stuck with c-sections. We found a cousin of my husbands who did not have any important ties at the time and was more than happy to come live with us for 1 1/2 months to help us out. She lived with us and we paid her a nominal fee. The company was great and the help was phenomenol. You may find that you don't need that much help after all. When our third son was born 8 months ago (the older two were almost 3 and 4), and I found it much easier then, and did not have any help. Good luck with whatever happens!

Having children close together is definetly a challenge. Mine oldest two daughters are 18 months apart. Having dad away at work alot will be an even bigger challenge. There is hope. You will adjust your life to accomidate your son just as you did with your daughter. You may not believe that you can stretch your time and love for 2 little ones plus take care of the day to day things that need to get done but you will. In the first few weeks and maybe even months, you will be adjusting and some things might take a back seat(like the laundry or the housework)Eventually you will work those things into your day and have some sort of routine that works for you and the babies. Since your daughter is not old enough to really know about jelousy, you might be spared the jelous sibling behavior. She might be a little jelous but not to the extent that an only child of 4-5 years might. As long as you include your daughter in the baby duties(changing diapers,feedings, baths)she will be happy. She will feel like a big helper and will be too busy to be jelous. Since you prob wont get too much one on one time with each of them, including both of them in activities will go a long way to make them feel special. I never really had to set aside time to make each of them feel special. I just made sure I included them both because I didnt have their dad home(military) to help me out. It worked out great and they both have the normal amount of sibling rivalry and each of them feel special. So if you decide to do some laundry or take some time to surf the web during your sons nap instead of having a special play time with your daughter once in a while dont feel guilty. Kids are resiliant and do just fine. Special time is great but it doesnt have to be a daily thing, especially if you need some time to get things done too. Good luck. You will be JUST fine. Remember dont be too hard on yourself and rest when you can.

I was there last year with 2yr old and 3 yr old and my husband gone from Mon-Fri, and I will pray for you. You just do it...it seems daunting at first, and it certainly is exhausting, but you do it and it gets easier each day. What I found key was a routine. We always went to the library, grocery store (even just to walk the aisles), mall (for a walk in the double stroller)and playgroup on the same day during the week so I had something to get everyone dressed for. Stay connected via internet, phone or family center, with other Moms, because the key to survival is in eachother. It can get tough with two little ones and no adult to talk to in the evening, but we do what we need to do. You are not alone.

Hi J.~
I am a newly SAHM with twins who turned 3 last week and a 7 (almost 8 month old). My husband has been traveling since the twins were 2 weeks old. I worked full time at the time, but since having the 3rd, I am at home with no help at all!
If you are organized you will be just fine! My husband travels every week 2-5 nights anywhere in the country! At first it totally intimidated me and made me anxious. Once I got in the groove (and my hormones from pregnancy subsided) I am have been fine. I also live in the NE and have to deal with snowstorms, travel delays and cancelled flights.... WHich can be a bumber, but it is what it is!
Here is what I do...
Every Sunday I got to the grocery store (alone, with a very good list) and get anything possible we might need. I stock up! Buy extra on things the kids like (milk, eggs, pb&j etc). When he is away, I go to the library for story hour, just to get out... make plans with friends for one day and take a class with the 2 oldest on one day. I figure if I get out once a day, I am good mentally and it keeps the older ones busy while breaking up my day. I try to only do one thing per day. Sometimes we go to Barnes and Nobel to look at books and use the train table too. At dinner and bed time I stick to a very good routine. We eat, read a few books and then off to bed. I try to tub them on the day before my husband leaves so I only have to do one or two tubs by myself. They tub every other day. I make simple meals for them and eat lean cuisines for myself so dinner is a bit easier. I usually love to cook, but I find it aggrivating when I am alone with them. I sometimes freeze a portion of a meal that I make a big serving of so their food is still nutritious and "normal".
I guess my last piece of advice is, do what works for you. You don't have to do anything any day unless it feels right. If you are trying to do too much... Cut back. If you are going stir crazy... call a friend to get together for an hour or just to talk on the phone. You'll be fine as soon as you get a routine that works for you. A lot of what you may be feeling is uncertainty because you are pregnant. I remember feeling that way too and now the baby is 7 months and I am doing just fine.
Hope this is helpful. Good luck!

Hi J.! How exciting to have your second one arriving soon!

Frozen meals --- that is my first advice. Cook up some tasty nutricious meals and freeze them now (Lasagna, chicken pot pies, quiche etc. Even some breads, like banana bread, pumpkin bread -they make a great snack too!). When my second one came (22 months after the first), it was the best thing to have some meals that were already made up. I was eating well & didn't have to put much effort into cooking. Some of my friends even brought me meals too! (My husband can only make macaroni & cheese.) My second advice is finding out in your area of mom groups, the HUB in Dover has some great support groups for moms, there is a moms group called MOPS in many different areas, or hospital groups, there was a wonderful mom's group with Frisbie Hospital if you live in the Rochester area. I didn't deliver at Frisbie, but I joined that group...6 years later, I am still friends will many of the moms I met in those early years. They really saved me when I was overwhelmed with having a new baby & a second one. Finding a group that meets once a week or so is great. It gets you out of the house with your kids & gets you talking with other moms, in person (not just an on-line support group - you also need to see people & interact). And your kids may find some little friends to play with! I had just moved (from out of state) to the area 3 months before I became pregant with my first one, so not only didn't I know anyone in the area, I certainly didn't know of any other moms with kids..but it is amazing the bond that new mom's have with other new mom's. New mom's are so open to helping out other new mom's!!

I don't think it is uncommon for husbands to be away with work. At least for me it was not an uncommon situation. With both kids, he didn't take any time off from work and even went to work on the day the babies were born. As for family..well, in 6 years, I haven't had a family member watch my children or help me out, they too are far away. New friends, they are what has kept me together and there are so many women having babies, there is so much support!! Other ideas, library programs, toddler playgroups...anything to get you out with your kids and meet other moms, that will give you the support you will need!! And most of these groups are free. Good luck! Your husband is so lucky to have a fiance who cares so much about his children!! You are a great person & mom.

HI,
My first two kids were 15 months appart and although I did not do it alone my husband did work days. The key to my survival was little things lke when I fed my new one I sat on the floor and interacted with my son at the same time. Also, when the baby napped I sat with my son in the recliner and we napped together. I admit I did have a very easy second baby but it is still alot of work. Just remember to make the firstone feel included and very important and it will help. Once my daughter hit 9 mos. they started to play together and it was a dream come true! good luck

Well, I was there. My husband was in the Army(gone a lot) and I had a newborn and a 15month old. We lived in Texas, all the family was nowhere around. It was hard, but I just took one day at a time and made sure naps were at the same time! That was vital to survival. I would do things during that time that was almost impossible to do while they were both awake(paperwork, cleaning the shower...etc).
I did get to know one of my neighbors that I would take with me when one child needed to go to the doctors. I didn't feel comfortable leaving them with a babysitter, so took this new friend with me and she would sit in the waiting room!! I am still friends with her after 25yrs!!! Anyway, one day at a time and know there is support on the internet!!!!

Hi there. I have 3 under 15 months right now and it is not easy. While my sister has come out to help for a time, we are still outnumbered when my husband is working (he's coast guard and can be gone 2 months at a time sometimes). You really just have to take one day at a time. My suggestion would be to get organized as much as possible before the baby comes. I'm a neat freak and it took me a little while to adjusted to a cluttered house. Just remember that even if you don't get any house work done, you are doing the most important job by taking care of your kids. I try to set one goal a day (for housework). Sleep every chance you get in the beginning, and remember they'll eventually be on a schedule and you will have time to do things you need to do. Take time for yourself, whether you take a bath, give yourself a pedicure, chat on the phone or internet with friends, even make yourself a gourmet meal. I would also have a discussion with your fiance about helping when he is home. Don't dump the kids on him, but let him know that you are not the only one that can change diapers or wash the dishes. Believe me, every little thing helps. My last advice is to watch "Jon and Kate plus 8" (a reality show about this family that has a set of twins and a set of sextuplets), it helps me to see that anything is possible and my life really isn't as caotic as it seems.

Hi there, J.. First of all, I can relate. I'm a mother of 6, soon to be 7, and several of them are close in age. Since you say you have no support nearby, my advice would be to look for a homeschooling group nearby. Homeschoolers often have flexible schedules, and you may be able to find a teen or even pre-teen to be a mother's helper. If you can't afford to pay someone, barter -- exchange childcare with another mom, or if you have a particular talent, offer to do something for someone in exchange for some help. Also, check out Mom's groups locally, who often provide childcare and other benefits. If nothing else, it's a great way to meet other moms who may be in the same boat. Other than that, I would say, get a lightweight double stroller and use it everywhere you go, because then they're at least buckled in and more manageable. Nap when they nap, and once baby is born, you'll find it's amazing how much even a 16 month old can help, even just with little things like getting you a diaper for baby, etc. If you plan on breastfeeding, combine it with storytime for your daughter so she doesn't feel the need to get your attention in less appealing ways. I used a sling for baby, too, even around the house, and then my hands were free for whatever the others needed, or for chores and stuff. Also, if you're involved in a church, don't be afraid to ask for help from the other church members or your pastor. Good luck.

Hi J.! Good luck and congratulations! I was so worried during my second pregnancy about the same things (I had a one year old), and if it makes you feel better, it was never as difficult as I had expected it to be! SUre, there were moments, but it will all fall into place, youll see. Here are some tips that helped me:
lots of coloring books and crayons
before you go to feed your newborn, pour a sippy cup of milk for your other child - she will inevitably want milk as soon as you sit down to nurse - its great to be able to say - "Its right there honey!"
getting out is good - do you have a place nearby with a play area (like a mall?)
Let her love and get close to the baby - I used to tell mine, "Your baby sister LOVES to have her toes kissed" and she was really into that.
At the hospital, I had taped a picture of my one year old to the baby bassinet so "she could see her big sister right away" - my one year old thought that was GREAT - it made her feel important. It is also nice to have your one year bring a gift to the baby in the hospital (even if it is a picture she colored) - it makes them feel included.
I also found that my newborn slept a lot in the beginning and I had more time than I thought I would to give a little extra attention to big sister.
Anyway, best of luck - itll be great - having another child is such a gift to your first born! My two oldest (who are now 3 and 5) are so close. J.

Hi J., I was in your exact situation with a 18 month old, a new born, a husband who was traveling 3 weeks a month and living in a country where I didnt' speak the language fluently and had no supports. The major advice I can give is keep busy and get out of the house. It is exhausting, but I would plan to d something in the morning and afternoon, even if it was just going grocery shopping. I found that if I just stayed home my oldest would go stir crazy, which would make me crazy. Even just to get out and go for a walk or to the park. Also, remember, just take it one ay at a time.
Best wishes.
L.

I also had babies about the same age (2 boys 16.5 months apart) and a husband who travels essentially all week and is NEVER home, so you feel completely alone. I'm not going to sugar coat it... it's HARD. I was lucky that I had a friend come stay with me for a week or two around my due date (in the event that I went into labor and he wasn't around), and a great mother-in-law who was able to stay with us for a week after the baby was born to help out (since I had a c-section and couldn't pick up anything over 5 lbs.) We have no family in this state, and the closest is about 6 hours away. So, I guess what I'm getting to is if you have any friends or family that can either stay with you for ANY time when the baby is born (or before in case you go into labor) ask them for help. You may feel awkward, but it's very beneficial! If that's not an option, than I think the most important thing that you can do is get rest WHENEVER possible, and try as hard as you can to get the kids on a schedule. It's hard at first, but makes everything so much easier. You also have to realize that your daughter may not "like" the new baby when he arrives..... it may be different for a little girl, but my son HATED his new brother and acted up for almost 2 weeks when he arrived. The good news is - they now love each other so much, are best friends, and play together all day long! So, try and keep your outlook positive.... you are a stong, loving mother, and it will only get easier.

I took a quick glance at the responses and there seem to be some wonderful ideas. I didnt see however (i didnt read them all however) much attention paid to the days before the birth and the day of the birth. Women need the support of women during this time. A doula is trained in providing the needed support, able to answer questions, is committed to being there for you... Sometimes there are new doulas looking for experience and dont require pay. Check out Doulas of North America for referrals. Alternatively or in addition I would ask a good friend to be with you or your other child or both prior to and during the birth. Perhaps that same friend could organize some meals for you after the birth, scheduling other friends to make and deliver a meal each day or two. Good luck.