How to Get More Patience

When I read the title I had to pop in here and say, you are not alone, isn't this the question we would ALL like to know the answer to!

you may not be willing to try medication, but I had the same problem. I found myself irritated and anxious often. I started taking Effexor XR which technically is classified as an antidepressant, however it works great for the stress and anxiety. I feel that it gives me just a few extra moments to process my feelings before I "snap" at everyone. I don't feel like all I do is yell anymore. Good luck!

You need a Mommy Break. Is there someone close to you who can come in and give you a one or 2 hour break? Make sure it's someone who can handle the tough stuff (the constant screaming). Good luck,we've all been there.

I would turn on music for fun play time with the 3 year old and dance around ...it sounds like alot of work to dance but the little bit of exercise it gives you will put you in a happier mood. Another option is when your husband gets home from work..take 10 minutes for yourself to put your sneakers on and go outside for a 10 minute walk all by yourself and you will feel lots better when you get back. One more ....fill up the bathtub and get out a bottle of shaving cream and put your 3 year old in the tub with the shaving cream and a paint brush and let the kid have at it in the tub...you sit on the sidelines in the bathroom with a magazine and a cup of tea.

I think the ideas of having your daughter nap while the baby is, so you can nap/have quiet time are on the right track. But if she's outgrown the nap already that's a little unrealistic. You could insist on "quiet time" - books, coloring, etc -- in her bedroom so you could get some time to yourself. Make her a little quiet time spot and give her a different activity each day. You probably won't get an hour, but maybe you could get 15 minutes, and the time will increase as she grows older...

i would try to sync their nap schedules asap! Not sure if your 3yr old still naps, but if so that would be an hour or two of me time. When my baby was insufferable I would wear him in my wrap around the house while doing chores or whatever. He loved it, it was very soothing for him to have Mommy so close and then your hands are free for your 3yr old.

First and foremost, remind yourself (even in the midst of this) that the teething is TEMPORARY. I've done this REPEATEDLY with things that I didn't think I could tolerate much longer. Do what you can to ease the teething pain - get a copy of NATURAL HEALTH & HEALING FOR CHILDREN by Weber and focus on the 3 year old. NOW is the time to talk about and teach behavioral patterns. Talk about alternate things to do/how to handle situations other than screaming. DO NOT respond to the negative other than reminding the child that you'll deal with it/respond when HE deals with it in an appropriate manner.......asking vs demanding.....patience vs. tantrums, etc. Talk about inappropriate behaviors and what are alterntives. They don't know what's appropriate UNLESS they are taught. It doesn't come naturally!

If you have to......have a spot in the house where you TALK (not scream) over issues that need addressing. A "no screaming/no war zone", where things are RESOLVED. EVERYONE needs problem solving and conflict resolutions skills and AGAIN, just like other skills.........THEY ARE TAUGHT!

Also might want to get a copy of RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN. Good luck

Updated

Don't forget to make time JUST for you.......reading, nails or whatever and make SURE there are no interruptions. That may mean swapping time w/ another mom, relatives, etc. but MAKE THE EFFORT. Everyone will be glad you did!

make sure to schedule time for you and dad ALONE, as well. BALANCE!! BALANCE!! BALANCE!!

When everyone is going insane, I find the best thing to do is to put on some dance music and get everyone dancing and tired out. 15 mins. of hip hop or fun children's music will do. It will set a change of mood, get everyone smiling even when they are mad. And Yeah, like some other moms have suggested, don't do so much and just let go a little. When the kids are in bed (whether nap time or early night because they didn't do the afternoon naps and tired out from dancing) then it's your time.

I probably am not much help but this works for me and my 15 month old headstrong, demanding boy. I carry him and dance, then put him down and let him spin round and round till he falls and laughs. Then he is tired out and is ready to be held quietly to quieter music and he falls asleep.
Try it, I hope it works for you too.
You are not alone .

Synthetic analgesics are not proven to have an affect on pain for infants and toddlers up to 6 years. That means that any OTC drug you give a baby isn't helping unless it's for fever.
Try natural and homeopathic remedies instead. Arnica helps with swelling and pain from swollen gums. Hylands makes teething tablets and gel. A natural Baltic Amber necklace or bracelet/anklet will also help - look for them from Inspired by Finn on www.hyenacart.com.

Instead of snapping, try taking a deep breath, giving your 3-year-old a hug and asking her what she needs. Many times, it's just attention and good or bad, they take what they can get. If you give her positive attention, you'll see the whining decrease.

I am so sorry! I feel your pain and sometimes it can feel too much at times.

Is there a way you can put your 3 year old in a mother's day out program? They are usually from about 9:30 to 2:30 2 days a week. Or, can she go over to a playdates house once a week? It can really help you get some composure and rest, as well as provide an atmosphere for your 3 year old to be learning and having fun while not listening to the baby cry.

I strongly recommend this book, it is easy to follow and makes a lot of sense, the techniques will work for both your baby and toddler.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316779040/carroll...

In the meantime, here are some of his articles that can be helpful:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t060100.asp

Try putting your 3 year old in her room for quiet time for maybe an hour a day if she doesn't do naps anymore. Some parents may disagree with this, but sometimes children need to wind down and destress too. So you can both have a bit of peace.

Also, before reactting, take a deep breath and put yourself in a short timeout, it helps! And try to pick your battles and count to 10. Good luck

Hello!

Deep breath Mommy. I can recommend teething tablets for your little one. They work quite well & are completely safe for the baby! This should help the crying so your nerves can have a chance to recoop.

I know how you feel in general. I am patience challenged. When my daughter is on my last nerve I snap at almost anone in eye site. What I have found to be helpful is put the kids in their rooms. (Maybe when tiny one is sleeping)...put your 3 yr old in her room to play. Then go in your room & scream like a mad woman into your pillow! You'll feel much better letting that out & then you have patience again.

I hope this helps & I wish you a ton of luck!

I didn't experience screaming with teething babies so I'd wonder if your doctor (or a second opinion) wouldn't have a better solution! (My daughter usually got ear infections at that time though -- guess it lowered her immune system)

Here are a few thoughts on the subject that might help:

1. Have your three year old nap (or have quiet time in her room with a book or video) while you nap. They sell these things that you can set to have a green light come on when she can get out of bed or her room. Require silence and let her know you need it so you can be a happier more playful mommie and that she will benefit too.

2. Is it possible that your impatience is so high that you have Generalized Anxiety? If you've been this way before the baby, ikt is possible. It is also possible to get this down the road or from various medical conditions. Get a physical and talk to your doctor.

3. Ask your pediatrician for suggestions. If she's a woman and mother, your chances of getting a good answer may be increased. Or, check out the bookstore on the subject, sit down and read paragraphs and table of contents to see if you find one that addresses it well. Or, Amazon on line is a great way to plug in the subject and look for a book that addresses that. They have reviews by readers that are very helpful to assess its advice.
Good luck!

I think knowing (a little bit) what to expect helps. You can at least mentally prepare for it. For me, the amount of loud noise would just get to me and fray my nerves. If I know I've got a loud day ahead of me, I'll use a set of ear plugs. I'll still hear the fussing, but it won't be quite so shrill and just that little bit of toning down the noise will help me keep myself together a little bit better. When my son went through a screaming phase, I'd sing (anything and loudly). If he screamed louder, I'd sing louder. I think I scared a few door to door salesmen away that way. One time I did answer the door with my son screaming in his playpen, the supper burning and someone who wanted to try selling magazine subscriptions got greeted with me wrenching open the door and asking "WHAT?". He just said 'Never mind. Have a nice day!' and left. I didn't feel bad since the No Solicitation sign we had right next to the door kept being ignored no matter what we did. You'll get through this eventually.

This book - Buddhism for mothers: a calm approach to caring for yourself and your children - has really helped me. Even if you're not Buddhist, it helps you find ways to be calm in the midst of the insanity.

http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-Mothers-Approach-Yourself-...

I am this way too sometimes. I always wonder - with more kids, shouldn't I have more patience instead of less? But then something happens and my son will not stop crying and my daughter keeps telling me no, or is throwing toys and then I lose it and yell!! Most of the time, I use a very stern voice with my daughter and tell her that what she did made me very upset, sad or mad. Sometimes raising my voice is the only way to get her to listen to me! But then of course I feel horrible about it. What I do when she starts to follow directions or listen to me is to make a BIG deal about it. I'll say "Oh you are ready to listen? I'm SOOO glad!" and then will just be silly and put on a smile even if I'm still in a cranky mood due to the outburst!

My 2.5 year old does not nap on weekends but last weekend, I told her she HAD to lay down and have a rest while I nursed her brother. I knew she was tired and thought even 10 minutes of quiet would be good for her. She cried, she yelled and I told her I'd have to leave and she would have to have rest time alone (which she didn't want) so she wanted to lay on the ground and I let her. Not even 5 minutes later she was out! I'm going to try this from now on.

During the week is when it's hardest for me as my husband isn't home at night. I have found that sometimes it's easier to do the least amount - whether that mean leftovers for dinner, tv for a few hours in the evenings so I can spend time with both kids, taking a bath while the youngest is asleep the older one is sitting next to the tub reading books.

Realize you are NOT alone!! This happens to most if not all moms - all that I know!!

Even if you blow up, get your cool and apologize. I think it's good for kids to hear their parents apologize.

Sounds just like me most days - I, too, am not a patient person. I hate crowds, can't stand slow drivers......generally, I'm not patient by nature.

We were fortunate to have 2 rather well-tempered children in the grand scheme of things though recently has been a real test.

Our trick lately has been to wear them out as much as possible outside after work/day care. It's been a complete Godsend, but when they get overly tired, it can make for some trying times.

At the end of the day, I try to remind myself that they're kids and are learning how to fit into this world. They don't have 34 years of practice like I do, and I'm nowhere close to being good at it most days either. My perspective is a little different - a brush with cancer after our daughter's birth taught me a lot more about the person I want to be.

We have found, though, that focusing more on what they're doing well and giving positive reinforcement for good behavior is better for our mental health than constantly correcting them. Kids are like Pavlov's dog and will get conditioned over time. We asked our 3.5 year old the other day if he likes when Mommy & Daddy tell him "Good Job" or "Hey, this is what you were doing wrong" better - no surprise, he picked the "Good job".

At the end of the day, we always make sure to tell them that they're our favorite kids, how much we love them and what we're thankful for that day - I'm always thankful for them.

Good luck! I hear it gets better - we just haven't gotten there yet.