Help I'm Having a Lot of Issues with My Almost 3 Year Old!!

3 year olds are tough. The hardest year in my opinion! First, I would fix her sleep schedule. Wake her up between 7-7:30. Give her a nap around 12:30-1pm, and don't let her sleep for more than 2 hours. Put her to bed at 8. She should be tired by then and have an easier time falling asleep. With a new little one around she may need some extra snuggles. I would rock her if that's what she likes. Also, at this age preschool is a good idea a few mornings a week. It will make her feel like a big girl, give you some time alone with the baby and tire her out. Good luck!

I would either not let her nap at all, or wake her up from her nap after an hour or so. She needs to be sleeping at night, and if she sleeps 3-4 hours during the day she won't be able to sleep at night.

Her naps are far too long. You may want to thing about getting her to do the bulk of her sleeping at night. My almost 3 year old doesn't nap. He sleeps 12 hours at night.

If you ahve the TV on as background noise, is she watching it all day?

In terms of the tantrums, she is old enough to know what is appropriate and what isn't. You need to be consistent with TO's. I find the 1, 2, 3 magic program really helpful. I keep calm, and they know they have to do what is ask or stop what they are doing or they go into TO. For extreme behavior, they get consequences (no candy, videos, etc.)

And of course you spend more time with her than the baby. I don't remember much from when my son was a baby, I was too busy making sure my 2 year old wasn't hanging from the lights! Give your almost 3 year old some person time every day while baby sleep (do crafts, read books, etc.). I got into the habit of doing two 15 minute blocks a day while baby napped. We also left the house every day and went somewhere, and we took an afternoon walk. Change the environment a lot, and when her behavior starts getting awful, ask her if she needs a nap. Usually they will get their acts together if they think the fun is going to stop.

But it sounds to me like it's time to drop the nap.

Yeah your sleep schedule is messed up. If my 3 year old took a long nap and did not wake up till 6 he would be up till 2 am too. Because of this he does not nap anymore. It was a bit of a transition (crabby in the evenings) but now he sleeps from 8 to 7:30 daily. When you put her down for a nap you should wake her up after 2 hours max. She will be crabby but she just can't nap that long or she will not go to bed at night for you.

Tantrums - prob. because she is tired and aged 3. 3 year olds are tough. They need lots of redirection, consistency, and perseverance.

Motherhood is not for wimps!

All my kids stopped napping at 3 or earlier. They slept plenty at night.

I wrote a long post and lost it, so here's another one, though I'm going to abbreviate.

I feel for you going through this especially with a new baby. Yes, the baby is part of the cause for this. She's running the show, S., and you've got to get ahold of your household and take the reins.

It will be hard, but I truly believe that if you do this, it will help you all. You don't say what time you are waking her up in the morning, or what time you will be getting up when you do go back to work. So, first of all, she needs the SAME time every morning to get up - even on the weekends until this is all straightened out. If I were you, I'd make it an hour after you will normally get up for work. That way it won't be too hard to back it up an hour when you go back to work.

Next, she needs a REAL schedule. Wake, dress, breakfast, play, snack, play, lunch, nap, snack, dinner, quiet play, bath, bed. Every single day.

The nap you have allowed her to have is not working, period. Back up her nap to 1:00. Wake her at 2:00. Don't let her sleep more than an hour. At first, she won't nap. She will act awful. Put up with it. Just no napping other than 1:00-2:00. After brushing teeth and bath, have your HUSBAND sit in the middle of her dark room in a chair pointed toward the door. He should not talk to her, hold her, or rock her. If she gets out of the bed, then he puts her back in her bed. Even if it's 20 times. Put a little potty in her room and when she starts about the pottying, she has to sit on the potty in her room. Daddy does NOT talk to her. This might take a week, but after the first couple of nights, with Dad not catering to her in any way (REALLY), she will get tired of the hystrionics and without a 3 hour nap, she will be tired and go to sleep.

Once she is really on this new sleep schedule, have him start moving the chair closer to the door every night. It will get to the point that he can stand in the door for a few minutes.

Only when you get the night time problem handled will you be able to get the daytime handled. When she has a tantrum, put her in her room for her to cry. Don't let her out, but don't let her know that you are outside her door. Without a captive audience, she doesn't have a reason to continue the tantrum. Only let her come out after she stops all the screaming. Do it EVERY TIME. Without exception. NEVER give her what she wants when she is having a fit. If you do, you are just asking for tantrums.

You need to turn the TV off in the daytime. It is counterproductive to what you are trying to accomplish, having it on, even for noise. Instead, you need to play music for her. Sing songs with her. Don't use the TV for a babysitter.

It will take weeks to work on this. If you do all this, without caving in, without getting mad and yelling, without losing your cool, she will come around. What you CANNOT do, is let chaos reign in your home. You must keep a cool head, and so must your husband.

Good luck - sending you strength!
Dawn

It's hard, isn't it!?!? :)

Yep. I have to agree with sleep being most of the issue. My youngest is 2 1/2 this month. She is already transitioning to no naps. She is skipping a nap about every 4 or 5 days. When she naps longer than 2 hours, she is up until 9:30 or 10:00 (bedtime is 8:00 - 8:30). We've learned to wake her up around 1 1/2 hours of a nap so we can make bedtime easier.

If you have a 4 month old at home, it also depends on how much sleep everyone is getting....quality sleep at that.

You have to decide if it you want to work on this right now (kinda sounds like you need to if your oldest is miserable and making life harder for all of you).

I've noticed that we let our youngest get by with much more than the oldest was allowed, AND they have different personalities. We have to be much more vigilent with the second. That's been hard to do with the all the major events going on in our lives for the past several months.

It's a balancing act. It's, "Who needs the most attention right now?" "Who has a behavior that we have to work on right now??" We (I) can't do all of it ALL of the time. I'm not perfect. I can only focus on one new major thing at a time (new baby, potty training, sleep training, bed transitions, etc). But, I have to have expectations and consistency to keep everything else in place and keep it from falling apart.

My advice? Start weaning the naps down to 1.5 - 2 hours a day and let her naturally wean from her naps altogether. Decide on the behaviors you will give T.O.'s for. Put her in once specific chair facing the wall. Let her cry (you know it's working). Only keep her there for 3 minutes. Ask her if she is ready to (insert behavior) now. Tell her you love her and you know she is a big girl and can do (insert behavior). Turn the t.v. off or put some toddler music on if you want background noise. Yes, it is easy to just let it stay on and entertain everyone when you have a heck of a lot going on, but once you realize you are at that point, and intervention is necessary! :) Watch the clock, let her watch X amount of shows and turn it off. (We are going through this right now, too.) And lastly, start getting out of the house and get her around some other older kids, if you haven't already.

And lastly, remember sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get through. It will get easier!!! :)

Oh yes... this is a tough age, full of tears for baby and mom if I remember correctly!! Dr. Sears is a childhood expert and I read his book and got some great advice that really help!

Discipline issues:
http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/discipline-behavior

Sleep issues:
http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/parenting/sleep-problems

Sibling Rivalry:
http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/discipline-behavior/b...

It sounds like she is acting out a lot with having to share her mommy. You don't have to take her out everyday, just try and get a little creative at home, this site has some really good and easy ideas that can be helpful since you are a mom to a new baby too:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_40-ways-to-entertain-your-kid...

Start her nap earlier and end it sooner. She will never go to bed for the night it if you allow her to 'nap' until 6pm or later??

Is it possible you can stop the naps all together?

All 3 of my kids were done napping early and as long as they are not grouchy lil' monsters it should be OK...but sounds like your daughter is grouchy now anyways...might be worth a shot?

I didn't read the other responses, but at age 3, they're pretty much ready to drop their nap. My son was not the norm when he dropped his nap at 26mo. However, my daughter will be 3 next month, and we've just transitioned her out of naps completely. She goes to bed at 7am, and since we're still transitioning, I have to wake her at 7:20 when my 5yo son gets up for school. I'm sure she'll start waking on her own in a few months when we get more used to our new routine. Or she may not, as right now, she tends to sleep later on the weekends (which is just fine!). Not napping is VERY hard when there's a baby involved, but sometimes, it really is for the best.

Her screaming and demanding late into the night should begin to taper off and hopefully subside completely once she gets on a different napping/bedtime routine. Part of her behavior could also be normal sibling "rivalry," and she's demanding attention. Giving each child the attention they need, crave, and deserve can be a delicate balance :) (and isn't always possible!!! LOL)

Check out Secrets of Baby Behavior for some insight, and I recommend personally The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley. It works for some, not for others, but I took bits and pieces, and the whole book REALLY shed some light on how to get where we wanted to be. I used it with my son (who didn't sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time until almost 20mo), and we noticed a difference within a week of implementing certain aspects!

Good luck, and I hope you find something that works for you and your family :)

Hi S.,

She is too tired and confused which makes her do what she is doing. No need of time outs now. She needs routine, a nice and consistent feeding, sleeping and naps routine. Every single day, the very same routine, the very same time for everything. She will get used to it.
She goes to bed too late, you may want to start the bed routine earlier, so she falls asleep earlier, before 9:00 pm, and have her naps just once.
Put some soft music and comfort her when she cries, it won't harm her or spoil her. My kids are 6 and 12, and I always spent some minutes with them at bedtime after reading a short story, they felt more secure and cozy. Just make this part of the "ritual" shorter every week, not every day, every week.

Like others have said, shorten her naps. Most kids tend to drop naps about 3 yrs. My now 7 yr old, unfortunately, dropped his nap at 2! Killed me! Especially for a little boy who needed that nap due to being on the go all day. Have her nap just an hour then get her up & do something physical...walk, bike ride, playdate, park time so that she is plenty tired when it comes to bed time. I would suggest starting tub & stories about 7pmish & plan to have her in bed w/lights out by 8p. And those middle of the night screams....ignore them. I know, easier said than done! But when you guys respond to her screams, you are telling her she will get her way if she just screams loud enough. At 3, she is old enough to understand that is not acceptable. At bed time, tell her you will not respond to her screams & for every night she stays in bed w/o screaming she gets a star & when she goes, say 3 nights, w/no screaming, she gets a small treat. When she has those tantrums during the day, time out for no more than 3 minutes (typically T.O. is one minute per age), she sits in a designated spot for that length of time, time only starts once she is actually sitting in chair & when it's done, you get her up & have her tell you why she was in time out or you state why if she's having trouble, she apologizes & it's done. Also lavish her w/praise for any & all actions that are what you expect; talking nicely, handling things well, etc.I think key for her now is consistency & knowing what she can expect. Every morning mapl out the day,: school at suchnsuch, home, nap, play time dinner & then bed time. Maybe try having a schedule w/pictures for her to see & that you can check off what you've done. I know this will be hard w/a newborn but staying consistent will help you all. Be strong & god luck!

I'm sure most Moms have already said this, but 3-4 hour nap is way to long. If my 3 year old has had a busy active day, I let him sleep 2 hours but that isn't daily and I get him up at 4:30. He is in bed sleeping by 8:30 pm each night. Once you change her napping schedule she will feel happier and will be better behaved. Use the radio for background noise, no need to start a TV habit now. My kids dance and sing all day long while the music is on. It's actually really fun.

I agree that that is a lot to handle. As a mother of a 3 year old and 10 month old I will tell you what has worked for us in the past few months....we have really made a consorted effort to limit TV (3 shows a day tops) and putting our oldest to bed a half hour earlier. Your oldest is probably over tired so if you can get the sleep a little better you will probably find that it will reduce the amount of tantrums.
I will say that she is probably also going through the 2nd child phase. My son seemed fine with his baby brother for the first 4 months and then bam one morning he woke up and was the child from hell. It lasted for about 4 weeks with a ton of tantrums, throwing and hitting and wanting my attention even when it was negative attention but then he seemed to settle down. I had him help me with the baby which I found pretty helpful.
My advice would try to set her bedtime back by a half hour and see if that helps. Also, would you consider having her put on pull ups at night. That way she doesn't really have an excuse to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. She is clearly making up for lack of sleep at night with long naps during the day.
Good luck. I know what you are going through since I recently went through the same thing.

It sounds like she's very tired. :( I would shorten her nap and put her down much, much earlier - like 7 or 7:30pm. However, I say that because my kids get up around 7am, so you might need to adjust accordingly (roughly 12 hours from waketime).

I think that the bottom line is she's napping too long.

Oh, and the TV being on all the time is probably too stimulating.

Firstly, I feel for you. It's never easy to deal with this behavior. But I would definitely do two things - don't let her nap for more than 1.5 hours, 2 tops and secondly turn off the TV and use the radio for background noise. It's so much less intrusive and will make tv that much more special for your little one when you do turn it on. Also, don't let her sleep past 3 pm when she's napping the try moving bedtime up to 7:30ish. Three is a tough age anyway, but I bet you'll see an improvement in her behavior if you get her sleep patterns back on track.