How do you handle it when a child's mother doesn't ever have the child's best interest at heart when she makes decisions. She has made a few good decisions over the years, but not many. Talking to her is about usless as she can't see anything from the child's shoes.
Thanks for you help, this has been come a difficult task for my husband and I.
The child is not in danger in any way and is always clean so there really isn't any social service that would ever need to be called. I'm the step-mom. My husband and I both agree with the issue and for the most part my husband can carry on a conversation with the child's mother, but not so much on this issue because whatever she says/thinks has to always be the right way. The mother does love her child she just fails to negelect that he has things that HE wants to do now that he is older. Mom doesn't ever consider what the child wants to do, actually with any of her children this one or the older two. So basically, I guess how do you address the issue with the mom that "hey how come you don't consider what the child(ren) ever want to do?" Thankfully we only have to deal with her for one child not all three.
Update #2- I don't dare talk to her about the child unless it's a positive thing for everyone. I leave the difficult conversations to my hubby. He has always done a good job in speaking with her. Yes, the child was upset that they are going to miss out on something. Thanks for all your advice being the step parent is always a difficult thing no matter what side you are on.
I agree that a little more info would be helpful.
That said, there are tons of mothers out there who consistently put their own wants/needs before those of their children! It's not right. Too bad you don't have to pass any kind of exam to bear a child.....
I hate to say this, but unless the child is in danger, it is her choice to make.
How are you connected to this child? It kinda depends on that. If shes niglecting the child you can turn her into social services. Need more information.
Is this child & the Mom related to you?
Or just a friend?
Can you explain more?
There is a difference between parenting and neglect. Putting a child in dangerous situations and just ignoring their needs/feelings....
What is the situation here?
Or is it just matter of differing parenting philosophy?
If the child is really not being tended to, nor fed, neglected, not cleaned, poor hygiene, not supervised properly or cared for, etc. You can call CPS... anonymously. For example.
There's nothing you can do to change another person. But sometimes you can get them to consider your needs. This is tricky, because people (you and me included) become defensive very quickly if they feel criticized.
That said, there is a wonderful process called Non-Violent Communication that my husband and I have both learned, and have found that it can revolutionize some difficult relationships and situations. If you feel anguish because of what you see happening, consider googling this term for descriptions of the steps, examples, tips, books and videos. It's good stuff.
It's sound like as a step-mom you care very much for your step-son and want what's best for him. However, there's nothing you can do. Hubby chose to have a child with this woman knowing her personality and he's the only one that can talk to her, and it sounds like he's tried. Unless his ex is putting the child in danger, she has the right to raise her son as she chooses.
The best thing that you can do, is keep his interest in mind when he's with you. During that time you can do the things with him that he wants to do.
Good luck.
Has the child come to you guys and said anything? I would back off and let your husband talk to her.
You don't address the issue. If your husband wants to address it than that is up to him. But as a step mom you need to stay out of it. When the child is with you, be the best step mom you can, anything beyond that is going too far. It would be different if this child were in danger or being mistreated. This child has two parents who love him and these parents are the ones who get to make the decisions.
Not much you can do here except to consider his interests when he is with you. You will never change another person, especially one who thinks that the world revolves around them. Do what you can, hope for the best, and know that kids who get all their needs met will probably be OK if they don't get everything they want.
I would not burn any bridges with someone who thinks that all roads lead to her driveway, espeically since she will always be in your stepsons life. Be the one of the people who lets him be who he is.
M.
You can't do anything about it. It is completely out of your control. I feel sorry for this child.
