How to Discipline a 9 Month Old (If Thats What You Call It!!!)

Hello, Honestly in my opinion a 9 month old doesnt understand or needs to be disciplined. I suggest just holding her until she calms down, it is probably a phase and she probably comes out of it before you know it....

G.M.

I have a 12 month old. He will come up to me and give me a great big hug and then bite me! Out of love! I thought, what am I supposed to do when he is only 12 months old?? So, I went and bought a book which I am almost finished with and it is truly the best book I have ever read. It is called "Positive Discipline for the First 3 Years." It is all about good habits and positive means of teaching them things (being firm too) and not punishment. Many years ago there was not enough research done on the young brain to know that what sometimes "worked" also had negative long-term effects. Also, sometimes punishing suggestions don't really work, they just teach the child doubt in themselves and shame. This greatly reduces their self confidence. Now there are so many studies that have been done and issues are covered from tantrums to biting. It even talks about potty training. I have learned so many things about my wonderful son who has a very short attention span and is extremely active. Did you know that babies that tend to be happy sitting doing practically nothing, (the ones some parents refer to as "good") are the ones less likely to test their boundaries, therefore more likely to have low self esteem?? There are many ways to encourage them to engage in activities that promote brain development. I have learned so much about their young brains and how to understand when he gets frustrated and why, also why he might be stressed and how to best meet his needs. Being a parent is very difficult, we feel like we are just experimenting with our precious little ones to see what might "work." The book I am recommending also discusses different personalities and so much more. You are doing such a great job. This book recommends with an infant, to let them get their feelings out. They do not have the skills or means yet to control their emotions and communicate what they are feeling. It is reasonable to have a meltdown here and there. It is best to stay calm and wait till they are done, then comfort them. If they want an object that they should not have or you are in a store and they want something you have decided they should not have, don't give in, ever. If you have to make a trip to the car and hug them in the car until they calm down, then go back in the store and try again, so be it. You may have to make 3 trips to the car one day but they will learn that you are consistent and that meltdowns or tantrums are not the way to get it. They will also trust you and they will learn an important skill without feeling ashamed about something that is natural. We don't expect them to be potty trained when they are born, and should have reasonable expectations about behavior too. Discipline is very important, and different from punishment. Some of the suggestions of quiet time are also very helpful, as long as it is to make them feel "better" not "bad." Positive quiet time is very good. If they are negatively punished often and early, they are much more likely to grow up to be the rebelious teen, trying to find some way to find self confidence. We all want the best for our children and we are lucky we have wonderful tools available to us today!

If it only goes on for a few minutes and then stops, I'd put her somewhere that she can't hurt herself (like her crib), leave the room, and let her rip. It sounds like she already knows it's not going to get her what she wants, she just needs to vent her frustration.
I wouldn't try to cajole her out of it or offer her anything to make her stop - all that does is teach her that outbursts get attention, and sometimes get rewards.
And I definitely would not slap her hand (or any other part of her body). I don't believe in hitting children.

Hi G.M. and Happy New Year!

This advice is going to sound a little strange but it worked for my mother with my younger sister who too had a tendency to be independant and very willful at a very young age. I didn't have to use it with my children, but my mom said she only had to do it once.

Next time your little darling throws a fit, get a glass with a very small amount of very cold water in it. As she continues throwing her fit splash the cold water in her face...it'll startle her and she'll forget what she was angry about. (See, I told you it was odd) (In all humor another hint...lol...leave out the ice cubes!)

I remember reading in a book by Dr. Dobson, I think it was entitled "The Strong Willed Child", that you should walk away from her and she'll quit on her own when she doesn't have an audience. Impossible to do when in public but it's worth a try at home.

I hope you find the right method for you and your daughter...you are right, it needs to be nipped in the bud now or you'll really have a tough time with her as she ages.

Good luck.

W. Q

There's not much you can do with a 9 month old that she would understand as discipline. If redirection doesn't work, giving her some time alone in her bed or a playpen after telling her that her behavior is unacceptable would allow her to regain her own control.

I was lucky enough to have a space for a special playpen for behavior modification. Because my son had trouble with stimulation, the discipline playpen was smaller. I had nothing in it with color. It was lined with all white. The floor was covered in a shaggy white bathroom type rug. He had a couple of cuddly things in there that were also as close to all white as I could find. At one point, I just made simple white shaggy pillows that were huggable. He would sit and stroke the shaggy textures and calm down almost immediately. When he got older, I fixed up a small half bath the same way.

My 15 month old is the same way.
If he wants something he will throw a fit.
When he does this i try to distract him with something else.
If that doesnt work then i let him have his melt down and just ignore it.
He throws himself on the floor.
I think they do it to get what they want.
So they think if they get upset enough we'll give in.
So i ignore it and after a few mintues he calms down and plays or whatever.

Hey G.M.

I just perused the other responses, but I have to say that I completely disagree with Grami's violent means. I am a Christian and found her Bible reference of switching awful, not to mention you are dealing with an infant.

I have never written in a reply anything about another poster but I can not say enough how much I diagree with grami. Remember to discipline your own child the way you would want your sitter to. I would be darned if someone laid a hand or switch on my kids. Also slapping her hand is modeling behavior that it is okay to hit. It is not. Practice what you preach, live the example you want your child to be.

I would ask you to message me your # and I would be glad to call you and explain some wonderful and loving behavior modification techniques.

Since your question leaves out info I would need, I will just be broad with my reply.

Does this "tantrum " occur everyday, at a certain timeframe of the day, after certain foods, or after a stimulating day?
Backarching is a sign of reflux or belly gas.
Babies that are inconsolable usually have something going on and should be brought to the attention of thier doctor.
I have many questions in order to give more specific advice.

None the less, I do think that babies do NOT understand what adults should. However they can learn basic associations much like that of animals. Based on primal needs they cry when hungry, you feed them then they learn to associate the natural cry as a way to express hunger. Again, it happens naturally but they soon learn the link.

At the young age of your child I do not think she can yet reason her behavior, but if there is absolutely no medical explanation for this behavior and your child is not hungry, gassy or in pain, then by all means place her in a safe spot like her crib and remain a safe distance for checking on her. Collect her as soon as she stops the tantrum and she will be able to learn the association of tantrum equals crib, pleasantness equals mom. Again, make sure it is not something else.

I am mom to the most well behaved 3 yr old and infant. People constantly tell me how good she is in stores, etc. She is only timed out when needed. No spanking in my house. Just love, security and never feeling the people she trust would hurt her.

PS. I am a strong willed adult, was a difficult child and now am raising a mini me. God bless my mom!
-MB

Hi there! First of all, this is very normal at this age. She is just testing her boundaries. The temper fits are just a way to get attention. Even scolding her or swatting her is a form of attention. What I find best with my kids (of any age) is to totally IGNORE the tantrum. Its a little hard to do, but just walk away and make NO eye contact. Even if she follows you around, just keep walking away. Eventually she will get the idea that the fits are getting her nowhere. Good luck and I hope this helps!

A. K

a 9 month olds main desire is your attention. when she does that put her down and walk away. it's going to make her scream louder at first but eventually she will stop. I'm also not opposed to a little swat on the leg for such behavior but some are.

She's too young to understand most discipline. I don't believe in spanking or hitting of any sort so I can't suggest hitting her hand. A normal time out probably wouldn't work at her age. But a modified version where you simply put her down in her playpen or someplace safe that isn't far away from you and turn your back (pretend to ignore her) may be enough to get her attention. Saying something to the effect of "if you're going to act like that I'm not going to play with you".
That may be enough shock value that she calms down. To me that would be the goal at 9 months, just to shock her a little bit so she realizes that having a fit is not a good idea, but again I don't condone hitting of any sort.
Hope that helps.

I would just ignore her when she behaves that way. She may be trying to get a reaction from you, and without an audience, she may give up. As long as she doesn't hurt herself, just walk away. That's what I've tried and it works some of the time.
Good luck!