my husband of almost 4 years won't talk about any problems that we have. He just says you figure it out. I cannot do it alone anymore. I have become so stressed out that I actually had a break down last week. Money is a big part of our problems as is sex. I have no sex drive anymore. I have tried to be a little more into it, but i don't want to just do it and lay there and not feel anything. I don't want him to think that i don't love him. I don't know what to do anymore. We fight just about every day. It's pretty rare that we have 3-4 days without one. I have tried to get him to talk, but when i do that he gets all defensive and then blocks me out completely. If anyone out there can help me with some ideas or insight it would be greatly appreciated. I'm at my wits end!!!!
You may not be a fan of his show, but the book Family First by Dr. Phil is actually pretty good. It is an easy read and it offers lots of suggestions to overcoming hardships in a marriage.
S.
Whenever my husband and I have had problems I have written him a letter or email. That way he can't interrupt you, and you don't have a chance to forget what you meant to say. Don't lay all the blame on him, and say lots of "I feel". Hopefully that will get your feelings across, and be a start to working on them.
As for the sex, I can understand working so much and then taking care of a 3 yr old can bring down the want to. Just recently I said no for the first time in a long time, but my husbands response was that I never want to. What I had to make him realize is that he was the one falling asleep in the recliner before the other kids were even in bed. And he'd stay there until 4am which by that time I was long since asleep in our bed. So the lack of wanting sex could be because you are too tired, or it could be the arguing or it could something hormonal. First thing you should try is ask a friend or relative to watch your child over night. Make out a nice invitation to your husband, and set up a romantic dinner at home. Take the day off work that day too, and maybe have a nice long bath before hand. In the right setting even hamburger helper can be romantic, so it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. Don't bring up issues, just enjoy each other for that evening.
As for the money problems, just do the best you can right now. Arguing over it won't make more money. Hopefully once your husband finishes school he can get a job making more money and then no more money problems. Good luck. I think we've all been in your shoes at one time or another.
Let me ask you this-when do you have any time for just the 2 of you? Do you have a reliable sitter? I ussually anitiate all "talks" in a resturant because it will be less of a chance tro escalate into an all out fight.
My husband and I made a truce a long time ago not to raise our voices in front of our kids so we have learned to argue in a quiet manner. It has helped. If he starts to get loud when you are telling him how you feel, remind him your just talking, not fighting. And don't be accusing because it will put him on the defense.
Don't even worry about the sex right now. When you take some time for the 2 of you, start to relax and remember why you fell in love in the first place, the sex will follow
I feel for you going through this so early in your marriage but the truth is the first 5 yrs (to me) are the hardest. Not just the marriage its self but juggling everything along with it. Please see a
doctor before you get into a further depression. Men never really seem to understand how hard it is just being a mom. I can tell you this, when I was working full time it was almost like it was easier. Now that I am a stay at home mom I deal with much much more. It sounds like the Hubby might have some underlying problems of his own and if he has always kept them in thats another whole issue. You both need an outlet!! Something you can do alone(if you can find the time) so that you can put things into perspective then make a time when you can talk. If he doesn't want too, wait until he is ready. Do not let it go to long or you will burst. If you do argue don't go to bed angry, settle the problem or just make sure everthing is ok between the two of you. As for the sex, do something for you, something that you enjoy, like when he's not home and the babe is asleep find YOU again. Take a bubble bath, read a love story, or even masterbate find YOUR sensuality as well as your sexuality. Your problems wont go away but if you take a little time for yourself you both will be able to deal with them more rationally and hopefully more calmly. Good Luck I hope this helps.
sorry to hear you are in such a bad spot right now i hope things get better and what i say can help you my first suggestion is to try couples therapy if he says no just explain to him that you are having a hard time and just need his support then eventually he may come around in therapy or if you are already seeing a therapist try having him sit in on one of your sessions just so he can hear what is going on this may also bring im around but whatever you do don't let the problem sit these sorts of things can break a marriage apart and i would hate to see that happen to anyone if all else fails tell him you need a weekend to go away to a family members house to get a break from the everyday routine take the kids and as you leave give him a letter that says how you feel he will undoubtedly read it and come to his senses but don't do that first try everything else you can think of first because he may take this as a sign that you are leaving him and may give him the wrong idea
Hi, I enjoyed reading yours. You are in the same boat that I was in. I figured out a way outta it. I found this company called Pure Romance. Pure Romance puts the O back into Romance. And let me tell you from personal experience i had no sex drive what so ever either. With Pure Romance when I tried these items. It worked wonders it helped me out. I understand that your tired of the fightin because romance is a biggy, to men. If their not gettin it from you eventually they will turn elsewhere. If you want to save it and stay with him. Trust me check over my website, look under massage & bath aids and read the product called SERENTIY. It is an antistress aromatherapy cream infused with pheromones. Pheromones produce that sexual scent. Trust me these products work. It also builds your confidence in yourself. Some woman lack sex because they are to tired from working, lack of self esteem. I got to tell ya your not alone about 90% of woman are in your shoes until they discover Pure Romance. My website is www.mariasimons.pureromance.com Feel free to look it over and get back to me. my email addy is ____@____.com, the talking issue with a man! This is EVERYONE MAN! They keep things inside thats natural. But if you try giving in a little, you will get a little. Know what i mean. I hope this helps you out.
M.
You could give marriage counciling a try.
You've got a viscious cirlce going, stress over money causes fighting , and that makes your sex drive go bye-bye.....and that causes more fighting.
Find some time to sit down with him and explain that you can't do it alone and you need him on your side. You love him very much and the fighting and stress is breaking your heart, and if the stress lessens your sex drive will come back.
Don'y lay blame, just explain calmly how you feel.It actually worked for me, hopefuly you will have good results too.
