I have a 10 month old boy who for the most part is great. He's walking, he's climbing, he's into everything and he's making me and my husband better housekeepers.
Typically my son plays in the living room. It's a big open space, and there's plenty of room for him and we have gates set up so he can't go into the hall way or the dining room. BUT we don't have anything blocking him from the fireplace and one other area. We had barricades up (okay so his car seat and a laundry basket) and it worked for awhile but now he can move/climb over them and it defeats the purpose.
We tell him "No" in a loud tone-not a happy tone and he'll look at you and smile. We say "Gabe. NO!" or "Don't touch" you get the idea and then you can tell that he is thinking about it and in the end will do it anyways. We have tried slapping his hand and he laughs and thinks it is a game.
What do you do? I don't want to hurt him, but he needs to know he can't do certain things. The latest thing is trying to pull a lamp off the table. And it's a heavy lamp and I'm afraid one of these days he'll succeed and it will fall on him. The other day the DVD/CD stand fell on him. He was okay, scared more than anything and what does he do? After I cleaned it all up he goes back to it. Sure, the easy answer will just be to move all of that so he can't get to it but that's not really teaching him anything is it?
The other big obstacle that we have is trying to dress him. He'll arch his back, cry, scream do anything he can so you can't even put a diaper on him or dress him. I've gotten rather good at putting a diaper on him while he is standing or trying to escape.
I'm sure a lot of this is the age and his want for independence and not wanting to sit still even for a second but telling him "no" and "stop" isn't working. So I'm all ears for any tips you guys can give me.
I would babyproof my home, especially the fireplace. A 10 month old needs a babyproofed house, not to learn by consequences to leave the DVD player alone.
i'd still vote for moving the dangerous items. we did for my daughter and she doesnt have any lost skills from not being told no over and over.
At 10 months they dont have the ability to fear the consquences of a fire or heavy lamp. i'd leave things that would'nt be severly dangerous for teaching lessons, but not something that could give him a concussion. Bring them back out when he's 2 and able to listen and understand better
we used a metal fireplace gate, it was a few hundred bucks but better then a kid with 3rd degree burns...you can probably buy them used on craigslist.
I'm sure some people will disagree, but I think 10 months is too young to use "discipline." He has the combination of mobility and lack of awareness that makes him liable to stumble into trouble. I don't think you can "teach him anything." You just have to watch him and stop him on-the-spot. Redirect his attention. This is a short-lived time in your life with your child when you have to be more vigilant.
I assume you've eliminated any other reason for why he doesn't want to be dressed in a diaper or clothes, he's not in any pain or discomfort, no constipation or diaper rash? If so it would be behoove you to address that.
You could get some good baby gates and use them judiciously to keep him from going into areas that are unsafe, and keep an open pack-n-play handy for if you need to step away momentarily and want to keep him safe.
I say again, this phase will pass quickly.
Distract and remove.
Distract him from the undesired behavior with a desired behavior. "Here, hold Mommy's keys while I'm putting your pants on."
After you've told him "No," remove him physically from the area he should not be in and place him in an acceptable place.
Repeat as many times as it takes. Eventually he'll get the point.
We had only one baby gate in the house. At the top of the stairs. The rest of the house, including the kitchen and fireplace were areas that both boys had to learn were off limits. I remember at one point they wouldn't even step on the linoleum in the kitchen because they knew they weren't allowed in there.
My basic parenting philosophy has always been to teach my daughter what she CAN do instead of focusing on what she CAN'T do. Across the board.
It has served me well in all areas.
Remember also that there is a difference between DISCIPLINE and PUNISHMENT and CONSEQUENCES. Discipline is coaching to achieve a desired result. Punishment is providing a negative result inflicted by someone in a position of power based on a circumstance or situation. Natural Consequences are what occurs when you do "something". Sometimes the natural consequence is good (mommy picks me up when I open my arms) and sometimes the natural consequence is bad (when I hit the coffee table it hurts).
SO - when he goes for the lamp.... redirect him "we play with THESE toys". When he goes for the fireplace "we play in THIS area".
You HAVE to put in your time. A 10 month old that is unsupervised is an accident waiting to happen. So you have to put in your time. It's exhausting and time consuming. But you won't have a 5 year old that can make good decisions on their own if you don't put in the time when they are young.
Good luck
Oh boy, at 10mos old, he doens't understand discipline yet, unfortunately.
He doesn't get consquences, and he thinks you're playing even when you yell at him. It's going to take awhile before you can actually discipline him.
For the time being, you just need to be firm. He responds to YOUR responses. When he gets a reaction out of you, he continues what he's doing. You can just remove him from the situation without saying anything. No emotional response from you = him focusing his energy elsewhere.
So when he goes to pull the lamp down, go get him and move him. Just say No, calmly, and nothing else. Then move him.
That's about all you can do for now.
Cognitively, he won't be able to start understanding discipline until around 18mos at the earliest.
I really liked The Discipline Book by William Sears (Dr. Sears). He discusses discipline from birth to age 10. His ideas with a little tweaking to fit my particular child worked great for me. My kids are now 4 and 6. You can find it on Amazon, I got it at Barnes and Noble, but that was 6 years ago. It really is a great book.
Oh, and my best technique to make my kids stop at that age was to say "Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah" sounds -- kind of like the "no" noise -- machine gun style -- if that makes since. It worked because it was a sudden unusual noise. First it shocked them, then they would laugh. But they always stopped. My daughter would even make her dolls "be naughty" and then make the ah ah ah noise to them.
Get some sort of gate for the fireplace. You can find them online in all sorts of colors and configurations. I'd move or block or secure things he can pull over - the lamp, the TV, the DVD stand.
If he fights you while getting dressed, have you tried making it a game? "What do we have here? Are they mittens? NO! Are they socks? YES! Where do socks go? On your feet! Can you show me a foot? Wow, you are awesome!"
And redirect, redirect, redirect.
Make your toddler's short attention span work for you. When your child throws the ball against the dining room wall for the 10th time after you've said to stop, it's pretty easy to redirect your child to a more productive activity, like trading the ball for a favorite book or moving the game outside... .. .
Let me first say that I am not a child development specialist or anything, but I have been through this four times with my own kids.
When you say, "Sure, the easy answer will just be to move all of that so he can't get to it but that's not really teaching him anything is it?". Go for that easy answer! He doesn't know the difference between toys and dangerous things yet. At 10 months, safety is more important than trying to teach him this stuff.
Babyproof as best you can. Which means remove the stuff.
Limit use of "no" to only the most dangerous situations.
Redirect, redirect, redirect.
First, try using the word "stop" or "freeze" instead of "no." It's more accurate and will cause less of a traumatic or joking response.
You could try showing him what to do and then praise him.
For example, he tries to pull the lamp off the table. You walk over and show him. "We leave the lamp here and touch the lamp gently." Then show him how to gently touch the lamp by physically directing his hand.
He goes over to the DVD stand. Again, show him how to touch the DVDs gently. Praise him when he does it. If he tries to do it incorrectly, then physically show him how to touch gently.
Teach him how to "freeze" when you use the word. Praise him for freezing. And then re-direct or show him what to do.
Children are willing to freeze if they don't think that something bad is going to happen. By praising him for freezing and then gently re-directing or showing him how to be gentle will make him more likely to respond in the future.
By showing them how to be gentle, you diffuse them wanting to do something they shouldn't. They know what they can do! Most young children are very good at being gentle once they are shown how.
Good luck!
