How to Calm a 3 Year Old Boy Who Can't Stop Being "Silly"

3 is the age of "silly". Enjoy it, and try to be silly with him when it's appropriate. It's a great stress reliever after a long day. :) Besides, these days pass all too quickly.

Paul, your son is three. :)

They are silly and fidgety and have short attention spans. This is normal behavior. But, there are things you can do.

When you go out to eat do you bring him things to occupy himself with? Small quiet toys, coloring books, etc. If he doesn't eat don't worry about it, just box it up and take it with you. I did that all the time when mine was little - heck, at 14 years old I still do it for him. If your son is not screaming and trying to run and climb all over the restaurant I think he is doing wonderfully. Remember, our little guys just don't get the point of sitting still and waiting for food. So help him out. (Um, the diaper most likely caused some of the squirming)

Bed time at home - he is probably excited to be at your house so his natural exuberance is higher. Give him bedtime alerts..."Okay son, bedtime after this show/activity/whatever is over"; "Heads up, bedtime in 15 minutes" Set a timer and when the timer goes off it is time to get ready. Brush your teeth with him, take turns brushing each other's teeth - make it fun but let him know calmly that it's going to get done. Give him time to adjust to a definite routine. Let's face it, he has rules at Mom's house so he will be able to learn the rules at Dad's house. Just be consistent and calm.

Instead of telling him that his antics are not funny - since in another situation the same things probably do make you laugh, tell him they are not appropriate for the time/place. It's okay to be silly and goofy and run around the living room during play time. But teach him *when* that behavior is okay and when it is not.

It takes patience and love - which you seem to have both. :)
Just be consistent and remember that he is only a little boy.

Oh, I think it is great that your and your ex-wife are spending time with him together....it is sooo important that they see Mommy and Daddy co-parenting. Also, providing that united front will work well for you both when he hits the teen years. LOL

Happy Parenting.

Hi Paul,

I know you've had many answers already, but I also wanted to provide some information.

I am a parent coach and I have been working with preschoolers for 17 years. It is unrealistic for a 3 year old to sit still for more than 5-10 minutes at the most. They just are not developmentally able to.

This does not mean you cannot go out to eat, but it does mean you need to choose your destination more thought, and prep before you go.

Bring cars, playdough, crayons, and other small toys with you. Take a walk around the resturant before you sit and before you eat to help the fidgets. Play I Spy with him. Model the behavior you want to see by sitting still yourself.

The same is true about tasks you want your son to do. For him, life is a party, so make it a party. It's not a tooth bush, but an germ KILLING scrubber which will save your mouth and the planet from the DECAY MONSTER, Muhaahahahahhah! What little boy wouldn't want to fight off a DECAY MONSTER, Muhahahha = )

To recap, your son has an attention span of about 5 minutes, to if you know he'll need to sit still for longer than that, come prepared. And make life a game, and he'll do what you want.

Good Luck

R. Magby

Lesley B. said it perfectly! Read THAT again!

i think you already got a lot of advice but wanted to add that my son is three and restaurant lunch after church is too much sitting still for him. if we do that, we spend a good half hr at the playground in between :) that said, provided he isnt being asked to sit still for too long of a window, i dont think it is unrealistic for a kid to stay in their seat (not exactly still...but calm in the seat) at a restaurant. we bring matchbox cars, coloring/stickers or books, or other small toys to give him something to do, usually there are a few reminders but he usually does well. i think the important thing is to accept there is only so much quiet/calm time you get out of a three yr old boy and plan loud/active time around it.

for the teethbrushing and other things- we have struggled with that too. i say what we need to do, ask if he would like to do it now or in two minutes. he always picks two minutes, so in two minutes i tell him "it's time to.. whatever" sometimes he does it then, but if not he gets one reminder or a one-two-three count. i tell him what the consequence is and then he either does it or gets the consequence (usually taking away whatever he is doing instead, or what is coming up next if he wants to do it) occasionally there are itimes you just want to punt, but consistency does seem to working overall.

that said, if we have the time and can just make it fun, i will :) but if it is something that is not flexible or has to be done quickly i use the above method. it is helpful for me to be very clear and non emotional about what is expected and why

my good friend has been a nanny for twenty years. she says she loves 2 y.o., but calls 3 y.o. the 'terrible threes' so unfortunately working thru this is normal. it sounds like you have a good kid overall so hang in there.

good luck!

A tiny piece of advice: John Rosemond (parenting expert, "Making the Terrible Twos Terrific") says that toddlers don't process the word "not" very well. The absence of something is not a concept they can understand. So don't tell your son that his behavior is "not funny." Tell him to stop or sit still and eat. Always have a consequence in mind if he doesn't. (Yesterday, I got my two-year-old to sit at the table and eat by threatening to eat her banana if she didn't eat it.) And don't tell him until you're frustrated. Tell him. Remind him once (maybe). And then visit the consequence. You might end up taking him home early, but he will get the message that his behavior is unacceptable.

A three year old is not old enough to rationalize what needs to happen in a situation, but he is old enough to follow simple and reasonable commands.

Normal. He's THREE! Make sure he has activities to do at restaurants (crayons, books) and READ before bed. Very calming.
Also, it's very unrealistic to hand a 3 yo a toothbrush and expect him to brush his teeth.
Get creative.
Kids aren't little adults--they are kids!

sounds wonderfully normal to me. To aid in focusing that energy, find a game which appeals to his sense of humor & you'll find that life is much easier. Use your own humor rather than trying to clamp down on him, & be thankful that he's not pulling a full-blown temper tantrum!

As to the root of his behavior, he's 3. & while that should be the end of the subject, I believe in his case there's more: the luncheon you described was after church, right? Soooo he sat for at least an hour at church & then you still expected him to sit still at the restaurant......no way is that going to happen, Mom! Your expectations are not reality based! A McDonalds with a playland would have been a better option for him!!!

I say, "kudos" to him for being strong enough to stand up for what he really needs, for having a wonderful sense of humor/absurd, & for finding a way to thrive in a world of split families!

Try to ignore it. He's getting a reaction from you and he likes it. He may be having trouble adjusting to the changes from one house to another, and it may just be that he's 3 and a pain!! LOL. I think it is wonderful that you and your ex have a cordial relationship - that is so important for the child. Can you and she coordinate your bedtime routines so that you do the same things in the same order (bath, teeth, story time, whatever)? Can you use the same vocabulary as the other one so your son sees more consistency and realizes that the rules/routines are the same at Mom's house and Dad's house?

Restaurants are a problem - we had a small box of "restaurant toys" we kept in the car - small and quiet things that were only used in situations like that. Sometimes the novelty really kept our son occupied. At 3, they can't always do the puzzles on the kiddie placemats, so it's good to have something else.

Also, kids often don't eat in a "foreign" location - you may not want to encourage this long-term, but perhaps having something healthy in the car that he can snack on at the restaurant would be helpful. I know you don't want him to order something and then not eat it, but you could skip the order and just give him something you brought.

Good luck and keep up the cooperative parenting!

This is a tough one. I myself have a 3 year old "Charmer" getting him to do normal daily tasks are a struggle sometimes.

For the restaurant issue, you just have to keep reinforcing good manners. Sit at home with him and teach him what good manners look like verses bad manners and "practice" so he is better prepared...we sometimes assume (i myself do too) that they know how to behave without being shown...

For the teeth brushing, just make it a game! I used to tell my son that their was brocolli in his teeth or something that he ate and I would try to get it out...then he decided that their were dinosaurs in his mouth and we would try to get them all (except the green one, he liked to keep that on in there cause he was nice)...silly boy! Anyway, you could do that or sing a song or set a timer and if he gets it done properly before the timer goes off then he gets to pick out a second story or something like that...

I just have to say Paul, I love your involvement with this sight. I appriciate that you want the best for your son and you aren't afraid to ask for advice. I can tell you really love your son and want to be a great father (as I am sure you are). It appears you have to good co-parenting relationship with his mom (lunch after church) and that is rare. My parents divorced when I was 4 and they always got along for us kids. It makes a huge diference.

He's three years old. That's the behavior. The other behavior is tantrums and hissy fits.
I'll take the giddys any day over the fits. He'll be 4 soon and then the behavior will have passed.

Yes, his behavior is normal for a 3 year old, happy boy. I think he could be taking it too far though, if you have asked him to stay calm and need a little quiet time. I suggest a reward chart. Explain to him that every time you ask him to calm down and he gets quiet, then he gets a point or sticker. Then after X amount of points he can earn a small toy or an activity with Daddy.

I've started this with my own kids and they love it. I also praise them greatly when they are acting appropriately. Find the moments when he is being calm at the right time and tell him he's doing great.

Then, schedule in some good old fashioned run around silly time. He has so much energy. My two get very silly and wild when they need exercise or need to have some way to use their creative, fun, active brains. Burning a little energy helps!

Sounds like you are raising a happy boy though!! Of course you are being as patient as possible, but yes, the energy level can be annoying at times.

Normal. It becomes problematic when you're telling him to do something and he's just plain not listening, but squirming around and being silly is what 3 year olds are made for. Have logical consequences for not listening (eat your lunch or you're going to be hungry, if you take too long to brush your teeth you won't have time for stories before bed) and stick with those consequences and he'll learn when you mean it. But his behavior is totally normal.

Tell him when you pick him up that you have a new rule. When he is being silly you are going to turn your back because you want a grown up boy. When he stops being silly you will turn around and give him your attention again because you like grown up boys.

Do this on a weekend you can stay home all weekend.

This needs to be done with out emotion. If you turn your back and he follows you and is still silly walk out of the room with out emotion. You might have to shut the door. He might cry and scream. Don't open the door until he stops crying.

Do this every time he is silly. He will at first be silly a lot more to test you so you will think that it is not working.

If your ex-wife can do this with you it will help extinguish it.

This is a phase and he will out grow it, you just want him to out grow it faster.

I don't think we successfully took our daughter to a restaurant until she was about five! Until then, she was restless and curious, and wouldn't sit still and eat. Sometimes she still needs to bounch on the booth seat for a few minutes when we arrive, and she'll be 9 soon! Oh, and brushing teeth is still a challenge every day for us. Your son is a perfectly normal 3 year-old.