How to Deal with 2Yr Olds Who Ignore Your Questions ?

Touch them, look them in the eyes before asking the question. They just need a bit of help to focus.

Start with touch. That is, make sure you have their attention before you ask the question. A simple squeeze on the shoulder and a comment about what they are doing sometimes helps, for some kids. "I see you built the blocks into a stack." " I see you wrapped the scarf around the baby." Connect where the very young child is at. Youngsters are only starting to develop the ability to multitask and their attention is on what they are doing, not what you are saying.

Then, ask one simple question. "Would you like a glass of milk?" When kids are in the habit of being unresponsive, I would make sure to offer a single item, not a verbal choice.

If no response, ask the question again. "Would you like a glass of milk? 'Yes please', or 'No Thank you'." Now, you've asked the question again, and you have cued them in to the appropriate response.

At this point, no response, then don't get out the item. The child might need a minute to think on it. Some toddlers and preschoolers do-- it's that the receptive language might be harder for them to absorb than for other children. I've seen this within my toddler and preschool groups. If the child waits a minute and then says they want the milk, just get the milk. Remember--this isn't a manipulative power struggle for them, it's just that their brains don't have the experience in language to work as swiftly as ours do. (I remember this every time my husband starts talking about his IT work-- it's an esoteric language I have to really think about and I can't always keep up with him.)

Another thing I do is not to ask questions about food or other items if I can offer them. Food-- I prefer to offer choices at the table, because they are visible and tangible. And because I'm mom/teacher and know what the kids need.

Also: questions in and of themselves have a different structure than our other spoken language. Our intonations when we ask questions is different, and we are asking them to make a decision, which can be a challenge for some youngsters.

My biggest tip would be simply: never ask a question which isn't really a question. If you need to get into the car, it's better to say "It's time to get into the car" and not 'Are you ready to get into the car?" We fall into a politeness trap with rhetorical questions, and provide our children a great time to practice their "no". NEVER present a choice when there is no choice. It's always better to own your decision and let them know "it's time to....". Likewise with many things. Unless they are sad or hurt, or it's conversational ("Do you see the red bird?") I don't ask a whole lot of questions as I parent. I always think of it this way: we are supposed to be in charge. If we ask too many questions about what to do, our kids might become unsure that *we* don't know what to do. When it comes to parenting: Lead, guide, and don't consult the child *too* much! They expect US to know what's up!

You need to start your requests or questions with "listen to my words".

Or "look at me when I speak to you."

"I need to see your eyes while I speak to you."

" Tell me what I just said."

Yes it is normal for lots of kids because they are so busy doing what they are doing, they block out everything else. They are learning to concentrate on what they are doing,.

You will need to make sure you have their attention before you speak with them.. Also in our house, we do not yell across the house. We each walk to the person to speak with them. This will help in the future so you do not end up with the constant yelling in the house.

You then also need to do the same with your children. When THEY are speaking with you, you need to look at them and to pay attention to them. Not that you do this but, I am amazed how many parents tune their kids out and then get upset when their kids tune THEM out.. They are modeling their own parents..

Best thing to do is get their attention by using their Name, once they are actually making eye contact with you and you know that you have their undivided attention ask your question.

You need to get down on their level, look them in the eye and ask your question. 2 yr olds are busy... their minds are working 100mph...
Put your hand on their shoulder and ask them to look at you... sometimes the hand on the shoulder is enough.
YMMV
LBC

My son is 2.5 also. He tends to not answer if the answer is yes. I have to remind him that he has to tell me yes or I don't know what he wants. He will usually nod then. He almost always answers no if he doesn't want what I offer.

Take a parenting class, learn about child developmentat stages, and get some good books like "1-2-3 Magic". Getting support and tools will make all the difference in the world. Too many parents still buy into the belief that we should just instinctively know how to parent and that getting any help means there is something wrong with us. Both of those beliefs are just lies.

Thank you, Hazel W, for your considerate and gentle approach to this problem. I was inclined to go the "you must give me an answer" route or simply make the choice, but why make demands that will only lead to a power struggle or risk prematurely making a choice that the child would naturally make him- or herself given an appropriate opportunity to do so -- realizing of course that we don't always THINK we have a few more seconds. I'm VERY guilty of that but no one likes to be forced into a split decision, especially if a question comes when your mind is wrapped up in something else).

A gentle touch and recognition of what the child is involved in seems so darn evolved . . . why didn't I think of that?

If my son doesn't make eye contact (or simply ignores) my question the first time I ask, I call him by name and ask him to look at me, then I repeat my question.

My best guess is that they are at such an age when they get so engrossed with things, they don't want to be distracted.

Good luck!

Glad I'm not the only one who gets ignored. Drives me bonkers! My kids are 4 and 2.5 and they ignore me when I ask them questions, but they also ignore me when I ask them to do something. Like go inside the house so I can shut the door. Or quit playing with the water in the bathroom sink. Or take their dirty clothes (from which they just stripped in the living room) to the laundry.

My husband is worried because I end up yelling a lot, but I have no idea how to deal with it either. With actual questions I do end up choosing for them, but I have no idea how to get them to obey their parents (me!).

At least you can know you're not alone, right? :)

Make sure you have their attention first. Their hearings is fine, as far as the ear working, but the big thing for kids this age is that they aren't listening to what's being said, so they don't really hear.
I ask for eyes (eye contact) before I ask something when I can tell that my kids are too busy to hear me otherwise. As they get older, you can use other strategies to make sure they are really paying attention.

LOL LOL LOL.
Maybe if you just go ahead and make the decision, they'll chime in!?

My 8 yo STILL does this! I ask once or twice then I choose.

yep, normal. Just get down to them and ask the question 1 time. If they ignore you, then don't ask any more and give them what you want them to have. If they don't like it then they can have nothing or take what you gave them. It will be a very lllooooonnnnngggggg road but they will figure it out over time. My kids have done and sometimes still do it too. Or I'll give my 5 yr old 2 choices and he'll pick something I didn't offer and I tell him he either picks one of the two or gets nothing. Sometimes he walk off in a huff and come back later asking for one of the two offerings or he'll just pick one and be done with it. It's a battle of the wills and you just need to be stronger ;)

S.

My kids still do this sometimes. They just are too busy with other things. But my kids are 8, 6, and 4. So if I ask twice and I get no response when I know they hear me, they get in trouble. Or if I call dinner and they don't come, they don't eat until I'm done and able to help them. They need to learn that if they don't answer they don't get. They won't starve themselves or get too thirsty. And it's semi-normal for 2 year olds...and it's okay to get frustrated sometimes!