How to Deal with Rude Step Children on Holidays/ Family Events

She's 18. I was there once. I HATED HATED HATED my stepmother. But after college and a few years after that I came to realize that my stepmother had her own issues and insecurities... we all did. And I see now that she really takes care of my dad and is there for him, etc. She has always sent us cards for birthdays, christmas, easter, etc. I now have a decent relationship with her. Don't push things. Just make sure your door is always open. You can't do anything. The more you push the more she will push away. Just be nice to her and if she is rude to you then it is your husband that needs to say something. Like ... Luka made this wonderful meal, the least you can say to her is thank you. I wouldn't make issue with your stepdaughter, but with your husband. You could tell her that you don't appreciate being treated badly and that the least she can do is pretend to be a nice person, especially in front of your little kids. 18 is still young. She needs to grow up and lose her resentment and anger. She is probably still taking out her parents divorce on you.

For holidays, pack up the Hubby and head for Cancun, or the Caribbean or where ever you can enjoy being married to each other without dealing with all the adult his/mine/our children. Respect breeds respect. If you insist your children respect your husband, he should do likewise with his. As for the drama queen step child, she doesn't have to like you, but she can at least be civil.

Sorry but I would treat her the same as she is treating you. She is not a small child but a women. I would tell hubby she needs to respect you in YOUR house. I would not care if he is defensive on not....that would be something he would have to deal with. I wouldn't care if she was late either, she can eat it cold. But you do deserve a "Thank you". My daughter is like this with her dad also, he walks on water. She is civil with her stepdad, civil with her step mom. But it works because she is respectful. That s what your stepdaughter needs to be.
One thing you did point out is when she entered YOUR home is that you were not greeted with a hello. That is so rude, I cannot stand that. I would speak to hubby about her rudeness. Good luck!

This is a tough situation and I think you are being empathetic to her feelings. I suggest you talk to your husband - his coddling and giving in to her seems to be what encourages her behavior. She knows he'll give in so why listen to you? Sorry to sound so direct. Bottom line, talk to your husband. What does he think? Try to work out some boundaries/guidles you can both consistently adhere to with her. Good luck!

I think you did everything right, with the exception of the 20 questions. She was invited, she didn't show, you ate, and when she showed up she ate by herself. Her father catered to her and at least it wasn't you. I would just carry on when she is around, I mean carry on as you were. Say hello from the couch and keep watching your show. If she is going to come around, she will. I just wouldn't go out of your way to show this new activity off. Perhaps slowly the two of you will come around at a later time.

I know this is a hard situation for you, and I am sorry for that. Have you tried just letting her come to you? Sometimes a child of that age needs to be treated the same way she/he is treating other people to realize that they are exhibiting bad behavior. I wouldn't bother trying to engage her in conversation, let her come to you. She is used to you trying to help/interact with her, and by stopping she is going to wonder what's going on, and she has nothing to be rude about if you don't engage. This may bother her to the point that she asks her dad about it, and at that time he can explain to her that if she can't be civil/nice/respectful to you, then you have nothing to say to her. Make sure you speak with your husband before doing this, though, so he is aware of your feelings. This tactic worked wonderfully with my stepsister and my mother. She was terribly rude and always made my mom feel like a "second-class citizen". My mother finally just said "Forget it, I'm done trying. I have nothing to say to her if she can't be decent to me." It took about a week for my step-sister to ask our dad about it, and he told her that if she couldn't be decent to other people, she shouldn't expect people to be nice to her. Her tune changed pretty quickly after that.

Hope this helps, and good luck to you!

Wow this is super tough. Really the only solution is speaking again to your husband. If you can't get him to see the problem I'm not sure how you can fix it. I know you say he is blind to her but can you point out specifically last nights dinner? Can you tell him. I realize she is your DD and you love her, but if you don't tell her to show me a little respect and common decency I will have a very difficult time having her in our home. Ask him why he allowed her to come in ignore you, eat in the kitchen and then jump to her attention to give her a ride? Seems he has daddy guilt. However she is 18 years old. She is old enough to grow up and see that everyone has moved on but her. Do you have any sort of relationship with his ex-wife? Could you ask her what you could do to make your SD more comfortable? Sounds like she figured out how to get her way and daddy is enabeling the behavior. You have to get hubby on your side or I fear this will continue till she finds a BF to distract her or something else to interest her, instead of manipulating daddy. I wish you luck this is a hard one.

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To be honest....... NOTHING will change unless your husband and you get on the same page. You need to have a heart to heart with him. HE needs to be the one to lay down some rules about respect. And HE has to be the one to enforce those rules since they are his children. Good luck.