How to Cope with Being Parent and Teacher

Diet can definitely be a HUGE factor, and not just sugars (although that is an obvious one)--there are books about this but off the top of my head I can think of: caffiene, Nutrasweet, artificial colors/flavors, and not getting enough protein and the good kinds of fats (the brain needs fat).
I just want to say that I think video games and tv are the WORST possible thing you can give to a kid with ADD, there have been studies that show tv watching is actually part of the cause, because of the way it stimulates their brain--then everything else seems boring and hard because tv just basically spoon feeds the brain. At age 11 it might be a nonissue but for a younger child it is definitely something to avoid (I know, it's very hard to do that, I struggle with it all the time with my daughter and sometimes it's just to easy to give in).
Just something to be aware of...
Blessings,
Lynn

Congratulations on making a really hard decision for your family and putting your son first. That lets me know that you are genuinely concerned about your son.

My son is 12 and has ADHD. I know you said you fet the school did not try to find out what was wrong with your son, but they are really not able to. They have found a solution that will help your son and allow then to help others as well. I was mad when my son was first diagnosed. But the label has helped him as now we have a launching point from which to work

I do not put him on medication. He needs to learn to adapt so he can be successful as an adult, when they don't always prescribe the medication. I explain his problem to my friends by calling it "Something Shiny Syndrome". He gets bored quickly and will be entertained by the next shiny thing that comes along, which may be a kitten or a noise outside. He understands this happens, but cannot control it.

I use a digital timer, the ticking sounds of a wind-up added an additional pressure that he didn't need. He spends 20 minutes on each subject (homework) and after he is done I look over everything and then without a timer he and I correct his errors. At first he was slacking off during his 20 minutes but then realized it made the time when I was teaching him longer so he started doing better work. I give him a short break after each subject and again while I am helping him if it going to take awhile.

Diet does make a difference. He is not allowed refined sugar or corn syrups of any variety. It does mean I have to change my cooking and read labels but it has really made a difference in him. In all of us really, I can't afford to cook special for one person.

Please let us know what worked out. I hate to tell you to be patient, but that does help. Reading books on ADD and other learning issues helped me understand how to help him. Other mothers have recommended a great selection for you to start off.

Hi M.,
What I can tell you is that other parents have been successful in treating ADHD with nutrition - very successfully. What you learn for your own son might be beneficial to those you care for in your home as well. Please feel free to contact me off site if you want particulars. (____@____.com)

S.

I thought the same thing as another mom- who will push him if the school won't? You will. In fact, it may be easier to push him only half of the day instead of the entire day long. Just a thought. I do think you are right at figuring out what the root of the problem is. Have you considered taking him to Sylvan Learning Center or somewhere similar? They have testing that helps determine where his strengths and weaknesses are, and can help you gain the tools to help him. If it is ADHD, I'd recommend starting him on medication. If it works, great, if not, try something else. You really don't have anything to lose. Adderal (sp?) is one medication that I have heard works very well. My brother has ADD and takes it, and it helps him focus without the side effects of Riddalin. His mind is just all over the place when he doesn't take it, and he can't be productive, can't finish easy tasks because he doesn't know where to start, etc. If he is just lazy, try to figure out why. Is he bored? Is the material too easy for him so he doesn't find it enough of a challenge, or too hard for him so he gives up easily and decides not to try? If it is too easy, you can try to make it interesting and give him more things to challenge him. If it is too hard, you can use the summer to try to help him play catch up so he is ready for next year. If he is just plain lazy, you'll have to figure out what motivates him and use that to your advantage. Maybe a points system with a reward system would work for him. Set up the rules ahead of time- a good day (or whatever) is equal to so many points, and the reward is so many points. The reward can be whatever you want- he gets to choose what is for dinner, a trip to the aquarium, a pizza party with his friends, movie night, a special dinner out with ice cream, time at the arcade, a mini-vacation, whatever you think would do it. I wish you the best of luck. You have a lot on your plate right now. Good luck in nursing school. Nursing is a great profession to be in because you are always in demand, and you can pretty much pick your schedule. I love it! =)

It sounds to me like if he was placed in the special education program/classes at school then he had a Multifactored Evalutation (testing) that showed deviation of scores i.e. he has learning disability, etc. in one or more area. Legally he would then have an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) where he would most likely be in the regular classroom with the assistance of the regular teacher and special education teacher/intervention specialist. This to me is the best scenario for your son paired with you working with him at home as you have been.
If "laziness" is an issue it can be incorporated into his IEP so it is being worked on daily, as well as any academic issues.
Unfortunately private schools are not equiped to work with students with special needs or learning disabilities so the public school setting would be best for your son (they legally have to serve kids on an IEP).
If he was not evaluated then he shouldn't be in special ed classes and I would push for the district to test him if you suspect any learning issues. If nothing shows up then at least you can rule out learning factors for his lack of success in school. Also, if he was diagnosed ADHD then the public school can create a 504 plan for him.

M.,

Your son may not be lazy, he might just being struggling with being highly visual and not being able to comprehend verbal and written communication.

Check out Dr. Cheri Florance (http://www.ebrainlabs.com). She works with children and young adults many of which are diagnosed with add, adhd, pdd and autism as well as just being lazy.

Check out her book "Maverick Mind: A Mother's Story of Solving the Mystery of her Unreachable, Unteachable, Silent Son".
(http://www.amazon.com/Maverick-Mind-Mothers-Unreachable-U...)
This book talks about how her son was diagnosed with autism and the journey that she took along with her older two children to bring him to where he is today, a Chemical Engineering student in college.

On her website eBrainLabs.com you can find free eBooks that she has written (http://www.ebrainlabs.com/learningLibrary.do) or view several different videos (http://www.ebrainlabs.com/vvs.do)

I hope this helps,
Mel

I have a 10 year old who also has a difficult time focusing. Have you tried setting a timer right by him to remind him he needs to keep working with a set goal in mind? The kitchen timers are nice because he won't forget it is there when he hears it ticking away. This has worked with my son who has trouble completing his homework. Each assignment has a new time limit and he is rewarded with video games or watching t.v. (both of which are timed as well). Children with ADD can only handle one task at a time so the timer is set for each individual assignment. I've also told him after the first assignment you can take a break for a snack if completed on time, etc. My son is not on medication we just believe that he needs to learn how to control himself as everyone in the past had to do with ADD before medication was available.

I have heard of a great book that touches on the subject of ADD and nutrition that may be helpful. The book is called The Healthiest Kid Ever (I don't remember the author's name). This book specifically talks about how important it is to remove hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup from kid's diets.

The most important thing to concentrate on is a good, loving relationship with your son. If the task is too difficult to teach him and have a good relationship with him then maybe it would be better to put him back in school and make sure the school is giving him everything he needs to succeed.

Good luck!

While he is going to fight you now, in the end it will be worth it and he will see all you did for him. I wouldn't give up all that does is send a message to him that he isn't worth it. You have your hands full with everything you are doing but stick with it. You said it yourself if the school isn't going to push him, who will?, well you will. You need to one day he will see how important all that pushing was and he will thank you for it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

M., your son is not the only boy out there with problems in school. Many parents don't realize it is the school not meeting the needs of our boys. My son is 11 and has problems also. There is nothing wrong with him. He is not dyslexic, has not been diagnosed with ADHD. He is undermotivated. He can't do well in school so he gave up trying. He APPEARS to be lazy. But its really depression. He gets in trouble at school, not intending to, and then gets upset. I recommed that you read the book, 'The Mind of Boys, saving our sons from falling behind in school and life.' Its written by Michael Gurian. It has helped me tremendously with my son. I stopped getting mad at him once I understood exactly what was going on. I also was ready to do the online school. But once he starts middle school, he'll be changing class rooms every hour. Boys can't sit all day in one chair, in one classroom. They go to sleep when the teacher just talks. They need activity to learn. they also need to bond with thier teacher. So stop the battles. He is not lazy, he is discouraged. He has given up. DON'T YOU GIVE UP ON HIM. You are the only one on his side. The schools don't have the time and resources to help the few that can't pick it up the way they present it. You'll understand this better when you read the book. Keep reminding yourself, he's only 11. He knows he has a problem but doesn't have a clue how to handle it. I hope this helps. K.

I too have a child with learning disabilities and I have home schooled. In fact, the only reason we don't home school now is because my daughter, the child with LD's (CAPD, Dislexia, & ASD with ADHD tendencies) gets much better instruction than I could ever offer at her school. I don't know how far you are from a Summit Academy, but they are WONDERFUL schools. My daughter has excelled and become an entirely new kid since enrolling there. The schools accept anyone who is a resident in the State of Ohio who is diagnosed with ADD/ADHD or other learning disabilities, so your son would be eligible. Many families drive their children to the school, some well over an hour. That choice would be a personal one but I highly suggest looking into the school. You can find more information by visiting www.summitacademies.com Click on Our Schools, Campus Locations to see the schools closest to you and there are several other links for great recourses and information about the school.

Home schooling is difficult no matter how you slice it. You have to juggle not only being mom, but teacher too. Setting those boundaries and maintaining them is a tough job, only complicated by your son's ADHD and disinterest in applying himself. That could be due to his history in education. Maybe he just feels as if it's "not worth it" for him to apply himself because of his difficulties, how he's been handled in schools in the past, etc. There are so many things that could apply here. Finding the right techniques are key and I can say from my own experience with home schooling, standard public school at home situations are extremely difficult for kids with LD's, attention based ones are even worse. Curriculum's that focuses on multi-sensory learning is the BEST for kids like this. It uses all parts of the brain, it doesn't get as boring, etc. I used KONOS, a Christian (but easily used as a non-christian) curriculum, that utilizes unit studies and multi-sensory education. I found it very easy and MUCH cheaper than any other program. Learning to Read & Write is also an awesome English/Lit/Phonics program for pre K through college level. It's also very economical, being that it costs less than $50 and is a universal program through college level. Both curriculum's are easy to understand, easy to use, and easy to build upon if you want to come up with your own lessons as well. For math, I used Saxon math. It was the best for my kids and used multi-sensory as well. It does take a lot of time to home school using curriculum that isn't laid out by the school system, but it's well worth it. It sounds like you're very busy with school but I don't see why, with proper planning, you couldn't easily use these, or other, programs if you continued home schooling and I believe that changing the approach would be a benefit for you as well as your son. There are home schooling groups for ADHD home schoolers also, you may want to look into them. I know it's rough sometimes! Keep your chin up, it'll all be smooth sailing once you find the nitch that fits both of you.

As for his ADHD, there's lots of help out there. CHADD is a great resource and there are a lot of online and other groups and information collections. We use the Fiengold Diet and it's worked wonders. Also working with her doctors and teachers with suggestions on environmental adjustments, etc. My daughter doesn't take medication at all and to be honest, you'd never know she has this "disorder" now that we've implemented the suggestions and the diet, as well as found our own little things that work. I know many children still need meds even with these changes but many times at a lower dosage. Having a kid with LD's can be an adventure, a frustrating one sometimes, but still a positive one. There's lots of help and support out there, don't be afraid to utilize it.

M.,

I do not know what online education system you are using, but www.ohva.org is great. The lessons are fun. There is a Yahoo support board, too, and EVERYONE struggles with their students not wanting to do work at some time or another. The key is to find what he likes, how he learns, and offer some incentive. We mostly work for a paycheck or we would be doing something else with our time, so he needs a "paycheck," too. Using a timer so he can tell when a time period ends and then get a break can help.

Best wishes,
K.

M.,

Don't let this battle ruin the relationship between you and your son. If you continue to fight a power struggle, you will both end up hating eath other, well, not really, but your relationship will be adversarial and tense. You have to find what his "currency" is, what is REAL motivation is. Everybody is motivated by something, even if they seem lazy. Be careful not to get stuck by threatening that he has to finish such and such and can't do such and such until he's done. You will end up eating your words.

Go for time limits/constraints. Choose smaller chunks. Offer choices. Tell him he has to work for 20 minutes on his homework. When the time is up, that's it. Finished or not. Just keep that up for awhile...give it time. Things often get worse before they get better when trying a new strategy. Don't get mad. 20 minutes. That's it. Or 30 minutes.

If he really has ADHD, it is essential that you go for quality not quantity. Break tasks into smaller, more readily achievable goals. The big picture is overwhelming to them.

Give him the goal/assignment objective/chore and ask him how he would suggest meeting that goal/accomplishing task. Many people will be not agree, but if you have to let him squeak by with mediocrity in special ed, you might want to do that, but you MUST find other worthwhile activities that he can excel in! This is especially helpful if he is ADHD. Karate, skateboarding, chess, painting, building, horseback riding, dirtbiking, playing musical instruments, baseball/soccer/etc., Something. You may have to try different things, to find the one that clicks. Then maybe, just maybe, he will do better in school, but if not, you may have to accept it if you've tried everything else. (I'm not saying give in to what's easy. I'm just saying you can only force your child so far, then that's it. And you ruin your loving relationship. While you're not out to win a popularity contest as his friend, and he may be mad at you at times, you don't want him thinking that he absolutely hates you when he's a teenager. You will have even less influence over him.) Good luck! I know there's a good book out there on this by some reputable authors, but there's even more questionable ones, so be careful.)

I think the "preteen" age is really hard on a child to begin with. Plus hes been riped out of his school..then pushed in a public school and placed in special ed classes. Now hes at home with no friends, activies, sports,etc. I think he a bumed little man. Thats alot of a change and more that one. U r doing everything u can...sounds like ur a great mom to quit a great job as a single mother to help him out. :D I would get him to join a sport for the summer and even see a therpist for a while. Once he feels more self control and better about himself i think he'll start doing better. I c the same thing in my preteen brother that was put in special ed classes and now my mother had to place him in homeschool. Jesse is now more distance and is learning that he dont hv to face life or deal with it. Hes begining to sleep all day. Not do his work.,and so on. Luckly my sister whos in her 30s lives near by and is stoping in to ck up on him. I really wish the best for ur son before it starts with just this and windwheels downhill. U sound like a wonderful mother i would try to reach out and hv another set of helping hands...
takecare and post what happens later so others in the same boat can get some ideas.
R.