My baby is almost 6 weeks old and she's exclusively breastfed. My problem is that I have a really hard time getting her to sleep the first time at night, the first time meaning when I initially put her down for the night. I wait until she looks sleepy and then I put her in the bassinet next to me with a pacifier. She sucks on the pacifier and starts to go to sleep but within minutes she starts grunting, fussing, writhing around and eventually crying. She is in her bouncy seat in the bassinet because she has a little reflux, my ped said that was ok. So I cave in and pick her up and rock her back to sleep and try again, often with the same result over and over again. Then I worry that I am ruining her, that she will become dependent on me rocking her to sleep which I do not want. Even still if i rock her to sleep she just wakes back up when i put her down and does all the same as before! So none of i is really working. Once she gets to sleep the first time she's ok. We get up a couple times at night to nurse and she usually is ok going back to sleep afterward. It's just that initial time that I put her down for the night, it's a giant fight. I try patting her while she's in the bassinet but it doesn't help. I tried rocking the bassinet and that seems to help quiet her a little but it doesn't help get her to sleep and I can't really keep it up because my arm gets tired! I dont understand because during the day she naps great. Getting kind of desperate. Her diaper is always clean before bed and I use the Miracle Blanket to swaddle her.
Wondering if anyone has any advice on how to make that go smoother???
You are not ruining her! You are caring for her. You cannot expect a baby to sleep on their own at 6 weeks. I breastfed my son until he was asleep for the first few months. He is now very independent, sweet, smart, and sleeps on his own! :) You will get through it!
You can not ruin a baby by taking care of them!
My first I always had to wait until he was in a deeper sleep. I had to wait until he had the "limp arms". If he was in any state of lighter sleep I could not put him down at all. I got really good at sleeping spells in the rocking chair as I'd just give up trying to even get up sometimes.
At 6 weeks a baby really has no idea which end is up and it can really be a challenge.
One of the best books I ever read is by Dr Sears called "The Baby Sleep Book". The Dr Sears website has some of the inforrmation here: http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp It explains in short how a baby sleeps. As basic survival young babies do not sleep long stretches and have more "lighter sleep" than "heavy sleep" like adults have. They start awake more often.
She is utterly dependent on you to meet all her needs, both physical and emotional (security) for many months yet. You cannot possibly ruin an infant by giving her too much love and attention. That's something you might look at again when she's a year or so, but not now. Babies do not develop bad habits. It's much too early.
Give her the connection and comfort she needs now, and you will eventually have a more secure and less needy baby than if you underindulge her in her earliest months. She is asking only to have her needs met, and fussing, writhing, and crying are the only means she has to make her needs known.
I hope you'll look into the methods used by Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby on the Block, who explains why he calls the first 3 months the Fourth Trimester, and explains why babies run pretty much according to their own needs for the first 3-4 months. Here are some useful short videos:
How-to's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6KnVPUdEgQ&feature=re...
Interview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu0TtxO-ocY&feature=re...
Enhanced sleep: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk5MUOMecHI&NR=1
My sister's son had really bad reflux. The specialist actually told her not to feed the baby and lay him down. She was to feed him and have him upright, for 30 minutes, or more. Laying him down right after feeding made the reflux worse and he would cry from the discomfort. She would nurse him and hold him to her shoulder and then lay him down. It really helped. Perhaps, you could try this?
This is normal. Get and read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Right now your baby NEEDS you to nurse and hold her. She's been held and rocked for nine months and being alone isn't going to cut it for her! Every baby is different but yours is clearly telling you what she needs. Get a sling! Wear her and she can rest and you can get a few things done. Learn to nurse laying down and you can both get some rest! Really, she is so young. I promise, it will get better, especially if you use some of Pantley's ideas.
Hugs! First off you can NEVER ruin a baby by comforting them. It's a need that's getting filled. ALL you're doing by comforting them is building trust. It's MUCH later on (near 1 year) that *wants* start coming into play. ((And word to the wise: the more they learn to trust you the more "independent" they become... aka a baby who is securely attached (different from attachment parenting) is quite comfortable with mum leaving/ being gone/ being on their own... because they know when they NEED her (or dad, etc.) that that need will be met. When they feel secure they can go for *much* longer periods without needing comfort. But, like all things, it takes time to build up that foundation. The more you comfort them when they're little, the less clingy they'll be as they get older is the rule of thumb. (Note: comfort doesn't = happiness. They're not always going to be happy, and crying is good for the lungs and diaphragm... being securely attached doesn't mean that they never cry or that you never leave them... it just means that the trust is there from 1000's of times of having their needs met).))
But as for your actual Q
1 will get you 20 that she's actually "overtired". Practically impossible to get infants to sleep when they're overtired. Try putting her down about 30 minutes before you think she needs to be.
You are a new Mom and now you are a mother forever. You cannot go back to your old life for a number of years. Get used to the Madonna syndrome of sleep deprivation. If you baby sleeps four or five hours a night it's a gift. My first baby had really bad reflux and eventually we realized there was a deeper problem. I held her and held her for hours at a time. I never let my children cry. Are they spoiled. Not a bit.
What time are you putting her down for the first time. Chances are that you are missing her biological clock time because that is very early. If you get them down within that time frame she will do down faster, sleep longer and calmer.
You can contact me if you want more help. I am a Newborn Care Specialist.
N. Hamm
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