How to Deal with Being Friendless and Insecurities

It's natural to be somewhat isolated when you get married and start having babies, especially when all of your friends are still single, childless and working. I went through something similar for a while.
But I wonder about your husband. How often is he going out, and does he have other activities/habits? I mean the occasional "let's meet for a few beers" is one thing but it shouldn't be his main thing. My husband worked full time, worked out/played basketball or golf three times a week or so, but other than that he was mostly home. Of course he never really cared much about barhopping anyway. but I don't think I would have liked it if he was going out all the time, well that is unless he was getting a sitter and taking me with him!
Take a look at your lifestyle, and try to incorporate some healthy, family friendly activities into it. We ALWAYS did something as a family on the weekend, outdoors, hiking/biking to the park, or going to the beach, taking a picnic and making a day of it. Once we started meeting other couples with kids (which took some time) we'd do things with them too, dinners and BBQs, stuff like that.
And get out of the house during the day, go to the park, library story time, sign up for mommy and me classes, that's how you'll meet people!
Oh, and I wouldn't call my husband my "best friend" (I have one of those already!) but I will say when our kids were little he really did prefer spending time with them, and me, to being with the guys. But he was a little older when we got married, 32, and he was totally into having a family, he was just ready and very present. His party days were long behind him.

Go to a music class or gym class for toddlers. In today's world, there are plenty of them around. You will meet other Moms. Don't you have neighbors? You need to put yourself out there, there is no reason why you cannot meet other people. You live in California. You are not snowed in like we here in the NE can be. Get out, talk to people. I see no reason why your husband cannot go out, every now and then.

Join a mom's group. You need to be with other moms with the same aged kids. Try MOPS.

Many, many years ago when I was your age (it feels like a long time ago at least) I had a boyfriend that read Maxim magazine. I love to read-so I read that too. There was once an article about why men tell their women all about their cheating friends discrecions. That article has stuck with me for years! It makes them look better to tell us what whores their buddies are. Maybe that's not your case-maybe you've seen the brother with others? Either way, let him go out occasionally. It's good to have a break, and to show you trust him.
As for the friends-sometimes you find them in the least likely ways. We now have friends that are a couple (finally) and met them through our neighbor (her daughter). I have one I met at the library toddler time, one at the bus stop, etc. Don't let life get you down. Get a sitter (or do it on Sunday) and go to the gym, one of my best friendships was created as a gym rivalry!
And yes, my SOs friends are all single. He recently went out of town with one (overnight to another state for a death in the friends family) and the
kids were more upset than I was. I thought it was nice to have the whole bed for one night.

Are you home with your daughter during the day? If so, sign up for a mommy and me class, or a stroller walking group, or a mom's meet up group like (MOPS). You will find other moms that you have something in common with. If you meet someone you think you'd click with, give her your number. They are all there for the same purpose; to get out of the house and meet other moms.

As for your insecurities, I would feel the same way. Even though I go out with my friends a decent amount, they are all married moms like me. If my husband was going out with single people or cheaters all the time, I'd be very unhappy about it.

Couple thoughts:

• your childless friends will be back around. In time. Your life is. Wry different from theirs right now.

• join a moms group. MOPS, etc. for adult interaction. You might make some friends, too. Join a mommy & me exercise class, go to library story times. MEET OTHER MOMS!!!

• just because the men your husband is friends with are cheating, it doesn't mean he is too.

Not meaning thick to he snarky, but get a life of your own will do wonders for your self esteem and confidence.

I think that many of us find ourselves in similar situations. You are really busy and you frankly just don't put the time and energy into friendships that you did when you were single and childless. I remember it being so easy in college to make friends because I lived on campus and I was always around people. Now, I work full time and have two kids, a house, and a husband. Most all of my available energy goes into these things. I have tried to put myself out there and get together with Moms from my children's school. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.

I don't know about your H cheating but it's not a good atmosphere.

My H and I spend most of our free time together. If he only had one day off, I'm pretty sure he would spend it with me and our kids. I would expect it, I know. Doesn't mean occasionally we wouldnt both go out with friends or separately with friends, on occasion.

Be that girl. There are many people out there starving for a friend. You might even find a married friend who could go out with you both as a couple. Nobody would have friends if you don't try. School is a great place to find someone with common interest. If the first couple of people don't work out, keep trying! Just make it female friends!

*ETA: So, your Husband is not realizing, he has a child and is a Dad. Now. Life changes. He has to grow up. He has not, grown up nor become a "Man." AND does he realize... that he is a "role model" for his child? In the long run, a daughter will "see" how her Daddy is... and even if he has bad habits and attitudes toward his child and family, your daughter will see and observe that too. He is the "male" role model, for his daughter. And being a Dad and Spouse, he has to prioritize. That.
Men/Dads/Husbands... ALL have to, ALSO mind the home, help at home, raise their child, help them when they wake up, feed them, do the laundry, and be, a Dad. HE.... made his daughter too. It is not just a temporary thing to have. It is a lifetime, responsibility.
Since he is saying you hold him back... well what from? From becoming a responsible Dad and adult? Or holding him back from acting like an overgrown Teenager?
Only he, holds himself back... from BEING... a Dad. And Spouse. And, partner in all of this.
He has a daughter now.
And he is a part of a family.
He does not realize that.
And only he... lets bad influences and "fun".... influence him or not. Per what he is, as a Dad and Spouse.
Life, is not just partying.
He has not grown up.
Spouses/parents can go out. With friends who are single or married. But hopefully, the Spouse can think on their own and are also doing their responsibilities and not just acting like a tenant who just happens to have a wife and baby on the side at home.
Even married friends, can be jerks and party-ers.
It is... what you choose to be like or not. As a person.
And it is, who you choose... to be friends with or not.
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How can your Husband be going out... when you are going to night school and the baby is home?
Who is watching your baby when you are not home and need time to study and keep up with school and your grades?
Who is doing all the housework and cooking and caring for baby, when you are not home and are at school at night?

You are a parent.
Your Husband is a parent.
And there is also the thing that, once an adult, and once a Spouse and once a parent.... the individual has to speak up, and do what is best... for their FAMILY.
But, if a person has not outgrown the partying/teenage stage... then they will crave partying and playing around. Despite their "adult" responsibilities and child rearing responsibilities.
And then, being a parent and spouse... will become, secondary. Not the priority.

And, your Husband is his own person. Hopefully.
Who can decide on his own, through maturity.... who to hang out with or not. Depending on their character and habits. And lifestyle.
A person, chooses.
It is a choice.
You either be a follower. Or not.
Stand up for yourself or not.

Don't you and your Husband... talk about things????

Just because, a person has a friend/sibling that is a jerk or always parties... that does not mean, your Spouse will be like that, or become like that. Because, again... an adult, can make up their own mind. And be just like them or not. Unless your Husband is so weak minded and weak in character... that he will just be a copy-cat and be like them, just for the sake of hanging out.
NO one FORCES you to party and cheat.
It is a choice.

The game changes, one a person has a child, and becomes a parent.
Hopefully your Husband realizes that.

We have all kinds of friends. Single or married.
Some, have a partying problem.
So hence, we do not hang with them. A lot. Or not anymore.
Why?
Because... they have DIFFERENT lifestyles than us or my Husband, and we just don't click with it. Been there done that, when we were single, etc.
My Husband is 'smart' enough to know that.
Me too.

Again- don't you and your Husband... talk about things and life????
And how to raise your baby?

Have you tried meeting other adult moms, who are in Mommy groups?
This is how many busy Moms, meet others.

You need to go places where you will meet other moms to make friends. Your single, young, childless friends are probably no longer compatible with you. Find out where the playgroups are, sign up for story time at the public library, start going to the gym and use the child care and hang around the local playground. These are all great places to meet other moms and to entertain your child.

part of the problem is that you are not in an age group that is having children. If you were in your early thirties, then the people in your age group would be popping out kids too. By the time your old friends start going through early parenthood, your kids will be school age and you'll be looking for more adventure and have more freedom than they will. Your going to need to find some mom friends. I know, easier said than done. I transitioned to mom friends from church groups and woman's bible study. The CBS bible study I did is International and offers child care. So it was a nice break in the day for me and offered me many friendships which were deeper than the sort of friendships that you develop from meeting moms at the park.
Yes its true, some men are done will all their horsing around, and actually want to spend most all their free time with their wives. But don't dwell on that or you will be miserable. You didn't marry one of those.
Don't let people make you feel bad because you are concerned about what your husband will do while out with the guys. Sorry, but if alcohol is involved, and you aren't at your husbands side, there is a danger there. You should be concerned.

The ladies on here have some good ideas about how to meet friends. My advice as far as your husband goes, it's ok to let him go out once in a while, but, even it out with a date night for the two of you. It might make you feel a little better in your relationship to know hubby appreciates you and has eyes for only you. Make him realize how good he has it, versus his friends who may seem to have it all, no responsibility at home, but , the rewards he has from his family at home and a wife who loves him far out weigh all the "freedom" they have.
C. S.