K.S.
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This afternoon, I was taking a friend to pick up her kids from school. Her two older kids were in the van, while she was inside getting the youngest child. The two in the van started fighting. I asked them to settle down. Then the oldest brought back his fist to punch the other, so I grabbed his wrist. Then his sister used the opening to land a punch before I could catch her. After that, I managed to restrain her hand as well. My friend did not mind what I did, at all. But, it has me wondering where you draw the line in discipline of other people's children. I've always wondered what I should do when I find ill behaved children in public. Anyone have some advice?
So far, it's about what I expected. I know I was right to protect those two kids, by way of disciplining them. And their mother was cool with it. But, ti reminded me of all of those times when you wonder if there's something you should do. Like last spring, we took our son to Chuck E Cheese. There was a little girl, around four year old, like my son. She was picking on him quite a bit, and was not being supervised at all. She even tried to hit him with the Whack-A-Mole mallet, while I was standing about three feet from him. So, my presense alone was not enough to keep her in check. A large part of me wanted to stop her. But, then I worried about the fallout of that. In the end, I just removed my son from the area, and got him interested in something else. That's just one of the examples of moments that I've had to question exactly what the right thing to do is. In the end, I guees we all just have to muddle through as best we can, and hope for the best.
I am of the mindset that if a parent isn't parenting their child. I will.
More than once I have reprimanded (gently) another child for being reckless or down right mean, at the playground or at an indoor play place. I generally say something like "Excuse me, You are not playing nicely right now, everyone wants to have fun and it's hard to do that when you are hitting/not playing nice, please stop" If that doesn't stop them I will ask them where their grown up is, and walk them over to the parent and tell the parent that the child is doing whatever. I have only ever had one parent get cross with me over it, and it was more because I don't think she wanted her coffee and internet time interrupted than the fact that I pointed out her child was misbehaving.
Yeah it gets alittle more touchy when your out in public and someone elses kids are acting up. A friends children or your family members children thats one thing. It can get Touchy with strangers children. I may say somthing to the parents if it was neccessary, but not the child. L. O'Neil
What you did was totally acceptable. If I was watching someone else's child I would only go as far as to put the child in time out. They have to behave while with you, but anything beyond that is up to the parent to take care of. That is my opnion.
Hi S.,
Well, I'm 43, and when I was growing up, if we were at someone elses home, it was automatically assumed that that parents of the children that I was playing with had the right to discipline me by scolding, sending me home etc., if I did something out of line. If those children were in your vehicle, then I believe you had every right to discipline them. Anyone's children that I have babysat for, I make it known that if I babysit, I have the right to correct their children if necessary, and I have the parents tell their children that so that there are no surprises when it happens. If children are in my car or home, I make them aware of what is expected, and if they misbehave, they know I have permission to discipline.
I hope this helps.
I'd say discuss with your friend what limits there are to your disciplining her kids when she's not around. For example, my best friend and I have an agreement that we treat each other's kids as our own. But we also know each other's parenting techniques. Parents know best what technique does/doesn't work for their kids so discussing it with them first is always best, not to mention it'll save you time and frustration.
For kids in public, I've had situations like this. Similar situation as your Chuck E Cheese: I took the little boy by the hand, asked him where his parents are, took him to his parents, told them what he'd been doing, and they thanked me and gave him time out on the bench. I was lucky that time. Some parents would just shrug and send the kid off again. In that case, I feel I have the right to protect my kid. In another situation, the parents were just too busy to handle things so when I caught the kid trying to hit my nephew I spoke sharply to him, "Hey! Nuh uh! Knock it off! I catch you hitting someone again and I'll be telling on of the workers here and they're going to send you home!" He was young, it worked.
As long as you're not yelling at the kid or threatening them physically, most parents aren't going to mind your telling them to knock it off. If they do, well, then they should have been paying better attention to what their kid was doing in public and they have no room for complaint if someone else steps in to protect their own child.
