How to Deal with a Mother-in-law That Has Nothing to Do with Me.....

I would definately do the mature thing if I were you, (and I know that sometimes that is easier said than done) but at least you would get it out in the open and she would know how you feel. If you have to put it in writing so it is easier than face to face do so but I would definately do it.
But as far as your feelings about her talking to you or she won't be able to have contact with your son. I don't think that is fair for your son, your husband or your mil. But mostly your son. I'm not on good terms with my dad right now, (or ever really) but I always tell them if they want to come spend time with the girls they are more than welcome to do so. I just want them to be respectful of me and ASK me.

Don't take things so personally. I have been wih my husband for over 10 years and I almost never talk to his mother. That's just how she is, it's not that we don't get along when we do see each other. Also, it is not fair to your son to threaten to keep him away from his grandma just because you are feeling left out. Besides what is MOST important is your relationship with your husband and your son, not your mother in law.

Hi J.,

I wanted to let you know that I commiserate with you, having been in the same boat for a few years. With that said, let me say I think you need to think some more about your situation. I find it best to think from the other person's perspective. Your MIL has not met you too many times. She doesn't know you, and it sounds like her personality is a bit reserved and probably shy. Perhaps it is she who doesn't know what to say to you, and is worried about how you perceive her. It could very well be that she is as concerned as you about getting to know her. Your husband says she's always been that way, so I wouldn't take it personal how she treats you. I suggest some communication is in order.

We can't depend on our husbands to be the go betweens. Rather than writing letters, I suggest either calling her, or when you see her, talk to her, about your feelings. Take her to lunch, or go shopping together. Speak from your perspective, how you are feeling. I'm sure you'll be surprised by the outcome...happily so.

You not only married your husband...but his family as well...as he did yours. You need to nurture the relationship, as you did with your husband. Give it some time. Also, regarding her comments about spoiling...don't worry too much about that. ALL parents say that to their children about grandkids. Compared to how they grew up, or raised their own kids, we our raising our children in a completely different society, with different expectations, etc. about discipline and so forth. Also, you are probably a bit sensitive about her and anything she may say...because of the fact you don't know where you stand with her.

Sorry for the long essay. :) Hope it helps. I wish I could find help for my own situation with my in-laws.

I have to say that Kristi and Jennifer have the right idea.

I have the mother who just doesn't know what to say to my husband. She LOVES him, she just doesn't think he wants to talk with her because he's got a different personality. When she calls, she is polite to him but really just wants to talk to me and/or her grandson.

I wouldn't really take your MIL's actions to heart. Give her some time to warm up, keep being nice and try to slowly engage her into conversations. What are some of her hobbies? Anything that you enjoy or would like to try? Compliment her flower arrangements, her garden, whatever. I found that this has been best for my husband and mother, they both like country music...so that is what they talk about; for now...it's something they have in common besides their love for me.

Whatever you do, don't push the relationship with her and don't threaten; as long as she is being polite in her not talking to you. Now, if she turns out to be an "evil twit" as I like to say, :) and you use threats and keep her from your son, it's your husband and son that will feel the hurt the most and it will just poison your relationships in the family.

As far as her saying that you spoil your son... maybe that is the best she can do in conversation right now. Not to mention that that is what people do...especially when they've forgotten what it was like when they were new mothers. Times are different now so just keep that in mind. In fact, I heard a great comeback to "those" people: Smile and say, "Thank you for your input. I'll(have to)think about that". Or, "I will keep what you've said in mind, but for now I'm still learning this motherhood thing and the pediatrician says he's doing well so I must be doing something right!" :) and kind of laugh it off.

Basically, be the bigger person, take the high road and all that jazz, she'll come around. And if she doesn't, it will be her loss and everyone around you will see that you've tried. Good luck!

Don't beet yourself up over this. the mother in law never likes the wife. That's only because you've replaced her part in your husband's life. you can't change her especially not with threats. that's just gonna make her talk bad about you to your husband and that will start a feude with them and you. and it will be worse than it is now. I'd just relax. some people just don't get along.

When me and my ex were together I made him move out of mommy's house at 27 years old. pay bills and become a man. she hated me.I was taking her baby out of the house and she did not like that.

His mom never did anything for our daughter. never got any b-day prestents no christmas. in fact on her first christmas she was 9 months old her grandma bought $200 worth of clothes and other gifts for daddy and NOTHING not even a card for my daughter or me. I bought her stuff. she claimes that she can't be his baby because she is'nt a BOY(she was concived in there house). And when I found out my son was a boy she said GOOD with attitude as if she would'nt love it if it was a girl. Well for cristmas the year after my son was born(he was 1 month old) she got him toys and a card with money in it my daughter got nothing. I threw out the toys in front of them to show them how rude that was. My poor daughter does'nt get anything for cristmas ever from them. when we bring them to visit daddy(cuz he lives there now) they don't hug her or talk to her or anything. She looks just like him. This family does not care about us at all. They never call to see how the kids are. They only call when they need to borrow money from me. and I don't even get child support. I can't belive they even ask me for money. you think you have it bad. when we were living in his parent's house I had no job I was pregnant and a stay at home mom and my ex had to stay home from work because his mom kept calling the police kicking me out.

I know that there are familys out there that are differant but some mom's don't want the kids to leave the house and they try to blame other's for that. You just happen to be one of the others. I know how you feel. but this is like that raymond show. it's just how she is and you can't change it. just don't let it get to you because that's what she wants. she wants it to hurt you so bad that you leave your husband. she probably thinks he deserves better but that's true for all mom's.

Monster in laws!! Oh aren't they fantastic?? I have an unreasonable amount of unwanted advice from all of the older women from my boyfriend's family. His grandma asks why I am not giving him water (he's 2 months old), says we should be feeding him solids, and his aunts tried to give him ice cream which is a huge no-no!! And any protesting I did was quickly overridden. Yes, it's frustrating. But bite your lip, smile, and thank them. Let them know it's YOU who is the parent and you'll follow your own mothering ideas. If they try to quip back that "they don't know anything", ignore it. They just miss having a baby around and are trying to live through it with yours. Don't be afraid to let mom-in-law know your feelings, but try to be nice for hubby's sake. And keeping your baby from MIL will just create even more unnecessary conflict. This is one thing you will not need with the stress of having a baby!

Hi J., I totaly feel for you I to was in the same boat with my husband mother. I met her once and said hello once to her. she never came over except to borrow money from my husband to pay her rent,utilities ect. finaly my husband said the bank is closed. then from that point she had nothing to do with either of us so i felt that she was punishing my husband thinking maybe i was the one who told him we were not paying her bills no more but it wasnt me.it was his choice. so when my husband called her to tell her we were getting married she said she wanted to talk to him first. he said no what you have to say you can say in front of my future wife. so we sent her a invite she did not show up to her own sons wedding. but 8 months later she showed up to my husbands step brothers wedding.which hurt my husband and what hurt him even more was that i was 8 months pregnant and she new this was her first grand child she stood next to me and did not say one word to me.my husband was so mad.he told me later that day that is how she is that when he was with his girlfriend of 4 1/2 yrs before he met me she had nothing to do with her for 3 yrs then one day she just started to talk to her.i think it was a way to try and control my husband. but when she saw that wasn't going to happen she could no longer win at her game.its sad but some people are just like that. now 7 yrs later she called my husband and said she was sorry and wanted to start all over she even asked my husband if she could call me on my cell and to say she was sorry. so one day i get this call and i was so surprised by it all but we had a long talk and now her and i talk more than her and my husband does. i just told her how i felt that i wasnt given the chance to get to know me and i felt judged. and she was afaid that i thought of her in a different way. so i say call her ask her if this would be a good time to talk that you have some important words you would like to talk about.i would just get it all out so you are not feeling uncomfortable at the holidays with her that way you can say to your self i did everything i can to make this work then leave it up to her but dont use your son as a pond it will only make things worse. good luck sorry this is so long.

HONEY! ..... SHE IGNORES YOU!.....(THAT IS WHAT YOU THINK?) EVEN BETTER !.... YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY WE WOMEN WILL BE IN OUR FAMILY IF ALL THE MOMS IN LAW ACT THAT WAY ONCE THEY ARE IN YOUR FAMILY BUSINESS THERE IS NO WAY THAT YOU CAN GET READY OF THEM. BELIEVE ME. GO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND KEEP YOUR POSITION AS THE WIFE OF THEIR SON.
ps. pretty good thanks, how are you? fine thanks. those are my best friends with my in laws i dont get too close, or elaborate nothing when sometimes i talk to them. SOMETIMES! EVEN BETTER. LOL. it help me to keep my marrie toguether and happy we all are!!

GOOD LUCK

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOURS

Well, at least she asks how you are doing. That is something you can build on. My mother-in-law and I have just started really getting along the last year. My husband and I have been married four years, together for 6 years and have a two year old son. I think what finally helped is that one of her own daughters got married. We still don't see eye to eye on evertyhing but we do now enjoy spending time together (I think). I now sometimes call her for advice about our son and that seems to help too. I think she appreciates that I reach out to her and show her that I value her advice.
Still, it was tough the first 6 years and my husband often felt caught in the middle and that is the part I am most sorry for. Whatever my mother-in-law or I did that made each other feel bad, he is the one that felt the worst. I hope those days are now over.
I wish you luck and hope it will get better with time. If you continue to be polite and respectful to her, she will eventually have no choice but to capitulate or everyone will think she is a big jerk.
Good luck!