How to Get a 1Yrs Old Girl to Treat Her 4Yr Old Brother Better

First of all, you probably shouldn't get your son to take something away from his little sister. You should do it. It probably create confusion for her AND him. She doesn't know if he's coming to take something away from her or help her. As for the hitting and biting, I began TIMEOUT with my (almost) 3 year old at 1 year old and she grasped the concept quickly. Anytime she hits or bites, immediately remove her from the situation and put her in TIMEOUT. I use a little chair (her size) and I turn it around facing away from the open room. I sit her in it, come down to her eye level and explain to her she must sit here for 2 minutes (1 minute per year of age) and tell her why. After the time is up, come back to her eye level and have her apologize to her brother and give him a hug. Good luck!!

I ave three children and the two youngest are boys. When they are dealing with each other I have found that even at 1 yr of age they know when they are being mean. It sounds like she may need some time on her own to understand better that you are not going to allow her to treat her brother mean. "Be Nice" works wonders and in the case of biting, that should be an immediate pop on the hand and a firm "No,No Biting hurts" hope it helps.

That hitting and biting must be stopped not only for your son's physical health, but also for you daughter's emotional and social health. She's obviously a smart little girl to already be making decisions about her own behavior, so she's probably mentally and emotionally ready for some sort of punishment...time out, having a toy taken away, a swat on her hiney...something! Her behavior definitely needs to be addressed. If this situation isn't brought under control, she'll be a miserable little girl with no friends. You and your husband have to work together and have the same expectations of her. Be consistent and firm.

A.,

My first suggestion would be that you not put your son in a position to help her with something or take something away from her. That is a huge responsibility to put on a 4 year old, especially when dealing with a one year old who is learning that she can "do it herself"! At this time, when she needs help or something needs to be take away from her, you, or another adult, should be the one to do it. Having big brother in that role will only heighten the natural sibling rivalry that exists between all children. The suggestions that others made on the site are wonderful about redirecting her, and explaining to her to be gentle, etc., I suspect, though, that if your remove your son as the target of this aggression, it may reduce a good bit. Let them play together and be siblings! You be the authority figure! They sound like precious children!

A.,
Well, I think that your only problem is that your daughter is only a year old. At this point, she hasn't developed a sense of compassion, empathy, etc., and she's incapable of those emotions at this age. Try to explain that to your son, and let him know that her rejection of his attention isn't personal at this stage. As she matures a bit, she'll grow to love (and probably completely worship) her big brother, but she's not there yet developmentally. Good luck!

A.,
These have worked for me..... Step 1- When your 1 yr.old is scratching and biting you must come to your son's rescue. Start by firmly telling her "No". Then take your little boys face in your hands and softly carress his face and speaking soothingly say, "gentle". Then Smile at her and take her hand and repeat this. Step 2- Also try shunning her if she will not be gentle with her brother. Turn your back on her(having her brother do the same) for a few moments, if she does not listen to Step 1. She will scream,but she will realize you will not allow her to behave this way toward her brother.
I have 5 daughters,and our baby(of 5 girls) had learned all the tricks..believe me, she kept us on our toes!!!
Also, try to re channel her anger and aggression towards her brother. With you standing nearby, have then to play "hugs and kisses" she hugs her teddy or favorite stuffed animal then she hugs brother..he hugs the animal and hugs her. Do not allow him to tease her with the animal though.
Also that annoying "screech" she does ignore it!!!
I once found my little daughter doing it one day and no one(not one of her sisters were anywhere nearby...I on the other hand was headed down the hall to take matters into my own hand(s) to whom ever was causing her to make this awefull sound) No one was around...I realized she had learned to make this sound to get someone to come get what she wanted.Try to distract her from making this sound, if at all possible.
Also begin using sign language..I babysit a 1 yr old..she is coming along well. The other day she told me "stop" when I was trying to make her mind and had told her "No". It was quite hilarious she saying "stop" to me and I was repeating "No" to her. She has resently learned "please" . She has no problems hearing or talking, she is just too young to speak a sentence. Try it I promise it works! You get a cluse to "WHAT" they want anyway. Teach signs like toy, drink/thirsty, hungary, Mommy,brother,etc. Don't give up!!! You can do it! Blessing to you and yours, LaDonna

The other responses have been great, but I want to add one more thing - this is a HUGE development stage for a one-year-old. All of the sudden, she can do things on her own! She wants to learn and grown and be independent. In her tiny memory, she has always been dependent, and now, suddenly, she's not so much. This is not truly against her brother - it's against being helped. As she grows, she will be able to better discern what she cand and can't do (this can even come in the next few months!), but right now she just wants to do it all! Like another responder mentioned, just try to keep from putting your son in that situation - and find ways to foster the relationship between them.

I am not really sure you can do anything. She is too young. The only thing that I know is just be patient and keep telling her over and over and over to be nice and do not hurt brother. Repetition, repetition, repetition!!!!
And continue to tell the brother that she is little, just one and she doesn't realize what she is doing and how it hurts his feelings.
She will grow out of it.

Nip this in the budd now.When she bites,screams at the brother for 1)doing what you asked him to do and 2) for helping her.Then she should get punished how ever you see fit.She has to be told that kind of attitude wont be tolerated at all.She is trying to intimidate him and it might be working I dont know since you didnt say how your son reacts to this.Once she see it working on her brother she will try it out on other children and possibly adutls making her a bully.You dont want her going to school in a few years with that attitude..stop it now..time outs work..1 2 3 method works also..good luck..
S. B

Hi~
I sounds as if he's a peaceful, calm character and she has a powerful, 'stormy' personality. Try not to have him be the 'authority' over her any more than is necessary for her own safety, as she will probably REALLY try to 'push his buttons' and he'll be sorely discouraged. Thank and praise him for 'helping' you even though she's not co-operative -- he did his part to help YOU. And praise her any time she IS co-operative!

I'd like to suggest that you take some online personality/temperament tests for yourself and others (kids, husband, parents, etc) and to look up info on the '5 love languages' by Dr. Gary Chapman.

I know that that Bible says "train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he won't depart from it." As I understand it, in the original lauguage, it meant, 'train up a child according to his or her natural 'bent'.' I've also heard that there are as many different ways to parent as there are parents. I like to take it one step further (after rearing 4 very different kids!) and say that there are as many different ways to parent as there are KIDS!

They ARE EACH very unique! Enjoy them!

she's a girl and has a independance of her own,things will get better in time, L. ____@____.com

A.-- To your one year old he has done something terrible to her!! She sounds like she wants to do things on her own and he is interfering with that. My bet is that if you try to do something for her that she doesn't want you to do then you'll get much the same reaction. I would stop putting your son in the posistion to be hit/bit by her and do the helping or taking away myself. I had the same thing going on with my kids and had to catch myself from telling my son to help my daughter with something that I knew she was trying hard to accomplish. Instead I started asking if she wanted help---many times the answer was no but I just kept explaining that it was ok to ask for help when you need it and now if either of them tries to do something and can't quite get it they will ask for help.
Of course explaining that hitting and biting is not nice and that she should not do these things to her brother or anyone else is important also---and if she does these things her brother isn't going to want to play with her. Just remember at one she can't tell you that she doesn't want help and wants to do something herself so she reacts the best way she knows how at the moment.
Best of Luck.

Hi A., I work with one year olds at a day care and we tell our children to "use your words" then give them the words they need to express how they are feeling. Also tell them "nice touches" then rub your hand gently on her hand or face to show her what a nice touch is. Some parents have also taught their childern certain sign language signs if they are not yet verbal. They say that it is easier for a child to learn the sign for what they want than to learn how to say the word, even when they know the word and what it means. Ones are becoming very independent with some things but usually arent' very verbal, so you need to be very patient with her until she learns that big brother isn't trying to bother her, he's just trying to be a good big brother.

It's hard to comment, because we don't know if the one year old just turned one or if she's closer to 18 month or even close to two. If she's barely one, then redirecting her is probably about all you can do. If she's getting closer to 18 months, I would directly tell her not to do what she's doing and even consider a one minute timeout. My daughter just turned 2 last week, and we've been doing one minute corner timeouts for quite a while. They are somewhat effective, as effective as they can be at this age.

I am glad you realize that this is the baby and not blaming it on the 4 year old. Many parents seem to think it always must be the older child. Good luck!

Hi A.,
Bless your heart and your son's.
Just keep honing in on the message that bro has feelings too and
remind her or start teaching her about feelings. "Brother may start to think you don't love him if you always treat him so
"roughly", "unkindly", etc. "When we love someone we treat them with kindness." Avoid saying "bad", or "mean", because these words seem to come back and get used for drama,or effect. Just speak from your heart and she will understand half of it, the other half she'll pick up from you and your son's feelings. I'm also thinking that just as you pay little attention to an animal that won't
let you pet him, they eventually they come around. Maybe she could experience what its like for bro to be doing fun things in the house and just have little time for sis. When she starts asking for brother to play, or get this , or talk to her, it's on the condition that she treat him with kindness, manners,etc. at that point you can be sending her the same messages that you probably have been, but now you've cleared the playing field and now the "game" will be played by your
rules. It may be hard to explain to a 4 yr old why you would do this, but you want him to learn how to teach people to treat him. And if sis is his 1st experience at handling a difficult person, than he'll be so far ahead in the game of life, he'll be brilliant at interpersonal relationships.
Really embrace this as an opportunity to teach them both some
core, invaluable lessons about life and living right that will bless them and those around them their whole lives.
God Bless you all. Good Luck, I'm sure you do great!