How to Avoid Sibling Rivalry with 2 Kids

I don't think you can avoid it at all. Even if you give one of them up for adoption so they never see each other, one of them will still think the other one got the better end of the stick. ;)

Here are my suggestions - from my growing up as the middle of 3, and now having 3 myself. (And we still like and hang out with each other. :) )
1- Don't make the kids compete with each other. :) (For your attention, for money, for 'games' in the house) Some limited competition is OK, but it is really easy to make it so that you are making people lose all the time, and that is not fun.
2- Expect that the kids will like and take care of each other. When they do things that don't show that - squash it. (So no hitting, pushing, bad mouthing....) Don't tolerate that as 'expected for siblings' - because it is not, unless YOU expect it.
3- Spend time with each kid so you know their specific likes and dislikes. Encourage them to be their own person, don't make comparisons between the kids. (They are different, but different is GOOD!)
4- Don't expect the older child to 'parent' the younger child. Yeah, some things they can help with, especially as they are a little older, but they are BOTH kids. A 3 year age difference is still close enough to treat pretty equally. Some things will be lopsided, but for the most part you should be able to keep things pretty even.

Most of all.... make your expectations that they will get along, and then show them how to do that - and correct them if they don't. :)
(It sound SO simple.... like much of parenting that is a far cry, but it is worth the effort!)

This question saddens me. I'm sorry you didn't get along with your siblings. My guess is that your parents weren't terribly involved, nor did they have a vision for your family. We have 6 children, who are very close. They really love each other. They range in age from nearly 20 to 5. They are all close with each other. Even the oldest and youngest love each other and are close. My teens get along well. They have their moments. Don't get me wrong. Everyone has moments of selfishness. But, overall, we have harmony and joy in our home. My advice is to nurture that love. Expect it. Don't allow roots of bitterness or strife take hold in your home. *Expect* your son to love his sibling(s). Don't ever feed one word of question about that to him. They follow our cues. Feel free to PM me if you have more questions. We know many families that live like we do, who have very close knit kids. It is the odd family that doesn't have this, that we know. Actually, I can't think of one family that we are friends with that have children who hate each other, who have teen rebellion, that have kids who don't love being with their own families. Are we odd? Maybe, by today's standards. But, it is what it is. We rejoice in our children, and spend gobs of time together fostering that love. It doesn't happen by accident, that's for sure.

I'm sorry you had such an unhappy experience with siblings!

Growing up, I was the youngest of 4...... I'm sure we had our times, but I can't say any of us HATED the other, or were jealous of each other. I will say, as the youngest, I had a REALLY terrible temper... not sure how they managed to work around that.... (I even threw a pair of scissors at my brother... he was probably teasing me about something.. I have no idea what, though....)

We have 4 kids..... they grew up sharing rooms, also, so they had to get along. They also had their moments of not liking each other, for whatever reason, but I can't say they hated each other, or were really jealous of each other. My first 3 were born within 4 years (August 1982, April 1984, August 1986, and the last one was born in November 1991.

Basically, we didn't allow them to physically hit each other, or pick on each other in that way..... we showed them respect, and expected them to show us and others respect. We did things together as a family, they all helped around the house (not willingly, I agree), but they have all turned out to be pretty good kids.

From the very beginning I spoke to my son about his baby sister...that she was "his baby"...not just mommy and daddy's baby. He helped me get everything ready for her...helped me fix up her crib and pick out her clothes. he always spoke of her as "my baby". He was very attached to her before she even came.

When she got here he was the baby police...he didn't want anyone to touch her...made sure they washed their hands if they did...sometimes he was too helpful as he was only 2.5 at the time.

But my point is she was "his baby sister" and attached to her before she even came.

They play for days at a time together without any issues...they do have fights occasionally, but they are usually very short lived.

My husband and I always tell them that they are each other's best friend and that they will always be there for each other long after mom and dad are gone.

I don't know if my son would have naturally taken to his sister or if any of the prep work helped...it is just what we did...

You have some excellent answers here. I have two boys that get along exceptionally well. They never fight, and I honestly mean never. I've always thought it was because they are 6.5 years apart, so jealousy has never been a problem. Because of the age difference, they haven't been interested in the same toys at the same time, or other issues like that. I also thought they got along because my oldest is incredibly laid back. He is happy all the time. Nothing phases him.

After reading the other responses though, I wonder if it's more than that. My brother and I are only 2 years apart, and we have always been very close. We argued from time to time growing up, but most of the time we played well together, and we always liked/loved each other so much, and we knew it.

One of the other posters mentioned parent expectations, and I think there's something to that. From the moment we told our oldest son that he was going to be a brother, we spoke of the blessing this was going to be. Throughout their lives, we have spent time with the boys together, and individually, doing everything we could think of when our youngest was born to discourage jealousy. After that first year, we didn't even think about jealousy. It simply wasn't an issue. The roles were set. Our oldest is now a guide to our youngest, and they are both very pleased with those roles. They are 8 and 14 now, and spend a ton of time together. They are good about spending time alone, or with friends, too.

Congratulations on your growing family!

When you have the answer to that question let me know! I would not say my kids hate each other but they definately fight, a lot (my boys). Both the boys get along with their sister though and she is the youngest...I think it is a personality thing so if you show them and teach them to love each other thats all you can do. My sisters and I grew up with a lot of what you were talking about except the hate I can't say that i hate my sister but jealous, uh yes, fought with them yes, just because i was bored sometimes i would start a fight! We were made to stick together, we had to go everywhere together when we were little and i wish my mom had not done us like that, i think it taught us resentment, probably because if i was ready to leave everyone had to leave or vise versa. my oldest sister and I are like oil and water but now as an adult I respect and love her as my sister, my other sister who passed in a car accident i was closer to her and we actually hung out and enjoyed each others company, but she was that way with my oldest sister too! go figure. My oldest sister we work at our relationship because we are so different. How do you get along with your siblings as an adult?
Watch the movie Couregous if you have not already and if you have watch it again!
You have to teach and show your kids love and you have to teach them to look out for each other, you tell your son that everyday of his life and it will stick. in the meantime find and make friends that kids do get along and you will catch on to what they are doing right!

My kids get along well. They are 4 years apart. Boy and girl. 5 & 9 years old. They really are, 2 peas in a pod. As I write this, they are playing with each other right now looking at their Pokemon cards and collection and giving each other compliments about what they have etc. And then they are trading cards with each other too. They do love each other and look out for each other. Intrinsically.

Myself... I did not get along with a certain sibling of mine. At all. She has a real mean vindictive streak... I always have to be on guard. And she was always trying to sabotage me. I knew that since I was a child. It has not changed.

Not all siblings, are that way.

Empathize by picturing your husband coming home with another wife. You are expected to love her, hang out with her, share all your stuff with her, play with her, and share her with your husband. Then realize that your son may feel this way when you bring home the new baby. :)

Do not pit your kids one against the other. Tommy got an A in math -- why didn't you? So you can draw pretty pictures, how are you going to make aliving doing that? Why can't you be more like your brother (sister)?

Love each of your children unconditionally. Love them for who they are. Do not expect your kids to "be" like anyone else in your family or circle of friends. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, works for kids too. You or hubby may want them to be champion athletes or award winning musicians but they may not be that person. They may be gay or straight, tall or short, thin or stocky, but most of all they are YOUR children. Love them, speak-up for them if needed, always let them know in your eyes they are wonderful.

My kids both get in trouble if they fight. I try not to ever take sides unless I see one of them doing or saying something bad that was not provoked. I tell them " no fighting. Work it out or you both go to your rooms until you can be nice to one another" or " if you have time to fight then you have time to clean... Exxx go empty the trash, Rxx go empty the dishwasher. Works every time. My girls are extremely close and they are 5 years apart:)

My two boys are 19 months apart. They are the best of friends and the worst of enemies at times. I think all kids go through some trouble with siblings. They are still young and learning to behave. lol. I treat them both the same and respect their individuality. I play no favorites. I truly do love both my kids the same and I tell them I love them both all the time. I dislike hearing a parent say they have a favorite child. I came from a family of 4 kids( twin, 3yrs, and 9 yrs apart) and yes we had our fights but I love them all and we certainly had many good family memories. My parents treated us all basically the same. They were in better financial shape for the younger two and they did get more things but that is just life. Personalities may play a part also. I have one that is very openly funny and talkative. My other child is more private and cunning in his humor and sometime the two do no blend. Maybe that is what parents are for too..... teaching kids to get along with other personalites including those in your own house. It's possible that no one really likes everyone all the time. I think your being aware of what kind of household you want is a great start to making that happen.

Awww, I do love what Melissa J said.

Okay, what my parents did was buy us each the exact same toy at Christmas time. I loved that as a kid.
There were 2 of everything under the tree.
It helped a lot.
We were 5 years apart.
We did some things together.
Things changed when we were 18 & 23.
Them being closer in age will help.
It's normal, natural but still a pain to go through.
Hang in there. It's just part of the process.

Well, you're never sure what you are going to get.
Some siblings fight like cats and dogs and some get along.
Growing up with my sister was misery.
Try not to force it.
It's not the kids fault they have siblings.
They don't HAVE to like each other but they do have to be civil.
You can't let them harm each other.
Divide and conquer when you have to (send them to separate areas).

We have two kids very close in age and this was a big concern for me too. I am from a family of 6 children. Some of us are very close and some of us are not... part of that is personality and part of it is that we have completely different perspectives on the one thing that we have in common... events of childhood.

Our kids are really good friends, and they fight like siblings who spend a lot of time together do. I guess what we've tried to do is to treat them both fairly, but not the same. We treat them like individuals with their own strengths and things to work on, but we don't compare them.

A terrific book that I pick up again and again is Siblings Without Rivalry. I love this book and also How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk, by the same authors

Good luck :)